‘a lot of women say they don’t [orgasm from sex] until after they have a kid’

[SashaPearce]

Just reading this article:

pagesix.com/2023/03/13/rachel-bilson-didnt-orgasm-from-sex-until-she-was-38/

Cummings noted that she hears “a lot of women say they don’t [orgasm from penetrative sex] until after they have a kid’

I have never heard this before, AIBU to wonder if it’s nonsense?

YABU - yes, having a kid creates this ability

YANBU - some women can orgasm from penetrative sex, most don’t, having a child makes no difference either way

I'm jealous that anyone still manages to have sex after having a kid.

YANBU - (no children, no problems having an orgasm from penetrative sex).

Not exactly a scientific study, is it? 🤔

Wait, people have sex after having a kid?? 🤔

News to me!

I wish to vote Yabu. Happened to me once or twice. But never BC
Before Children..
Wouldn't generalise it happening to everyone though.

That’s an appropriate name.

IN my case it was true, I never orgasming with my ex husband then stayed single for about 10 years after the youngest and I orgasm about 99% of the time with my partner but we just put that down to compatibility and the fact my ex was fairly handy with his hands so I didnt enjoy sex anyway with him. It is interesting though.

It's definitely not the rule (I'm proof of that). But I guess I could see why it might be the case, there could be some physiological reasons why your anatomy might respond differently after going through labour?

I might also wonder if there's a psychological element to it too: very pop psychology but - a lot of my friends say that, while they're sometimes unhappy with their post-children bodies, they also feel much more connected with their body as a result of pregnancy/birth. And that there's a kind of internal confidence in themselves/their bodies from growing a human and caring for it - and I think that might help 'letting go' a bit, making orgasm easier?

I've no idea, although it's actually true for me but not in a direct way. I never orgasmed through penetrative sex, had DD at 32 and at 35 bought a toy and had my first O. I never thought it was possible.
That's not to say it wouldn't have happened if I'd bought the toy years previously.

Oh, I didn't see this was about only penetrative sex. Never orgasmed from PIV either before or after childbirth.

My orgasms improved after having after baby! Was a pleasant surprise

Did they control for age?

As in, being older generally means more experience in knowing what you like and perhaps more confidence as well?

Precisely.

☝️I was about to post this too. It's an age thing.

And, on another note...'Cummings'! What a name 😅

'Cummings'! What an apt name.
Is this serious.😁

@PandasAreUseless My dh had to attend a department at a hospital in Manchester to provide sperm samples before starting chemo. The lady who worked there was called, rather appropriately, Cummings.

I have never had a problem reaching orgasm during PIV sex before or after I had my DC, but it did get a bit more difficult afterwards because my g-spot somehow moved to a slightly less convenient position after childbirth so it wasn’t getting hit as much.

I didn't enjoy sex or orgasm with my ex. Sex was something I just had to get on with, and I wouldn't have cared if I never had sex again. I used to just want to get it over with. We were together from teenagers until we divorced in our early 30s. We had 2 dc, but the sex was never good.

Sex is completely different with my partner now. I orgasm several times, every time, until I can't take any more, and I'm left wondering if this pleasure will ever end. I sometimes start to feel faint from orgasming over and over. Now I crave sex with him, and I don't want it to end.

Nonsense.

I think it’s more likely this.

I was always a bit hit and miss with orgasms pre children but also I didn’t meet my now dh until after I’d had my first child and he’s very good in bed - previous partners not so much.
Im always shocked when some women say they’ve never orgasmed and it always makes me wonder whether it’s more that their partners don’t have a clue what to do!

'A lot of people say ...' - i.e. completely meaningless remark.

I am childfree, nearly 50, post-hysterectomy and have never had an issue - and that is also meaningless in the context of the question.

Unless a properly controlled study is done, no one can answer this.

Its interesting to see the voting results, it's not a scientific study but clearly at odds with that article. I'm with the MN posters on this one! Plus as mentioned above age/experience must be a factor.

Does it even matter in the real world though? It seems to me that expectations and reality are totally out of sync. Growing up, based on what you'd read or seen in movies, then it seemed very clear cut: PIV for a few minutes and simultaneous O for the woman and the man, it's very simple!

That was was initial assumption starting out, and how wrong I was :) I really wonder whether any of the other posters had different expectations when younger? Or maybe I was totally naïve?

I think that age and experience is surely a bigger factor, rather than having kids.

I know it's broadly assumed that all women masturbate, discover themselves as teens. I know from speaking with close friends, I'm the outlier in that didn't happen with me until much later. So with much less and and self knowledge, that would have been a "blocker" for me. But I figured it out :)

This actually was the case for me. I never orgasmed through penetration until after I had children. May have just been a coincidence though. Never heard about it being a ‘thing’.

@DanceMonster the article did not resonate with me, but your post shows there differences between us! Never heard about it as a thing either

I can also imagine that there are huge differences between how people "fit" together, how they can adjust timing, if that is not right, then the right things are not going to happen (without a helping hand). I've had kids and certainly have that problem of needing a helping hand.

We've been short changed by evolution too in a major way too. For the male, it seems so simple, reproducible, but not for us.

I remember a thread from a while back about a woman who never had an orgasm (not just PIV, never ever it seemed, if I read correctly). Now that must be a really difficult situation :( Evolution has not been kind to us!