To secretly wish my husband was better at DIY?

[SapphireSunday]

My DH is lovely but utterly useless at all things DIY. He tries things but to be honest he mostly makes them worse - we have wonky door handles, windows that won’t open anymore, doors that don’t fit the frames anymore because he’s over sanded them, random holes in the wall etc. I always try to persuade him to get someone in to do these odd jobs but he always insists he will do it and well… see above.

Anyway, I’ve got a few friends whose partners are very handy round the house and I’m secretly extremely jealous!! One of them has just installed a new bathroom which looks amazing, another is planning an outdoor kitchen. But they never need to get a man in to do anything because their DHs are great at DIY.

Usually I don’t buy into the stereotypes that women should be doing cleaning and childcare while men get on with their manly persuits like sport and hunting and fixing things around the house but urgh there is this teeny part of me that would absolutely love to come home and see my DH sweaty and topless having built us an extension on his day off 🙄

Anyone else?

Me. I'm the natural DIYer of the household. DH wasn't brought up doing DIY or odd jobs (unlike me - both of my parents are very practical) and seems to lack common sense about how to approach things/'cause and effect'. There are certain things I do by instinct (e.g. knowing how much paint to load onto a brush and then applying to achieve good coverage) that he just doesn't 'get'. He also doesn't 'get' my desire for a high standard finish and thinks I'm fussy about ensuring things are level, no paint drips, that pictures are hung exactly in between two walls (by using a tape measure), etc. Sadly for DH, I have the ability to spot that something like a shelf isn't level to within mm (we often place bets on how accurate my eye is vs the spirit level before we check and I'm usually correct...). I've often joked that I should work in some kind of quality control capacity for a housing developer. 😇

Anyway. I came here to commiserate, as I have friends with DHs who whizz around getting odd jobs and decorating done to a good standard in no time. I won't lie, I am jealous.
I now do most things myself, meaning that DHs contribution to DIY is looking after the children. It could be worse, but I'd far rather we team up together to decorate a bedroom when the children are asleep (two people = job is done twice as fast) and then do something as a family during the weekend, rather than me either not seeing the children much or pulling an all nighter. The trouble is that it's not worth the frustration or bickering, so we've acknowledged that we shouldn't do DIY together 🤣 and DHs recent contribution to the redecoration of the spare room was looking after the children while I got on with it on my own.

I'll balance things out by saying that DH is getting a lot better at DIY, through watching me, being taught by my father and watching YouTube videos. There are jobs that I physically can't do (usually anything involving heavy power tools!) and I mostly really appreciate his contribution in that respect I probably shouldn't mention the time he accidentally destroyed the back fence, or the time(s!) he created a huge hole in a wall instead of a small hole for a screw that I then had to repair.

I know we could pay someone else to do it (and I hope to have the spare cash to do so without missing it one day)... but a) finances are limited and I'd rather spend 'spare' money on other things and b) given that I can do a decent job myself, I resent throwing money down the drain (especially given point a).

I'd like to point out that 'why don't you learn to do DIY yourself' is definitely a fair point where a woman is not as skilled as the man. But in other cases it's a bit like a woman saying 'why doesn't DH do housework/cook dinner' and people responding 'why don't you learn/just do it yourself', which wouldn't be fair. In my case, I do feel that the 'DIY load' unfairly rests on my shoulders, when everything else is shared out pretty equally (DH pulls his weight with the children, cooking and housework). I suppose I should start suggesting DH goes on a DIY course to even things out... 😇

My DH is rubbish at DIY too although I think some of it is deliberate! His dad was very practical at DIY, DH's eldest brother built his own house (even though his day job was an office job) whilst his other brother is a dab hand at building furniture (as a hobby). DH has to be nagged to do anything and when he does the standard is low and corners are cut!

My DH is just fantastic at DIY, but since he has ADD I have to do a lot of the setting up, and clearing up afterwards as he is able to hyperfocus on the main job but is dreadful at all the smaller less interesting bits. Its the curse of ADD. On balance I think its worth it and I am learning lots of good skills myself by watching him (as I hunt for the drill bits yet again) I also do get the sexy DIY DH vibe which is an additional bonus 🤣

You need a man that can do both!

My parents are “doers” my ILs are “outsourcers” and this has translated to me and DH. I do find it frustrating DH is so bloody impractical and he doesn’t have the patience to work out how to do something, he immediately wants to get some one in to do it.

