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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not continue mother's day for grandparents?

51 replies

SpringHexagon · 14/03/2023 16:21

I'm wondering what people's thoughts are on getting cards/ gifts for grandparents on mother's day?
When I was growing up it was always a thing that I would get for my mum and my gran, but I didn't have a dad so my gran helped raise me.
DH has never given his gran on mother's day.
AIBU to consider not carrying on the grandparents celebration on mother's day for my DM and MIL?

OP posts:

MajorCarolDanvers · 14/03/2023 17:27

What's the bah humbug equivalent for mothers Day misery guts?

GotABeatForYouMama · 14/03/2023 17:29

I never bought my dad's mother a card or present (my maternal GP's died before I was born), but she was a vicious old hag anyway.

user1497787065 · 14/03/2023 17:30

We've never done Mothers Day so I don't think it's common for all.

SadMadGlad · 14/03/2023 17:31

My son gets something for me. My husband gets something for his mum from him.

familyissues12345 · 14/03/2023 17:37

My parents expect cards from my DS's, it bugs me a bit (it's the expectation/demanding that annoys me!) but I get on with it.

Growing up we never bought for grandparents, so that's how I personally think it should continue.

My parents are nice, but overstep the boundary mark where my children are concerned so I do raise an eyebrow at them a lot!

MissMogwai · 14/03/2023 17:42

My family have always got grandma a card and small gift, just what we do. It's a nice thing to do and doesn't have to be expensive unless you make it so.

My husband's family don't - each to their own.

I'm a grandma now and I get a wonderful homemade card and a little something off my little grandchildren which I love and they love to do it.

Redglitter · 14/03/2023 17:44

My Mum always gets a card from my nieces, usually accompanied by something like a bunch of daffodils. Costs next to nothing but it means a lot to her

Nanny0gg · 14/03/2023 17:46

SpringHexagon · 14/03/2023 16:34

Sorry if I was unclear, I don't mean for me to continue (I absolutely agree and continued to get my gran cards and gifts until she passed away), I mean whether to continue it on and get a card/ gift for my mum and MIL from my daughter.
This is my first year as a mum so undecided what to do.

No. You do your mum.

Your DH does his mum and he sorts you out from your DD

TheVanguardSix · 14/03/2023 17:46

So… they got old and stopped being mothers? Is this the logic we’re working with here or have I missed the point?

Get them cards. It’s such a minuscule effort. I get one for my ex MIL because she is a mum and a great one at that. She can’t do or be what she once was as a younger mother, but her heart’s capacity is enormous and she hasn’t retired from being a mum (that I’m aware of).

Woodywasatwat · 14/03/2023 17:47

PIL lose their shit if they don’t get a visit and cards/gifts from our children and dh on mothera/fathers day.

Donnashair · 14/03/2023 17:47

I always put my kids on the card to my mum and her present was from Amman as the kids as well. But she was very involved with them.

TheVanguardSix · 14/03/2023 17:51

Ah! My apologies! I missed the point.

I’d just do both grannies’ cards from DD at the same time. Done. Send.

And you’re a new mum! I hope they’re showering you with total love this year on your very first Mother’s Day, OP. It’s very special. Congratulations! ❤️

Hopeful16 · 14/03/2023 17:52

I know people will moan BUT we do Grandparents Day which is in October. My parents have always done a lot for the kids so get a little card and treat then.
Mother's/ Father's Day is from me to my parents.

Wishawisha · 14/03/2023 17:53

TheVanguardSix · 14/03/2023 17:46

So… they got old and stopped being mothers? Is this the logic we’re working with here or have I missed the point?

No I think she’s asking if she should get them each two cards.

From her to her Mum / DH to her Mum
From the baby to the grandmothers

I can’t see why you would do option 2 at all. If you’re not keen definitely don’t start.

GandhiDeclaredWarOnYou · 14/03/2023 17:53

You get your mum a card and gift/flowers.

Your partner gets his mum a card and gift/flowers.

You don’t send a card to them from your child, it’s Mother’s Day not Grandmother’s or Aunt, or Godmother.

If grandparents are part of the day to day upbringing of a child, yes, I can see a rationale for getting something. But a normal grandparent relationship? Nah.

Congratulations on your baby. I hope your partner remembers to get you something to celebrate your first Mother’s Day.

Myonlysunshine123 · 14/03/2023 17:55

I always got for my nan but she took care of me alot, when I first got with my partner tho he thought it was weird to get his nan a present, it's just what you're used to I suppose

Ponoka7 · 14/03/2023 17:56

I didn't buy cards, I made them with my children, hand prints as a baby etc. My Mum did childcare for me so my children wanted to give her a present, it was something small. Sometimes the mixer to go with the alcohol I'd bought her.

IWineAndDontDine · 14/03/2023 17:57

PaperwhiteTheGhost · 14/03/2023 16:25

Was never a thing for me crowing up. Stuff for my grandmothers came from my mum and dad- their children.

My sister and I usually send my Nan a card and flowers now, but only since our dad (her only child) died.

That's really lovely. I'm sure that means a lot to her

ItsJustASimpleLine · 14/03/2023 17:59

We add the kids names to the cards we send our Mams rather then a card specificially from them.

MIL is not happy about this and wants a grandmother card it caused a bit of upset. I was willing to get her one to keep the peace but DH didn't want to and so we don't, it was his choice.

To me you get a card from your child with their family added on as its Mother's Day not Grandmother's day. They certainly aren't forgotten.

WithOneLook · 14/03/2023 18:01

Maybe ask your Mum? I have had this conversation with my Mum as its my first Mother's Day and my sisters children bought for her when they were young. She is very involved in my daughters life but we've agreed not to do anything 'from' my daughter. We do 'do' grandparents day though (or at least I did for her last year!)

Erictheavocado · 14/03/2023 19:17

This wasn't something we did, either as children or when my own DC's were little. But, last year my dgs insisted on getting me and his other nana flowers and a card from him. I can't tell you how you how touched I was when he gave me his little bunch of flowers and a card he'd written himself. I didn't, and don't, expect a card or gift, but as a one off, it meant so much because I know it was what he wanted to do. I am so lucky that my dil is happy to let him do it and to help him..

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/03/2023 19:52

MajorCarolDanvers · 14/03/2023 17:27

What's the bah humbug equivalent for mothers Day misery guts?

It's more bah humbug to expect mums to spend Mother's Day facilitating cards and gifts for all and sundry.

Of all the days women should spend making sure everyone else has everything else, Mother's Day shouldn't be it.

MajorCarolDanvers · 14/03/2023 20:05

@MrsTerryPratchett

No not for all and sundry

For loved grandmas. At least that's how I saw them. I loved my grandmas.

Not just some randoms.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/03/2023 20:06

I loved my grandmothers and they got any amount of artwork, chocolates, birthday cards and hugs.

My mother didn't send them Mother's Day cards when I was a baby as well as the card she sent from her. Because that makes no sense.

AcrobaticCardigan · 14/03/2023 20:14

I think it’s a nice mark of respect to send grandparents cards on Mother’s Day / Father’s Day. It’s just a little way of showing love & appreciation!

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