Page 15 | To think that what's best for the children gets left out of the free childcare conversation

Ilikepinacoladass · 2023-03-15T15:47:10+00:00

I'm all for parents being able to get back to work if they want to, woman's career's not being put on hold, the economy doing well etc.. But I find it quite worrying that what's best for the children seems to not be mentioned at all in the reporting around the govt introducing more and more free childcare hours, or considered in the policy making to begin with..? I thought the reason it was 15 free hrs originally, and term time only (as is still the case) was because the original aim was to ensure children have access to early education? So they are not turning up at school aged 5 having had no preschool etc as their parents couldn't afford it? Not to enable parents to get back to work as soon as possible leaving their children in childcare?

Choconut · 15/03/2023 19:39

I just think it's a shame that this is needed because one income is no longer enough for most families to live on, so even if you want to be a SAHM it is very difficult.

TheFireflies · 15/03/2023 19:39

NewNovember · 15/03/2023 18:54

You cordon't be more wrong. What is best for babies and toddlers is to be at home with their primary care giver. The best thing for a young child is a strong family unit and an economy that supports one parent earning enough to provide .

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I guess you haven’t seen the impact on children of their family living in poverty.

dolly12345 · 15/03/2023 19:40

dolly12345 · 15/03/2023 19:39

It's also when a lot of people run out of maternity pay.

9 months; I mean.

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/03/2023 19:40

MysteryBelle · 15/03/2023 19:30

I wasn’t allowed to do after school activities. I had to sign my own grade cards with a parent’s name because they couldn't be bothered to look at them. No guidance, support, or anything. Couldn’t be bothered to come watch me in a school play. Very little time spent. I don’t understand the point of your comment ‘It’s a choice that parents make at the end of the day.’ Uh, yeah I know that. I did things very differently when I became a parent.

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That's because you didn't have good parents, not because they worked. Not all SAHP's will be great parents either.

I had a SAHM and I work full time. My childhood was shit too and I also made different choices.

Xmasbaby11 · 15/03/2023 19:40

Although 9 months seems young to start nursery, it means the mother can return to work after mat leave.

If a parent stays home til the child is 2 or 3, they have given up their job and have to find a new one.

IME it's easier to get flexibility or part time hours in a job you've been in a while, so it's better to keep your job going if you can, then adjust the hours when you have DC, if that's what you want. It's not just the childcare fees that stop mothers working, it's the working hours that can be difficult.

My DC are 9 and 11 - so maybe the experiences of my peers is outdated. It may be easier finding flexible / wfh work now than we were in the baby years.

MysteryBelle · 15/03/2023 19:40

beAsensible1 · 15/03/2023 19:33

You agreed with OP re childcare provisions not always being the best route for children's well-being with both parents being at work.

I provided an alternative and pointed out regardless of parents working or not, children's best outcomes will be based on parenting, not necessarily if they work.

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Stating the obvious again. Of course it’s about the parenting. The working is one of the variables and my comment addressed the priorities the parents choose to have. No need to challenge my experience which is what you did which felt like you were dismissing it, or provide alternative as you put it.

TeenLifeMum · 15/03/2023 19:40

@Botw1 he changed once twins were 3 - I did comment that he missed the hardest parts but even with his long commute, he always shared the night waking.

i think choice is good but I worry that both parents working becoming the norm will push prices up for things like homes etc

MysteryBelle · 15/03/2023 19:42

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/03/2023 19:40

That's because you didn't have good parents, not because they worked. Not all SAHP's will be great parents either.

I had a SAHM and I work full time. My childhood was shit too and I also made different choices.

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You don’t get it. They prioritized things over their children, one of them being work. Get off my back, the experience was mine not yours.

Botw1 · 15/03/2023 19:42

Both parents working is the norm

It pretty much always has been.

Im not sure why people think it's not/wasn't?

MysteryBelle · 15/03/2023 19:43

Botw1 · 15/03/2023 19:42

Both parents working is the norm

It pretty much always has been.

Im not sure why people think it's not/wasn't?

It’s not always been the norm. That is simply false.

Oigetoffmylawn · 15/03/2023 19:44

WelHong · 15/03/2023 19:13

In my experience, being a SAHP suits very few people

There are so many things to disagree with (and agree with) on this thread that I'm picking on this one.

In my experience, most mothers would love to be SAHMs but can't be because their families need both incomes. I had a hard-earned professional career that meant fuck all to me once I had children. I was fortunate in that I could give it up, and even though it would be better for me now if I'd kept my career, I would still make the same decision when I think about how much my DC and I gained when they were small.

Unless the family is severely dysfunctional, I can see no benefit at all to the child being in any form of childcare under two at the very earliest. I'd say three was the ideal age to start with pre-school for a couple of sessions per week.

I think it depends on your circle. In my circle (of 8 I would have these sorts of discussions with), most of us are in the lucky financial circumstance where we could be sahp if we wanted and only 1 has chosen it. 2 work part time. Myself and another have gone part time (4 days) once the kids went to primary school. And 3 are working full time. All of us who have returned to work are in "career" jobs, and have all had significant promotions since becoming parents. None is regret our choice. I chose to return to work full time because I absolutely hated maternity leave. The thought of doing that forever was soul destroying for me. I'd planned to be a SAHP prior to may leave, as had a friend who also returned full time.