I have to say he has got better with age. Last week we were doing some DIY together and it was this first time we didn’t have a blazing row about it!

We are both OK with DIY thanks to youtube tutorials. There are plenty of videos showing how to fix thing, a lot of the UK specific so you can find same materials used at Screwfix etc. (I am sure you can find sweaty topless builders putting up an extension on youtube as well :D minus sweaty smell)

Surely if you tell him how attractive you’d find him if he were sweaty and topless and wielding a hammer, he’ll rush onto the nearest DIY course and you’ll have a new extension by the summer?

My husband is good at DIY though we always get professionals in for kitchen, bathroom and electrics. He taught me to fill holes and sand and I now do all the DIY! I decorate, build flat pack (aka Ikea), put up shelves, I can change taps, seal a bath or shower, tile and even lay flooring. I5s great as if I feel something needs doing I can just get on with it..... And I have my own tools (all the power tools are mine), they are just a bit lighter than standard and certainly not pink (even though I do like pink).

Ex-DH was fabulous at DIY and could turn his hand to most things. Sadly he was a shitty husband and his DIY skills couldn't compensate for that 😁

YABU. My very-good-at-DIY DH has spent the whole fucking day pissing about: measuring, cutting, whinging, bitching, umming, ahhhing, sweating, bitching again…and generally making a fuck load of mess and very little progress. It’s not the sexy look you might think…and no, he’s not topless and glistening, he’s in trackies, covered in sawdust and looks like shit. If he had his way with me right now I’d end up with a splintered vagina.

I wish mine was less good than he thought he was.

The amount of tools he buys, you'd think he actually did the DIY around here... He needs to scram and leave me to it.

It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I am constantly surrounded by tools. It stresses me out. Every time he walks past me with his drill I think “what the fuck is he up to now?!”

This. The fear. You hear a noise on a Sunday morning and have to charge through the house thinking “what the fuck are you destroying this time?!”

DH is terrible at DIY, and incredibly slow at it. Once he was helping my dad paint a wall. By the time DH had got his "DIY" clothes on, my dad had finished the job.

😂

My XH had many faults but he was brilliant at fixing things. He knew his way round the underneath of a car, was an immaculate decorator, kept the garden looking lovely, and was never happier than when he was in his garage tinkering, which was seriously sexy.

There are good reasons we aren’t together anymore but I do miss this aspect of him.

My dad tried to teach me DIY and although I understood what I was supposed to be doing but my hands wouldn't do what I wanted them to do.

On the other hand my FiL was very much a 'get someone in to do it ' person so DH never learnt.

I still don't trust myself with anything that require hand eye coordination.

We work to our strengths. DH is the DIYer, I do plans, costing etc.

My only criticism of DH is that he tends to leave tools where he was doing the job. I have solved my annoyance with this by putting the tools in his wardrobe.

Why aren't you doing it OP? Having a cock doesn't confer DIY skills!

I feel your pain op!!!

Ha, i feel your pain. We are (probably) a DIY power couple (!) one of us is a Civil Engineer who worked their way up from the mud on construction sites. The other is a qualified electrician. We have the confidence , tools and skills to tackle most stuff.

however, all it means in reality is we often wildly disagree about what actually needs to be done and how and when it should be done. Oh and we are both shit at woodwork.

you can’t win.
also, I don’t find the sexy shirtless labourer very sexy anymore, having spent my entire career around the reality of working with the buggers.

Same here - I'm better at DIY, but DH is so f-ing anal about how things should be done that he gets stressed when I'M doing it, even though I always end up with a better result than he could. So we get people in to do it for us now. It pisses me off that we spend money on things that I could do (and sometimes could do a better job of) but honestly the emotional hassle is not worth it.

I can understand the appeal, but it’s not something it’s ever occurred to me to hanker after. Neither DH nor I would have a clue where to start on anything DIY related, and wouldn’t risk it! Neither set of parents were practical like that either.

We had an extension built at the same time as friends of ours, and they did all the painting, tiling and patio laying themselves. We were awestruck! But I’m not going to spend a fortune having a patio built and then wreck it by dodgily attempting to paint it myself.

Extension, not patio! I’m not quite so thick that I would attempt to paint the patio.