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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bullying boss

31 replies

Helpmeworkissues · 14/03/2023 20:29

I don't want to get into anything identifying my boss has picked at everything I do and it got so bad I was feeling suicidal. I tried to leave and resigned and was asked to reconsider by higher up and I did but bullying started again now and I don't know what to do. I've been there 15 years new person 1 year. I flagged their behaviour which is when this started. Other people have had issues too but it's being ignored. Should I quit? Stick it out? I work in an office.

OP posts:
Antst · 14/03/2023 21:25

Things get confusing for people in the middle of bad situations. As an outsider, I can tell you that you should not be in any job where you're feeling suicidal.

I don't know what your field is--whether it's hard to find a new job or not. But in many professions, the job market is great right now and employers are desperate to find staff.

I'm not telling you to quit your job immediately. Most adults don't have that luxury because there are bills to pay. But in my opinion, you need to start applying for other positions TODAY. Get yourself out of there as soon as possible. Give yourself a deadline to hand in your notice.

Honestly, it sounds to me like you're comfortable. You've been there for 15 years and you don't want to have to adjust to a new workplace and/or new people. You like approval from your supervisors. But you need a reality check. You are dangerously depressed because of this job. You need to get out no matter what your supervisors are telling you.

I hope you do this. Remember that if your supervisors are encouraging you to stay, it's because you're a good worker. You can find another job. Good luck!

Original poster
Helpmeworkissues · 14/03/2023 22:48

I'm applying for everything job I can. They pick at everything I do. I worry everyday going in they will give a disciplinary. Would asking gp for time off impact me negatively for a new job?

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmeworkissues · 14/03/2023 22:56

Why bully if they think I'm good? They pick holes in anything tiny I do.

OP posts:
PhukOph · 14/03/2023 23:05

Get signed off while you're getting another job. No job it's worth feeling suicidal about.

Original poster
Helpmeworkissues · 14/03/2023 23:24

Will being signed off count against me with new employer? Bullying started when I was ill a year ago.

OP posts:
PhukOph · 14/03/2023 23:28

I dont imagine you need to tell them you're off sick. Unless they do HR checks about your sick days, then you could tell them you were off due to the stresses of handing your notice in.

CrotchetyQuaver · 14/03/2023 23:33

I've been in this situation. I'd see about getting yourself signed off sick and whilst you're off, hopefully you'll find a new job. If the new employers ask, just be honest with them.

neitherofthem · 14/03/2023 23:37

Go back to whoever it was 'higher up' who persuaded you to stay the first time. Tell them exactly what you have told us, and see what they say. You have nothing to lose. If they do nothing to rectify the issue with your boss, and they continue to bully you, criticises everything you do and unreasonably starts a disciplines you, then you will have a very good case for constructive dismissal against your employer. Especially since the bullying started when you were ill.

Original poster
Helpmeworkissues · 15/03/2023 00:04

I don't know if higher up will do anything as they said they would when I agreed to stay and they haven't done anything yet. I'm not sure why bully is starting up again. New employers some do sickness checks which is what worries me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmeworkissues · 15/03/2023 15:52

I might have found a temp job. Should I take the temp job or stick with this permanent one? No possibility of temp becoming permanent and single mum to 10 year old boy. But if bullies keep going they could make getting any job harder.

OP posts:
PhukOph · 15/03/2023 16:13

Take it! 💕

Original poster
Helpmeworkissues · 15/03/2023 17:42

It's not too risky? If it was just me I wouldn't be so worried.

OP posts:
ShapesAndNumbers · 15/03/2023 17:44

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

PhukOph · 15/03/2023 17:51

I woukd 100% take a temp job whilst looking for a permanent job

Cutesbabasmummy · 15/03/2023 18:00

Raise a formal grievance. This us not acceptable because they are bullying you out of a job. Document everything. If you are in a union speak to your rep. I've just been through a grievance and it was upheld.

Original poster
Helpmeworkissues · 15/03/2023 18:24

I'm in Union. Will grievance work? I worry about formal action which could affect me getting work elsewhere which is why I'm thinking of leaving now. The person bullying me has a reputation of bullying and is being assessed due to their own mistakes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmeworkissues · 15/03/2023 18:24

They've reduced other staff members to tears.

OP posts:
Cutesbabasmummy · 16/03/2023 18:46

Yes definitely raise a grievance! Contact your rep ASAP. They will help you through the process. And if other people have been bullied and are union members you could raise a collective grievance. There is strength in numbers. Pm me if you need any more help. I'm a rep for my workplace x

Original poster
Helpmeworkissues · 17/03/2023 00:23

The seniors tend to close ranks. When I raised issues before that is what started the bullying. I have emailed rep asking for a private talk.

OP posts:
Cantseethewoodforthetree · 17/03/2023 04:48

I’ve been in a similar situation and when you are in the middle of getting bullied at work it’s hard to retain perspective. Two weeks into a new job was when I realised that I was in fact good at my job, and that it is actually unacceptable to bully colleagues and not at all normal to do so. My self esteem had been in the gutter too. Everyone I have worked with since has been lovely (but I do have a very good ‘bully’ radar and am extremely careful to ensure I don’t take a job where the colleagues could be nasty).

id recommend leaving OP as the management don’t seem to be acting on your concerns. It can be hard when you have kids and have a childcare set up that works with your job but you really don’t deserve to be treated like this. Chin up and good luck.

OhamIreally · 17/03/2023 08:37

Is it Dominic Raab?

Seriously though keep job hunting, being bullied at work colours your entire life.

DrManhattan · 17/03/2023 08:58

You either need to move department or look for a job elsewhere. Bully won't change and management probably cannot be arsed to deal with it as it takes effort. Good luck.

Original poster
Helpmeworkissues · 17/03/2023 15:53

I have 2 years savings should I just quit now and keep looking?

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmeworkissues · 29/03/2023 10:10

Hi just an update: I've been offered a temp job with someone I worked with before and checks are going through so I resigned last week. High up boss asked why and I explained. They asked me to stay I said no. They said they'd sort it.

OP posts:
Newestname002 · 29/03/2023 13:44

@Helpmeworkissues

High up boss asked why and I explained. They asked me to stay I said no. They said they'd sort it.

It's a shame they didn't sort out the problem before it got to this stage. I think it's an inconvenience for them you resigning as it will cost them in effort and money to replace you. I wonder if they're afraid others will follow your lead and resign also. What a shame they didn't appreciate the type of value you represent as a good employee before it came to this.

Good luck in your new role OP and hopefully the temp job will become permanent. Whether or not it does though, leaving your old toxic job with poor management should be good for your mental well-being and will give you space and confidence to look for a better job for your future. 🌹