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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband set an alarm to pay attention

69 replies

Daisydread · 14/03/2023 14:52

Thoughts please? Me and hubby weren’t really getting along not really fighting but also not massively happy spoke to hubby he said he was happy blah blah blah he works a lot, and works away.

Now I heard an alarm going off on his phone and it was my name, I’ve asked him and it’s an alarm to remind him about me.

I keep thinking about it a getting annoyed, AIBU? I just keep thinking I want a partner that doesn’t need an alarm to remind him he has a wife

OP posts:
PuddlesPityParty · 14/03/2023 18:03

I think he’s making an effort for you

Original poster
Daisydread · 14/03/2023 18:06

wasn't expecting this amount of responses tbh, yeah I do feel like I could be nit picking and that’s why I came on here.

I am glad the majority of you think that way, I can stop thinking about it now

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 14/03/2023 18:09

Try not to to put him down/be annoyed with him for trying to be better/trying to think of you more. He is trying.

Doyoumind · 14/03/2023 18:11

Onnabugeisha · 14/03/2023 15:49

We do too. Plus alarm for the bins to go out. Alarm to make dinner if it’s our turn, alarm to warn of dinner in five minutes if not our turn to cook. Alarm to take a shower in the evening. Alarm to get out the house for appointments. Alarm for zoom meetings. Alarm to check doors are locked before bed. The works.

Show quote history

I also have all the alarms. My mind is too busy to be relied on without them.

I can't get what you're upset about OP. He's done something positive. Don't create an issue out of it.

KillingLoneliness · 14/03/2023 18:17

I honestly think this is super sweet! I’m ND and forget people exist if they aren’t around me 😬

Widowtoaworkaholic · 14/03/2023 18:25

Daisydread · 14/03/2023 15:35

Yeah like I say, I have to be honest no I am not happy about it I do all of our arranging, 90% childcare, 90% housework all cooking I work part time and he works long hours and is constantly on his phone so yeah I am annoyed that he needs a reminder. To add to this he is choosing to work all these hours, I am talking 8 in the morning till 9/10 at night

if you think I am wrong then that’s kinda good I can accept that but I can’t help how I feel

I can empathise with this so much but in all honesty, the fact he's taken the initiative to set an alarm and time aside isn't a bad thing. It means he recognises something isn't right and wants to make an effort. X

EmmaEmerald · 14/03/2023 18:26

KillingLoneliness · 14/03/2023 18:17

I honestly think this is super sweet! I’m ND and forget people exist if they aren’t around me 😬

I don't have a diagnosis but it really bugs me when friends aren't around for a long time and then just want to meet up after, say, six months. I'm beginning to think it might be a problem with my brain.

JennaTooIs · 14/03/2023 18:29

I actually think that's quite cute lol, although I do 100% understand where you're coming from.

moviesanddonuts · 14/03/2023 18:30

I think this is really sweet. You spoke to him about something and he's taking action to change his pattern of behaviour.

Stillcountingbeans · 14/03/2023 18:32

PeekAtYou · 14/03/2023 15:55

Is he neurodiverse ?

I ask because there is an episode of Big Bang Theory. Sheldon (who is clearly ND) had sex with his newly wed wife (who isn't ND) scheduled. She is initially furious that he has to schedule and. He explains that he loves her and sex but has a low libido so if he didn't remind himself then he might forget and she might end up having sex with someone else. They end up compromising. He keeps sex on his schedule but doesn't tell her when that reminder happens so she can feel like it's more spontaneous.

It sounds like there's problems between you and your h but I'd want to know why I was a reminder too.

Off topic, but Amy is definitely also ND. ASD presents differently in women.

Dodgeitornot · 14/03/2023 18:33

That's quite sweet :') if he truly didn't care, he wouldn't be setting reminders.

Dodgeitornot · 14/03/2023 18:34

@PeekAtYou Funny you think Amy isn't ND lol. She's a much better representation of a ND person than Sheldon.

Dodgeitornot · 14/03/2023 18:35

Also, how cute that he didn't rub this in your face. He could've easily been a prick about this and said something like "see how much I'm trying I even set an alarm". It's quite sweet really. He's obviously really trying.

EmmaDilemma5 · 14/03/2023 18:38

I actually think it's quite sweet.
Long term relationships are hard; they have their ups and downs, that's normal.

People also get complacent, that too is normal. So he's trying to counter that by actively making time for you.

You have to remember that very few relationships don't have struggles. If you're not happy, work on it.

EmmaEmerald · 14/03/2023 18:41

Wait...Amy is ND?
this thread has got me thinking a lot about timetabling non-work things.

Nosecan · 14/03/2023 18:42

He’s making an effort.

Coconut2018 · 14/03/2023 18:45

If it makes you feel better, I have an alarm set on my phone to remember to pick my child up from preschool that he goes to every day because if I didn’t I would almost certainly forget he existed for a short while 🥴

My partner texts me every morning/ day and if his lucky I manage to reply straight away without getting distracted, sometimes it can be hours before I go oooh I haven’t heard from “SO” for a while before I realise I hadn’t even text him back..

I love both my kids and partner and would rather be with them than working or doing anything else but I just honestly have a brain like a sieve and get easily distracted so have to set alarms to remind myself, have an honest conversation with him and ask him why he has a reminder..

I’ve been referred for ADHD diagnosis so I think that explains my problems 🙈

itsgettingweird · 14/03/2023 18:49

Daisydread · 14/03/2023 15:35

Yeah like I say, I have to be honest no I am not happy about it I do all of our arranging, 90% childcare, 90% housework all cooking I work part time and he works long hours and is constantly on his phone so yeah I am annoyed that he needs a reminder. To add to this he is choosing to work all these hours, I am talking 8 in the morning till 9/10 at night

if you think I am wrong then that’s kinda good I can accept that but I can’t help how I feel

If he spends a lot of time on his phone ,abbé he's realised that's a good way to bring him to attention and remind him how long he's been on there? Therefore he's doing as you asked and asking for him to consider you more.

I'm not denying it's a quirky way.

Perhaps set alarms for him that say "put washing in" or "load the dishwasher". Grin

HoldTightandPretenditsaPlan · 14/03/2023 18:53

I have adhd... If I don't do stuff like this, I forget people exist... For real!

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