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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To secretly wish my husband was better at DIY?

76 replies

SapphireSunday · 16/03/2023 11:42

My DH is lovely but utterly useless at all things DIY. He tries things but to be honest he mostly makes them worse - we have wonky door handles, windows that won’t open anymore, doors that don’t fit the frames anymore because he’s over sanded them, random holes in the wall etc. I always try to persuade him to get someone in to do these odd jobs but he always insists he will do it and well… see above.

Anyway, I’ve got a few friends whose partners are very handy round the house and I’m secretly extremely jealous!! One of them has just installed a new bathroom which looks amazing, another is planning an outdoor kitchen. But they never need to get a man in to do anything because their DHs are great at DIY.

Usually I don’t buy into the stereotypes that women should be doing cleaning and childcare while men get on with their manly persuits like sport and hunting and fixing things around the house but urgh there is this teeny part of me that would absolutely love to come home and see my DH sweaty and topless having built us an extension on his day off 🙄

Anyone else?

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 16/03/2023 14:04

of course YABU but I totally agree with you 😂 my ex was great at DIY and it was a very attractive quality. My current OH isn’t so great but luckily he has many other amazing qualities and I love him to bits.

Brootul · 16/03/2023 14:07

My DH is completely useless at DIY but won't admit it and gets defensive about it 😵‍💫 My Dad on the other hand can do ANYTHING! He's my go to.

Oblomov23 · 16/03/2023 14:10

Dh is fabulous. Ds's show no interest which makes us both sad.
Just hire a man who does such jobs. Out local Facebook chat has 4 or 5 such men.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 16/03/2023 14:11

There used to be a song which started
‘ if I was a carpenter…..would you marry me anyway’

i always thought ‘ what a stupid question, surely everyone would be eager? Especially if you have a brother who is a plumber and a cousin who is an electrician’

NoraLuka · 16/03/2023 14:12

My DP is brilliant at DIY, unfortunately he’s crap at finishing what he started so we have a half finished kitchen, bathroom and upstairs ceiling. Then there’s the garden wall which he started with a group of mates and which they never finished after taking a break for a few drinks 🙄

I’m kind of ok at practical stuff but nowhere near as good as he is, so he gets annoyed if I try to finish ‘his’ jobs.

I too wish we could just pay someone to do all this stuff!

Spectre8 · 16/03/2023 14:14

So why don't you learn to do DIY? Why does it have to be the man who should be good at it. Some people just aren't good at certain things.

I do some DIY, I csn paint my rooms, pull up flooring and relay it, put things on wall and put furniture together.

I just leave bigger stuff to trades often because they have the heavy duty tools you need for the job and hiring or buying them outweighs the cost of paying a trade.

Nagado · 16/03/2023 14:28

My DB and my FiL can build, create and fix anything household or mechanical between them. If you gave them a pile of bricks and an old push bike on a Monday, you’d have a three bedroom detached house with a Range Rover on the drive by Friday. DH and I nearly got divorced after trying to assemble one of those little red and yellow cars for toddlers.

But they both have their faults and I think I’ve got the better end of the deal.

celticprincess · 16/03/2023 21:10

I’m slightly jealous of families where the man is a fab diy er and can install anything they want and decorate. I’m also slightly jealous of the women who seem to be amazing at cleaning and keeping a totally clutter free home. I’m not that woman and I’m single with kids!! I can’t afford to buy in help. I can build a flat pack at best, plumb in a washing machine and was really proud when I bought a new latch for the loft door that spring open and wouldn’t shut again and managed to fix it. I’ve done some painting of walls and woodwork and it looks ok but it’s absolutely exhausting.

celticprincess · 16/03/2023 21:12

Also my friend who’s married to a joiner complains about her own house needing so much work as her DH is so exhausted from fixing other peoples homes he never gets round to his own!!

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/03/2023 21:13

I do all of the DIY, always have. Works for us.

girlfriend44 · 16/03/2023 21:23

SapphireSunday · 16/03/2023 11:42

My DH is lovely but utterly useless at all things DIY. He tries things but to be honest he mostly makes them worse - we have wonky door handles, windows that won’t open anymore, doors that don’t fit the frames anymore because he’s over sanded them, random holes in the wall etc. I always try to persuade him to get someone in to do these odd jobs but he always insists he will do it and well… see above.

Anyway, I’ve got a few friends whose partners are very handy round the house and I’m secretly extremely jealous!! One of them has just installed a new bathroom which looks amazing, another is planning an outdoor kitchen. But they never need to get a man in to do anything because their DHs are great at DIY.

