Inviting themselves over?

[jadahs]

Would you be ok with in laws constantly inviting themselves over, usually twice a week? Not sure if i'm being rude, as they just want to see DS but it's a little exhausting.

Let’s hope your sons wife treats you the same!

They might be members of the family but it doesn’t mean op has to have them over twice a week. It’s far too much. We see our adult child every three or four weeks, although he doesn’t have children yet. That’s about right for us. We always have a lovely catch up with them. We have WhatsApp contact a couple of times a week too. I wouldn’t dream of tipping up at his house twice a week. It seems very presumptuous and a tricky one to navigate.

I wouldn’t mind, but I know mine would take the kids to park or entertain at home whilst I did some work or cooked

I would hate this and I love MIL, enjoy her company and she absolutely wouldn’t expect to be treated as a guest or the house to be tidy etc.

I think it is an introvert/extrovert thing - I would not feel relaxed; regardless of how nice/helpful/unintrusive they were being, I would still not feel relaxed. It doesn’t meant they are doing anything ‘wrong’ it just doesn’t suit my personality (which isn’t me being wrong either) 🤷‍♀️

What a miserable bunch MN are, once a week is too much 🙄

Anyone that decides to invite themselves to my home without prior notice gets ignored at the front door and I don't care who you are, you phone and prearrange or you end up disappointed.

I don't think twice a week is too much to be fair if you live close enough by, I would expect to be asked though in case I had plans

I'd hate it. Do they have a key?

Most people see their family much more frequently than once every three weeks especially if they live in the same locality. Whatever works for you works, but it’s bonkers the way people behave about a parent calling in to see their child and grandchildren twice a week as if it is a massive imposition. It’s really normal for a lot of people, particularly when the children are young. A lot of people on here behave as if their own family are strangers to them, it’s very cold.

I wouldn’t mind this at all. My house is always fairly tidy (it’s far from spotless!) and if I’m home I’ll always answer the door, I love surprise visits from mostly anyone and I love my mil so much, she loves the dc too.
She often pops round, last week dh phoned her about something and he mentioned dd had had a really good parents evening from her college and that ds was poorly, the next day she knocked and left some little treats for the both and a bottle of wine for dh and I. She didn’t come in as she was on her way somewhere but she’s so kind and loving with a huge heart so she’s always welcome.
She used to pop in once or twice a week when I just had the first 2, just for a cup of tea and a catch-up with me - I wasn’t working at the time and having all my family around was amazing.
So no, I wouldn’t have a problem with this at all but I had all the time in the world!

This is exactly how I feel and indeed behave with my own family who live nearby. I genuinely don’t know any one in real life either here or in England who makes such a song and dance out of it as people do on here.

As someone with no family in this country. I would love this.

I am deeply envious of one of my sisters, whose house is a busy mix of grandkids in and out, and wider family dropping in.

I would LOVE that.

Count your blessings.

I would hate it. But, just checking, they're your in-laws so presumably they're coming when their child is in? If not, I'd be changing that quick smart. He/she can host them, you can do some polite hello's then disappear off out wherever it is you like to go to.

You mean asking when it’s a good time instead of inviting themself over.

I expect to be a MIL that considers my son and whomever he marries and ask when they’re available.

Anyone that decides to invite themselves to my home without prior notice gets ignored at the front door and I don't care who you are, you phone and prearrange or you end up disappointed.
Ignore people at your door, that's just ignorant.

When they arrive, you go out to 'shop' or any other excuse, they can babysit.

I wouldn't like this at all. How can you tell them though?

Well , you sound lovely .

I can only dream of this, I get on well with PIL and it wouldn’t bother me them coming over. I would crack on with some washing / cleaning if they are watching the kids.

I have very little family support as people don’t live close by. I get jealous of people who have family round the corner and who can pop in.

I would hate this so often. Do they expect dinner as well?

No I would not like that at all.

I am an introvert, but that doesn't mean my opinions don't count.

Everyone will have a different view about this. It is what your husband and you think that matters. It is a different expectation in different families, have a chat with husband and engineer it more to what suits you. I would make a date for the next visit and say you ll see them then if dropping in doesn't suit you.

I married the only person who I'd be happy to see this often.

Guests, family otherwise, this often would make me cry.

Me too DisforDarkChocolate. I have endless tolerance for my husband. Not so much for anyone else.

Personally I'd really dislike this - different strokes for different folks @jadahs, and would nip this in the bud gently, firmly and as early as possible. Work out what frequency/length of visit would work for you, discuss/agree it with your husband/partner and tell your in laws that's what works for you.

Also don't feel you have to "host" your in laws - your partner can do his share of that too. 🌹