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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents of university age children never got ANY free childcare

378 replies

Cliff1975 · 15/03/2023 08:05

Whilst it is great that the government has finally realised that free childcare is needed those of us with university age children did not benefit from this and we are now supporting them through uni at great expense. Maybe once these kids who are getting free childcare get to uni that will be free too? Just can't help feeling that we are missing out from all angles?

OP posts:
lieselotte · 15/03/2023 18:22

I think it is good for mums to work because it reduces their dependence on men and forces men to give up space in the workplace to equally qualified women.

But if women prefer the 1950s model, that's fine, doesn't affect me.

But don't then come here and complain about your not so DH buggering off with someone else and leaving you a single mum with the kids with limited earning potential, no maintenance from feckless ex and you struggling to make ends meet with the cost of living crisis.

He might still bugger off and not pay maintenance if you work but at least you have maintained your earning potential, network and pension contributions.

Bunny44 · 15/03/2023 18:25

That might be true but you're at the age where you got free university, access to better child benefits, and also much more affordable housing prices. Also just think, your grandkids could be eligible for this support which benefits your children greatly and maybe even you!

LindorDoubleChoc · 15/03/2023 18:26

OMG at the bitterness in your op!! It's great that more people will get more free childcare (although where are all these trained childcare providers going to magic up from I wonder? ) if they want it. Personally, I didn't really want to work much until my children were in school - but then we all know that's where the difficulties really start.

readingisgreat · 15/03/2023 18:28

I'll swap our free childcare (from September 2025) for your cheaper house prices.

TheOriginalEmu · 15/03/2023 18:29

Cliff1975 · 15/03/2023 08:38

I have never had tax credits and now because my husband earns over the threshold, even though I am nowhere near and work in the public sector we get no child benefit.

Well no. Because as a household you’re over the threshold and as such your husband should’ve subsidising you.

🤷🏼‍♀️

TheOriginalEmu · 15/03/2023 18:31

As a parent of children similar ages to yours, I’m glad my children may benefit from free childcare. I want my children’s lives to be easier than mine was, doesn’t everyone want that? As it stands none of my children plan on having children of their own as the world seems such an uncertain, dangerous and unsafe place to them they don’t want kids. Id take the relative stability of past times over that fear!

journeyofsanity · 15/03/2023 19:57

I'm struggling to understand the point of your post. You benefitted in some ways (free education, cheaper housing) but missed out on other things that are currently available. And? Are you moaning? Is this a complaint?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 15/03/2023 20:08

Try finding 3 through university at the same time…

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 15/03/2023 20:08

Funding even

Equimum · 15/03/2023 22:02

Blossomtoes I suspect you are right on that one, unfortunately. As someone with postgrad qualifications, I will certainly be making my children really think about whether university is the right path for them. Unfortunately, though, the social mobility model is already largely defunct.

sarahsw19 · 16/03/2023 17:59

My mother missed out on child benefit as you didn't get it for the first child in those days. Also no childcare available let alone free hours . Personally I've had no free anything in my life . Some people win , some don't . Never mind .

Mary54 · 16/03/2023 18:10

Just think it’s a shame that parents are not more pleased, dare I say grateful? I guess it’s human nature always to want more than you have.
Our children are late 20s so we had no free childcare (=non-voluntary SAHM). DH used annual holiday as there was no parental leave for fathers.
Obviously I’m delighted that families are now getting more help but like OP, I can’t help wishing it had also been available to our generation.

WalkinginNemphis2 · 16/03/2023 18:20

Oh don’t be silly OP!

Also when yours were younger wages were comparatively higher, and childcare was cheaper.

Nothing like the shit storm we have now, low or stagnating wages when compared to pre 2008 coupled with unbelievably high childcare costs - something has to give.

All our public services and civil servants, teachers and NHS staff’s wages come from the public purse, one of the biggest and sustained (might actually be the biggest) percentage contributions to that purse comes from taxation coming via PAYE. The government needs more people back in work.

