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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said that Mothers' Day does not trump a birthday?

38 replies

coverp · 15/03/2023 15:32

Friend is upset with me. She was ranting that her DH's birthday falls on mothers' day this year and that her DH doesn't think that the day should be 'hers'.

I said I was team DH and suggested they could:

A) celebrate one on Saturday, one on Sunday so they both get a whole day which is all about them
B) do something special all together as a family on Sunday to celebrate both
C) remember that grown up birthdays are pretty much a non-event and mothers' day is largely a commercialised excuse for flowers and cards, and stop fighting over something so petty

Admittedly I was probably grumpier than I needed to be, but she was having this rant in front of a friend who has literally just lost (within the last month) her mother to a horrible and painful terminal illness.

WIBU? Would you expect your other half to put their birthday behind mothers' day?

OP posts:
Hbh17 · 15/03/2023 15:36

Sounds like they both need to grow up, as neither is important to a mature & sensible adult.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 15/03/2023 15:38

I can't believe grown adults act like this.

Sunspel · 15/03/2023 15:39

B and C

They both sound like hard work and on the emotionally immature side...

ooheeoohahahtingtangwallawallabingbang · 15/03/2023 15:47

Just C

Pinkypurplecloud · 15/03/2023 15:51

I’d go with C. Grown up birthdays here consist of a cake, and Mother’s Day is a bunch of flowers and a card from my children. It’s a non issue.

But if you do want to make a fuss even my preschooler children understood the concept of celebrating something on a different day sometimes because of work/other commitments/circumstances.

gogohmm · 15/03/2023 15:53

B & C

Mothering Sunday was a religious event, commercialised by the likes of Hallmark - nothing wrong with it but no point fighting over

CathyCandle · 15/03/2023 15:55

Share the day, that's what I'd do with the person I supposedly love with all my heart.

MaireadMcSweeney · 15/03/2023 15:59

Why on earth can't they just have a nice day out together on Sunday to celebrate both?? What a pair of kids

Zazzlez · 15/03/2023 16:04

My birthday falls on mother's day in a couple of years, I will be celebrating mother's day from the American calendar that year 😂 I am however quite childish when it comes to my birthday, I don't expect much but I do refuse to do as much as I normally do.

You friend seems to be lacking empathy though if this conversation took place in front of a friend grieving the loss of her own mother.

callthataspade · 15/03/2023 16:06

She was ranting in front of a friend who had just lost their mother? I'd have told her to shut the fuck up frankly

DelphiniumBlue · 15/03/2023 16:12

She's very unreasonable for ranting in front of your bereaved friend. Hope she apologised.
Also unreasonable for thinking Mother's Day trumps DHs birthday, that's very selfish indeed. Her mother's day celebration is easily moveable, his birthday is his!

pinkbaglady · 15/03/2023 16:15

callthataspade · 15/03/2023 16:06

She was ranting in front of a friend who had just lost their mother? I'd have told her to shut the fuck up frankly

This. With bells on.

Rowgtfc72 · 15/03/2023 16:18

Last year dhs birthday was on mother's day. We just moved mothers day to the following week (teen dd couldn't get her head round having to be nice to both of us on the same day)

danni0509 · 15/03/2023 16:20

She needs to grow up.

I’ve had a birthday and Mother’s Day on the same day before, dh bought me 2 presents.

She should stop being so ‘me me me’ and share the day with her dh.

Caterina99 · 15/03/2023 16:21

DHs birthday is also on Mother’s Day this year!

Normally the birthday/mothers/Father’s Day parent gets breakfast in bed (the lie in is the good part, the breakfast is usually nothing fancy, but the DC love doing it)

Anyway DC7 has decided that you can’t change a birthday, and he can’t make breakfast all by himself, so I will get my breakfast in bed on Saturday and DH his on Sunday.

All gifts will be Sunday and we are having a family lunch and joint birthday/Mother’s Day celebration with family as it’s also my brothers birthday next week too.

SquigglePigs · 15/03/2023 16:23

Definitely B. My Dad's birthday is always around Mother's Day. This year we're seeing my parents this weekend. We're doing a lovely meal for Sunday lunch that is something me, my Mum and my Dad will all enjoy. No need for it to be one or the other, both can be celebrated.

At the end of the day for both Mother's Day and adult birthday's it's about showing important people in your life that they are loved and cared about. That can be done for more than one person at a time.

The only exception to that I think would be for a "big" birthday like a 50th or something when I'd be inclined to say Mother's Day can take a back seat for once - but even then nothing to stop a little breakfast in bed, homemade card etc. for Mum whilst focussing on the big birthday.

5128gap · 15/03/2023 16:26

I'm intrigued as to what people do on these celebratory days that requires the whole day to be about them. In our house adult occasions involve the giving of gifts (half hour tops) and often a meal out (3 hours or so in the evening) The rest of the day we just carry on as normal. Plenty of time to get half a dozen 'celebrations' into a day!

staciea31 · 15/03/2023 16:26

My birthday is actually Mother’s Day this year and I’ve told everyone I’m not fussed about a birthday celebration it’s just another day I’d rather have a nice lunch with my mum and make the day about her , happy birthday to everyone else who’s falls on Mother’s Day x

DappledThings · 15/03/2023 16:34

I have a friend whose DD's birthday is this time of year so on or around MD. A couple of years ago she planned her party and it would have been MD. She wanted my opinion as to whether people wouldn't come because of the clash. It wouldn't have crossed my mind if she hadn't mentioned it. MD for me means a card, maybe flowers, not a big celebration or a day out or anything.

I don't get how two adults can't manage to give each other cards on the same day, maybe go for a nice lunch on the same day. It's daft.

KillingLoneliness · 15/03/2023 16:36

No Mother’s Day definitely doesn’t trump a birthday imo and I’d fully expect to spend the Sunday doing something nice/fun together for my DHs birthday but my DH would most likely still spoil me with a little gift from the kids and we’d end up “sharing” the day but I wouldn’t expect it, I don’t see Mother’s Day as that big of a deal anyway.

holierthanthou73 · 15/03/2023 16:38

Jesus wept I seriously wonder about people

Xelda · 15/03/2023 16:40

It's my teenage Dd's birthday on Mother's Day this year and the day will be all about her and rightly so! I'd be disappointed if I didn't get so much as a card but otherwise I'm not bothered about being made a fuss of, what with being a grown up and all that...

Alwayswonderedwhy · 15/03/2023 16:41

Neither are a massive deal in our house. Can't they just go out for a meal or whatever they want to do? What exactly is she expecting.

Gymmum82 · 15/03/2023 16:42

Christ I didn’t think birthdays or Mother’s Day were such a big deal. This Sunday dh is away all day at an event he enjoys so im on my own all day with the kids. We will go for a day out. Certainly won’t be getting spoilt.
Everyone forgot my birthday this year including me. We remembered about 2pm

Vivi0 · 15/03/2023 16:43

It’s my son’s 5th birthday on Mother’s Day and we will be celebrating that. I couldn’t care less about a card or an acknowledgement on the day, I’m just grateful to have two healthy, happy children and to be spending the day with them.