To ask DC for a financial contribution?

[ThatMam]

and if so how much?

DC is 20 and still lives at home.
They finish college in July, I have not been taking money while they were at college up to now as I received tax credits for them still which have now stopped and I wanted them financially not to have to worry at college.

They currently receive almost £400 a month PIP which will rise shortly but it obviously for disability costs.
Between £200 and £450 a month wage depending on hours which will also rise as they will be doing more hours when college finishes.
They also receive £80 a month from a Grandparent

At the moment they pay nothing, I am paying for all household costs, all food, toiletries and all that kind of thing, we both buy clothes, i.e if I see something nice and I have the money I will buy it them, if they want something they will get it.

They do pay for their own lunches while at work, their phone top up, they have a bus pass so no transport costs, they pay wifi for the household because I was not bothered about having it (data on phone was fine for me) and they were.

Aibu to ask for some kind of contribution when they finish college?
How much do I take if so with varying wages?!

I have a disabled child, I'm evil according to mn I take a third, I did it with my others my mum did it to me, the others have moved out and are brilliant at managing their money

PIP and grandparent monies I think are irrelevant. I'd personally be reluctant to take anything on a £200 wage. Different if/when he gets more.

I wouldn’t take anything from their PIP unless you really need it, but have a set % of their wages - 25% or 33% unless you need more.

If you can afford not to take rent then I’d ask them to save the equivalent you’d have asked for, rather than charging them rent, but that depends on your finances.

This thread is posted most days, if you look back at all the 100s of other instances you'll see that as you'd expect there are pretty much as many views as there are families

There's on right answer, you have to decide what is the most appropriate solution for your circumstances

How much are you losing in tax credits?

I would take a third of their wages and leave their PIP and money from grandparents alone.

PIP is for living. Living costs money. It isn't ring fenced for anything. And I say that as someone who gets PIP.

Your children are not children, they are adults. You do them no favours by letting them think that life is for free and that money is for what you want, not what you need. There are entire families who live on less than what they have as disposable income. They need to pay their way.

My DC are 22 and 24 and they give me approximately 10% of their take home pay, they pay for their own phones, travel and any lunches at work.

Why do they get PIP? Would they be expected to cost more in terms of food, heating, electricity or such like because of their disability? If so, then clearly that money should go towards those costs. if not, what is it spent on? If they have to spend all of it on unavoidable extra costs related to their disability (e.g. transport) then you should discount that as actual income.

I get PIP, as a mother, I spend some on medical stuff and the rest goes on e.g. food shopping. What about ESA?

My mum charged me about 20% below the cost of a house share, but no deposit, free food even a surprise laundry service.

Will they be working full time once they finish college? Will they be saving for a house deposit?

Goodchat a significant amount, (hundreds) as I am a single working parent and also got a disability premium for them.

howmanybicycles I am definitely spending a lot more on heating, theirs is on 24/7 to some extent most of the year round as susceptible to the cold. (their room only) limited diet and only eats certain brands which cost more.
They buy other equipment, incontinence pads etc.

Quveas That is one of the issues. Currently they can easily have £600 a month disposable income, in the holidays more, that will rise if and when their hours increase when college finishes.
It can be rather frustrating to be worrying about making sure you have enough money for everything you need while your dc are buying £140 trainers...

Orangesandlemons77 they are still at college currently so not on ESA.
Not sure about ESA or how it works tbh.

Overthebow we are not sure. They hope to. Definitely not saving for a house as very lucky that they will inherit.

@ThatMam in that case they'll need to contribute something.

If they're working I think 25% of their wages seems fair.

OP there's no standard answer. It really depends on your circumstances.

We asked for board when my son was in full time work. We don't need it, but held the view that he needs to know living costs money. He gladly paid it.

My daughter has a minimum wage job. We ask for nothing. Again we can afford to subsidise her.

Your situation is different and it appears a contribution would make a difference to you.

How much do you think is fair?

You can only get contributions based ESA. It's universal credit for those that don't qualify for contributions based

I’d ask for a % of the monthly wage if it is going to differ all the time, eg 20%. I know this is a nuisance in that it will be different for you every month but I think a flat rate is a bit harsh unless dc’s pay is going to level out

"howmanybicycles I am definitely spending a lot more on heating, theirs is on 24/7 to some extent most of the year round as susceptible to the cold. (their room only) limited diet and only eats certain brands which cost more.
They buy other equipment, incontinence pads etc."

so this is what PIP should be covering then? I think I'd probably take about £200 tbh. Assuming that the other £200 covers all other disability related costs, that still leaves them with around £100 a week after food and housing costs - i.e. a lot. When they earn more I'd up the contribution to about £300. That should cover food, extra bills and other additional costs do you think? I don't believe that working adults who are no in FTE should expect others to cover their costs. That still leaves him plenty of money to save or fritter, whichever he chooses right now.

I'm not sure on this tbh. Some months your DC will only have £680 to live on so how could they £600 disposal income some months?

Can your DC do their own food shop online?

You could start with £100 per month.

Are you sure they have £600 disposable income though.... as you said:

They currently receive almost £400 a month PIP which will rise shortly but it obviously for disability costs

Does any of it actually go on disability costs? Or does it just go in their bank and they spend it on £140 trainers. That's where you need to understand what disability costs they have, and make a decision on what you think they should be paying you.

Check out if they can get ESA, possibly if working part time. Maybe get a benefits check.

Could you be eligible for Universal credit?

I think you may also get a carer's element on UC. I would check it all out.

My adult DS gets PIP. He pays for his mobile phone and clothes.

He also contributes towards the house running costs i.e broadband, food, utilities etc.

They are only paying out for incontinence pads, work lunches (twice a week) a £10 phone top up and £20 broadband so it would not be that far under £600 to be honest and with all the holidays (so Feb, April, June, July, August, October, December) many months will usually be significantly more. This month they will get around £450 wage due to half term and extra hours, £400 pip, £80 off Grandparents.

I am not entirely sure what they buy with their PIP. I do know that they buy food for work, incontinence pads and sensory equipment. They have previously bought ear defenders, noise cancelling headphones and that type of thing.
other than that they seem to have the money in their bank account.

A percentage instead of a set amount seems a good way of working it out thank you. It was the varying amount I was getting stuck on!