Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not continue mother's day for grandparents?

51 replies

SpringHexagon · 14/03/2023 16:21

I'm wondering what people's thoughts are on getting cards/ gifts for grandparents on mother's day?
When I was growing up it was always a thing that I would get for my mum and my gran, but I didn't have a dad so my gran helped raise me.
DH has never given his gran on mother's day.
AIBU to consider not carrying on the grandparents celebration on mother's day for my DM and MIL?

OP posts:
Aftjbtibg · 14/03/2023 16:24

I don’t think you need to but I also think it’s a nice to send a card; we always did growing up and I do with my DC. I don’t do gifts though; I give my mum a gift that’s from me.

UdoU · 14/03/2023 16:24

If your mum and gran raised you then you should absolutely acknowledge them both on Mother’s Day.

Don’t acknowledge MIL or DH’s grandparents, they didn’t raise you.

PaperwhiteTheGhost · 14/03/2023 16:25

Was never a thing for me crowing up. Stuff for my grandmothers came from my mum and dad- their children.

My sister and I usually send my Nan a card and flowers now, but only since our dad (her only child) died.

pilates · 14/03/2023 16:25

I only buy for my Mum. Never bought for my grandmothers and my children don’t buy for my mum. Honestly, I wouldn’t start otherwise it will be expected. My children have a great relationship with their gran too.

BreviloquentBastard · 14/03/2023 16:27

I don't think it's typical but I always get my gran something, she's 99, she deserves it.

My daughter just gets for me, my mam doesn't expect anything from her but a hug, but expects a lot of spoiling from me and my husband!

mrsm43s · 14/03/2023 16:30

Your children get for you (with help if needed)
You get for your mum.
Your dh gets for his mum
Your mum/mil get for their mums ( if still alive).

Original poster
SpringHexagon · 14/03/2023 16:34

Sorry if I was unclear, I don't mean for me to continue (I absolutely agree and continued to get my gran cards and gifts until she passed away), I mean whether to continue it on and get a card/ gift for my mum and MIL from my daughter.
This is my first year as a mum so undecided what to do.

OP posts:
UdoU · 14/03/2023 16:47

No, I wouldn't get it from your dd. You are making more work for yourself. If dd wants to get them a card when she is older, she can make them.

DaveyJonesLocker · 14/03/2023 16:52

I buy a card for DM from DS and DH buys for MIL. gifts are just like from both of us I guess

DaveyJonesLocker · 14/03/2023 16:52

Its like 99p, why not.

thegreylady · 14/03/2023 16:53

I am a loving and loved grandparent. I don’t expected my dgc to remember me on Mothers Day. I am not their Mother! I do like a card from my dc and I hope my dgc remember their own mums x

Kimberz · 14/03/2023 16:55

I only buy for my Mum.

My Dad sadly passed away 2 years ago so we take Nan out for dinner on Mothers day now, my uncle lives in the US but still sends flowers every year.

This year my uncle is coming over so we are having him and my Nan here for Sunday dinner on Mothers day along with my Mum and the rest of the family.

Kimberz · 14/03/2023 16:57

I don't get my Mum gifts from my girls

mrsm43s · 14/03/2023 16:58

No, not from your daughter to your Mum or MIL. The card/gift for your Mum/MIL should come from you/your DH.

msbevvy · 14/03/2023 17:02

Why would you do that? They aren't missing out as you will be getting them gifts and cards from you. It's Mothers Day not Grandparents Day.

Your daughter is too young to get anyone anything anyway.

Sunspel · 14/03/2023 17:05

I don't think you need to at all - it really does just depends on whether you want to/what the relationship is like.

I used to buy my nan a small gift and give her a card on mother's day - however, my mum (her only child) died young so I didn't have a mum and she didn't have a daughter. I don't think I was consistent with this though - I can't really remember now. I wasn't really that close to her so I did it because I felt it was the right thing to do more than an act of thanks/love. I didn't for my other nan (she lived hours away and had a lot of children and grandchildren - I barely knew her really).

I used to organise a card/present for MIL from the DC when they were young/little but stopped as they got older and I didn't encourage them to continue independently, as she made very little effort with them (especially after the age of 8 or 9) so it all felt a bit fake and silly.

I wouldn't in your situation now. You buy for your mum, DH for his mum and your DC for you otherwise it all gets a bit silly and when will your DC ever stop?

MajorCarolDanvers · 14/03/2023 17:08

Ffs get them a bloody card.

whatthebejesus · 14/03/2023 17:16

Yea a card and a bunch of daffodils. Sorted for less than £5

PeekAtYou · 14/03/2023 17:18

How involved are they? Some grandparents do so much childcare that it would be rude not to recognize that imo.

Thehonestbadger · 14/03/2023 17:20

I’m getting my mum a ‘grandma’ card because she definitely does as much (if not more) parenting as my husband does so deserves the recognition.

I’m not getting MIL one as she acts like a nan.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/03/2023 17:21

MajorCarolDanvers · 14/03/2023 17:08

Ffs get them a bloody card.

She is getting a card. From her to her mother.

Why would she get another card from a baby, essentially also from her? It's ridiculous. Two cards for no reason.

And let DH sort his own mum whichever way he likes.

Flossiemoss · 14/03/2023 17:22

Depends on your budget and whether you can afford to spare that cash, and your dm attitude to Mother’s Day.
ive always got cards for dm and dmil-can’t remember getting cards from dc for dgm. Anyway they have grandparent s day if you were so inclined.

I really wouldnt want my dc spending money they couldn’t spare on dgm cards for me. I’m not comfortable with them spending much money on me anyway.

Sluj · 14/03/2023 17:23

PaperwhiteTheGhost · 14/03/2023 16:25

Was never a thing for me crowing up. Stuff for my grandmothers came from my mum and dad- their children.

My sister and I usually send my Nan a card and flowers now, but only since our dad (her only child) died.

That's a lovely thing to do, she is still a mum after all even if her child isn't here. The day will be hard enough for her so it's nice to have that acknowledgement

TheMainWoman · 14/03/2023 17:24

It's mother's day. Everyone acknowledged their own mother or whoever cared for them as a child.

DorritLittle · 14/03/2023 17:25

I never bought my grandmothers a mother's day card and only might have in the situation @PaperwhiteTheGhost is in.