Don’t agree with a lot of the semantics of it but something definitely has to give.

Mere1 · 16/03/2023 18:34

Lots of us missed out. But I’m pleased there is some help for others. We had no help with child care costs, earned too much for our children to have grants and paid the whole of our parents’ nursing home fees. Then had to work longer to get our pensions.

TankFlyBossW4lk · 16/03/2023 18:37

Posts like these make me realise why we're in the mess we are in

Overthebow · 16/03/2023 18:40

TankFlyBossW4lk · 16/03/2023 18:37

Posts like these make me realise why we're in the mess we are in

Yep.

Justontherightsideofnormal · 16/03/2023 18:42

I feel your frustration, I am also a parent of a child in uni (and I'm funding him through it) however I am also a parent who was able to buy my house in 1999 at 18 yrs old for under £60k which now is worth £450k. I am also a parent who did not ever have to work full time as it only took one wage to run our house so I feel lucky I could bring my children up without them being in day nursery every day.
I am now in my early 40s and soon to be a grandmother, my plan was to reduce my hours at work to be able to offer childcare to enable my ds partner to return to work without my DS and her worrying about the added cost of nursery however due to the budget it may be that I don't need to after all.

MMUmum · 16/03/2023 18:46

My Dd in second year uni also got free hours from.3 years old

Conkersinautumn · 16/03/2023 18:52

Yes. Free education was a luxury we had when born in 75. Not so much child benefits though if our kids are uni age it was short lived before the average wage cut off.

Nurseries were heavily subsidised if private and free if school based when my uni age daughter was that young. There were also sure start centres, free playgroups and sessions organised by community health nhs etc and all manner of engaging activities that could be subsidised by funding that is of course now non existent.

rogueone · 16/03/2023 19:01

Whilst I agree in part as I ended up a single mum in the 90s. However despite having to return to work when my baby was only 4 mths I was able to get a flat with a 100% mortgage in London on my own. So I may not have benefited from free childcare I did get on the property ladder and my DC have benefited from that.

Trinity65 · 16/03/2023 19:03

Punxsutawney · 15/03/2023 08:18

My Ds's are 22 and 18 and we got 15 hours a week. If I remember rightly it wasn't until the term after their 3rd birthday. So not loads of help, but we definitely got something.

Your DS's are very close in age to my younger two and I remember the 15 hours a week
I also remember Sure start Centres.

anon666 · 16/03/2023 19:09

I'd advise quitting this grievance mentality for your own sanity.

Every generation has its ups and downs. No doubt you got cheaper housing than the current gen. It's not fair to point out one thing then get resentful.

NorthernDrizzle · 16/03/2023 19:25

That isn't accurate
My DD is 28 and she got 12.5 hours a week from term after 3
My son is 24 and he got 12.5 hours a week as above
(early education not childcare)

for info- this has all of the details Public funding of early years education in England:
An historical perspective
core.ac.uk/download/pdf/46172863.pdf

Sceptre86 · 16/03/2023 19:28

You are thinking in a very individualistic way but we live in a society. If you had free tuition at uni you benefited from that and your children will have too. I had to pay fees at uni so I could begrudge you your free higher education and the fact that I'm still paying off my student loans. My kids benefit from my education because I've gone into a field in which a degree is needed and it pays reasonably well. There are also all the soft skills they benefit from as well as my attitude towards education. I'm in Scotland and they've already increased the hours of preschool provision since my eldest went. I don't begrudge those that have had kids after me.

It doesn't have to be a race to the bottom. Each generation has its own challenges. My parents benefited from lower house prices but wages were lower too and free childcare non existent. They had to make a lot of sacrifices before they could get on the property ladder.

As to those kids that think a yearly holiday abroad, the latest fashion and gadgets are necessities, once they start earning their own money they get a sharp reality check. They learn just as we did.

LovelyLisa2 · 16/03/2023 20:14

I have to agree with you. Older children are generally so much more expensive and you soon realise that nursery is nothing.