Quercus30 · 15/03/2023 19:45

I stayed home until youngest was in year 1. We suffered financially and still do. My career suffered and still is. I will never regret a moment spent with them. I am a mum. I am also a teacher. The government just want mums to be in work. They don't care about children. Their 13 years in government prove this. If, as a mum or dad, you have a full-flling career which makes you a happy parent, then great. But a lot aren't in this situation. Working all hours to make ends meet whilst your 9 month old is looked after along with 4 other babies by an inexperienced 16 year old will never be better that one to one with a parent. I truly believe that the living wage should take in to account the cost of this and that some sort of allowance should be paid to stay at home parents in the very early years. Radical I know, but I'd be happy to pay my tax to support a policy like it. The policy set out today is storing up massive problems on so many different levels for the future.

Botw1 · 15/03/2023 19:45

@MysteryBelle

Its not false.

Only the wealthiest could afford 1 wage

Poor/working class people have always had both parents and, in most cases up until relatively recently, the children working too.

It's such a rose tinted made up view

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/03/2023 19:46

MysteryBelle · 15/03/2023 19:42

You don’t get it. They prioritized things over their children, one of them being work. Get off my back, the experience was mine not yours.

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My experience was very similar, just work wasn't one of those things obviously.

I'm sorry for what you went through, truly.

VivaVivaa · 15/03/2023 19:47

The policy set out today is storing up massive problems on so many different levels for the future

Such as?

Botw1 · 15/03/2023 19:47

I absolutely would not support a policy that paid parents to be sahp

Unless the policy enforced men to do it

VivaVivaa · 15/03/2023 19:47

Botw1 · 15/03/2023 19:47

I absolutely would not support a policy that paid parents to be sahp

Unless the policy enforced men to do it

Amen.

Enufsaid · 15/03/2023 19:47

I agree with you too OP.

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/03/2023 19:50

Quercus30 · 15/03/2023 19:45

I stayed home until youngest was in year 1. We suffered financially and still do. My career suffered and still is. I will never regret a moment spent with them. I am a mum. I am also a teacher. The government just want mums to be in work. They don't care about children. Their 13 years in government prove this. If, as a mum or dad, you have a full-flling career which makes you a happy parent, then great. But a lot aren't in this situation. Working all hours to make ends meet whilst your 9 month old is looked after along with 4 other babies by an inexperienced 16 year old will never be better that one to one with a parent. I truly believe that the living wage should take in to account the cost of this and that some sort of allowance should be paid to stay at home parents in the very early years. Radical I know, but I'd be happy to pay my tax to support a policy like it. The policy set out today is storing up massive problems on so many different levels for the future.

An only child has 1-1 with their parents but other than that, they also have to share attention at home too.

NalafromtheLionKing · 15/03/2023 19:50

Botw1 · 15/03/2023 15:55

It's not compulsory btw

If you don't want to use the childcare because you think it will damage your child, dont

This. Giving people options has to be a good thing.

Epli · 15/03/2023 19:50

Look the team campaigning for the change (I think mainly connected to Pregnant then screwed) quoted surveys showing there is a large group of mothers who would love to come back to work but can't afford childcare. So there is significant need in society that budget addresses.

If you want to stay at home then by all means do, but not all women want it, I would hate it. My mum went back to work when I was 3 months and then had busy career as a doctor. Still I consider my childhood a very happy one, we have good relationship and I'd say I turned out fine. Really, the fact that children who stay with moms score better on some measures of wellbeing when they are 3 years old does not mean that those who go to a nursery turn out miserable or that this difference still exists when children are 10 or 20 years old.

ssd · 15/03/2023 19:50

Quercus30 · 15/03/2023 19:45

I stayed home until youngest was in year 1. We suffered financially and still do. My career suffered and still is. I will never regret a moment spent with them. I am a mum. I am also a teacher. The government just want mums to be in work. They don't care about children. Their 13 years in government prove this. If, as a mum or dad, you have a full-flling career which makes you a happy parent, then great. But a lot aren't in this situation. Working all hours to make ends meet whilst your 9 month old is looked after along with 4 other babies by an inexperienced 16 year old will never be better that one to one with a parent. I truly believe that the living wage should take in to account the cost of this and that some sort of allowance should be paid to stay at home parents in the very early years. Radical I know, but I'd be happy to pay my tax to support a policy like it. The policy set out today is storing up massive problems on so many different levels for the future.

Totally agree, ive worked in childcare too.

Bartlebum · 15/03/2023 19:51

I thought this post was going to be about increasing the ratios, which would be putting the cost above the needs of the children.

Giving parents, mainly women, the option to go back to work if they want to is definitely putting children - families - first. People will be more financially stable and have a better sense of self and wellbeing.

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/03/2023 19:51

VivaVivaa · 15/03/2023 19:47

Amen.

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I agree too.

It would be a massive step backwards otherwise.

Suzi888 · 15/03/2023 19:51

I agree too.