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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inviting themselves over?

52 replies

jadahs · 15/03/2023 16:12

Would you be ok with in laws constantly inviting themselves over, usually twice a week? Not sure if i'm being rude, as they just want to see DS but it's a little exhausting.

OP posts:
anythinginapinch · 15/03/2023 16:40

Why is it exhausting if they just want to see your DC? Can't they play with child and let you "get on" aka rest up?

Backtoreality1 · 15/03/2023 16:41

I would find twice a week too much - especially if they are staying for longer than an hour.

DrMeredithGrey2023 · 15/03/2023 16:41

anythinginapinch · 15/03/2023 16:40

Why is it exhausting if they just want to see your DC? Can't they play with child and let you "get on" aka rest up?

I can't imagine having guests in the house and just taking myself upstairs to read my kindle

DrMeredithGrey2023 · 15/03/2023 16:42

jadahs · 15/03/2023 16:12

Would you be ok with in laws constantly inviting themselves over, usually twice a week? Not sure if i'm being rude, as they just want to see DS but it's a little exhausting.

No, I wouldn't.

Generally speaking, I prefer not to have guests - especially surprise ones!

ChunkyCheese · 15/03/2023 16:44

No, I would hate it.
Tell them to message you when they want to come and then just be ‘busy’ on the day/time they choose when you feel it’s too much.

LightDrizzle · 15/03/2023 16:47

I’d find that intrusive whoever it was, - my own adult children excepted.

holierthanthou73 · 15/03/2023 16:48

You’ve got a tongue in your head 🤷🏻‍♀️

crazyaboutcats · 15/03/2023 16:50

I would be extremely happy with this but mine are super helpful and would be offering to cook and do laundry, and they look after and tidy up after themselves.

I also don't feel the need to be 'on' around them

Iloveacurry · 15/03/2023 16:52

It’s a bit much. Is your DH there is well?

Walterwhiteswifey · 15/03/2023 16:52

Hellllll no!

SophiaSW1 · 15/03/2023 16:56

I wouldn't allow this

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 15/03/2023 17:10

Are you unable to say "no, not this week, I need to catch up with myself" ?

Eyerollcentral · 15/03/2023 17:29

They aren’t guests, they are members of your family. Just go on about your day and leave your son and husband w them if you don’t want to be bothered having a chat. It’s totally normal.

thereshewasshewasjustthesame · 15/03/2023 17:33

Too often for me. No way.

TwilightSilhouette · 15/03/2023 17:33

No. Invitation only for visiting!

SunnyLion · 15/03/2023 17:57

Once a week is too much let alone twice!

Bunnyishotandcross · 15/03/2023 18:03

Invite them when dh is home. He can host.
Be less available during the day op... Twice a week is nuts.

londonrach · 15/03/2023 18:05

I had pil coming twice a week to 'help' with childcare...mil did the washing without thinking where the clothes needed to go to dry, they what they wanted and that included driving baby DD in a cat with a high back boaster car seat and putting coats arigbd her to keep in her in the seat, all the toys came out in DD room and lounge ..after a day at work I returned to wet washing no where to put it and a house that looked like a bombsite....it was the most stressful time of my DD life for me (yes mn I should be grateful they offered free childcare) and I begged to put her in nursery....it took fil saying it too far to drive for me to finally get my house back. No way cope with in-laws inviting themselves over now...yanbu.

ShapesAndNumbers · 15/03/2023 18:09

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phoenixrosehere · 15/03/2023 18:11

Is there a reason you cannot say “no, I’m sorry, maybe another time”? Are they coming only when your DH is not there?

If you’re not comfortable with it, you’re not comfortable with it, you don’t have to be and you can say no. Just because they’re family doesn’t mean you have to have them in your home when you don’t desire to.

Queeniewag · 15/03/2023 18:22

100% no from me.

Nevermind31 · 15/03/2023 18:26

Not for me. For guests to come round I’d want to tidy up…

youshouldnthaveasked · 15/03/2023 18:33

I wouldn’t like it.

Soapboxqueen · 15/03/2023 18:36

Depends if they expect to be 'hosted' or not. If they expect you to stop what you are doing to sit with them or have tea then it isn't acceptable.

If they are going to sort themselves out, it wouldn't bother me as this is what my family and ILs do.

Rockingcloggs · 15/03/2023 18:47

My parents, siblings or my IL's can come to my house whenever they want, whether it's to see my DS or just for a chat. I know we can always do the same in their house too. In fact, none of us knock and just go on in. I don't restrict access to 'us' because I love them all and really enjoy their company whenever that opportunity arises.