Usually I don’t buy into the stereotypes that women should be doing cleaning and childcare while men get on with their manly persuits like sport and hunting and fixing things around the house but urgh there is this teeny part of me that would absolutely love to come home and see my DH sweaty and topless having built us an extension on his day off 🙄

Anyone else?

You learn DIY. It's not just a man's job you know bit of a sexist comment.

Devoutspoken · 16/03/2023 21:41

I agree, i do the diy in our house, but I think its a very attractive quality in a man

GyozaGuiting · 16/03/2023 21:43

I must admit, my DH is amazing at DIY, he can plaster, do electrics, tackle most doors/windows/tiling... he services our cars himself... I find it very attractive how practical he is. He's fixing our hoover at the moment saving us £££. So I get it Op! I take it for granted a bit.

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/03/2023 21:46

Devoutspoken · Today 21:41
I agree, i do the diy in our house, but I think its a very attractive quality in a man“

I think it’s a very attractive quality in a woman, too.

Devoutspoken · 16/03/2023 21:54

Mrsskyler, well yes, it is attractive in women as well, but as clichéd as it is, a man who is good with his hands is more attractive to me personally

CTRALTDEL · 16/03/2023 22:04

What’s stopping you from doing it? Taking a course or two? I’m pretty handy - a woman -
DW is less so but putting in a whole bathroom is completely different from normal DIY

Aria999 · 16/03/2023 22:13

DH won't touch it and always wants to get someone in.

I will have a go with the help of YouTube (I put a large painting up on our solid brick wall, repressurized the filter system and have done two very simple toilet fixes) but I am very very ignorant. I wish I was better.

DIY course sounds a great idea but it's such a big subject I expect you would need more than 1?

ACynicalDad · 16/03/2023 22:18

When he needs to do a job find a relevant you tube video and send it across.

Babooshka1990 · 16/03/2023 22:18

Yes I’m always willing to have a go and do basic things like hanging mirrors, curtain rails, prepping and painting walls myself. OH won’t even hang a picture he just says he ‘doesn’t know how’. Surely just go on YouTube?

Fragrantandfoolish · 16/03/2023 22:22

My husband can. He’s also an engineer. But he just won’t. He hates it. It pisses me right off. I do most of it. Or I hire the tradesperson. When said trade is here husband makes himself scarce.

If he does do something he whinges like a stuck pig for the duration. He also whinges like a stuck pig on the lead up to doing it and then whinges like a stuck pig for ages after that he had to do it.

He’s not even embarassed about it.

Topseyt123 · 16/03/2023 22:24

My DH likes to think he is good at DIY. Unfortunately, he isn't. He refuses to recognise his limitations and ends up being a bodger. It was something I had to get used to because my Dad was extremely practical.

He can do basic painting fairly well as he is tall and has a good reach. Until now though, he has seen no reason to stop there and is disaster prone.

I'd like to be able to do more DIY myself but I really don't have a steady hand and have a permanent non-union fracture to my right arm, which limits me now. I like to be practical, and I understand the jobs well. I just can't do them. ☹️

I do sometimes have to put my foot down with DH. His latest disaster was to badly crack the toilet cistern when trying to change the siphon and get the flush flushing properly again. This meant that we urgently had to get a plumber in to fit a brand new toilet. That didn't come cheap.

Molkomad · 16/03/2023 22:48

Ha same here! My DH can't even put a picture hook on the wall. We've just had a loft conversion and decided to completely revamp pretty much the whole house and we've had to get different professionals in for everything as he's useless (he also agrees so at least doesn't attempt to do things). My DM & DF have helped where they can and my DM always goes on about how useless my DF is at DIY but he's been able to help out with all of the 'bits' my DH can't. I actually think he's great but compared to my DH skills anyone is!

Im99912 · 16/03/2023 22:59

My DH is pretty good at DIY
in fact only a few days after I met him he noticed I had a mirror that needed to be put up and did it for me - I married him 3 months later 😂
My dad was also chuffed as it meant he no longer needed to do my DIY

he knows his limits though and while he is very practical he’s not bothered if we call in the experts to do stuff to save time .

I got my BIL who is a carpenter to put together my new wardrobe a few weeks ago
DH could have done it but it would have taken him twice as long and to much swearing .

He’s just painted 2 bedrooms a hallway and the kitchen

i have no shame that I have no interest in DIY or painting or couldn’t change a plug if my life depended on it

Hawkins003 · 16/03/2023 23:01

If I get stuck I usually YouTube examples

SkankingWombat · 16/03/2023 23:11

Maybe he thinks the same about you OP?

Over on Dadsnet right now: AIBU to wish DW was better at DIY? Just for once I want to come home to find her topless and sweaty, tightening the tap washers in the downstairs WC...

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