To not get my inattentive child formally assessed.

[Cozytoesandtoast00]

Hi all,
I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD a few years ago.
The diagnosis explained a few things but to be honest as I was not able to take medication for health reasons, I just adjusted my life accordingly and feel happy where I am with things.
My 11 year old daughter is about to start secondary school this year and is showing a few traits. She is average at school in most subjects apart from maths which she finds more difficult but is only slightly under average for this subject.
I was going to get her privately assessed but I don't want to do this unless I need to. I don't want to go down the medication route as I don't think she is that affected.
I can't make up my mind whether to get her assessed and whether there would be any benefits to this! Any thoughts; Lovely Mumsnetters?

I'm 42 and waiting for an assessment for ADHD as an adult. It wasn't really known about when I was younger but I think it would have helped me to understand and process some of the challenges I've had.

I think it would’ve helped me. I’ve gone through life thinking I’m feckless and lazy because I can’t concentrate on the things other people can, when really my strengths lie elsewhere. Now I know, my life is so much better and people compliment me on my energy because I’m doing the things that make me tick.

I’m in the process of getting my DD tested. She has signs of it but it isn’t badly affecting her currently.
I do want it acknowledged though, even though she almost certainly won’t need medicating, because secondary is a whole different ball game to Primary, and because there are things the school can do to support them, particularly around exams.
it may never really be an issue but waiting lists are now so long that I’d rather get the ball rolling now.

An understanding of why she finds things tricky and reacts differently to others. The knowledge that she's not lazy, flighty, not putting in enough effort.
Yes you're absolutely right to deny her that self-knowledge and inner strength.

Do you have any reason for NOT having her assessed?

so just because you learned to cope through what was probably years of confusion she has to aswell because you don't want her taking medication that could actually help her

I’ve only ever met one family in my whole career working with children with specific learning differences that regretted a diagnosis. I believe in that case it was a misdiagnosis anyway. Everyone else is happy to have a ‘label’ and the self understanding and acceptance that comes with it.

Knowledge is power - wouldn’t you rather know exactly what she’s having to deal with so you can decide what adjustments, if any, would make her life easier?

I’ve never meet a teenager diagnosed and medicated for ADHD who wasn’t happier for it, easily for them to learn, function in life and maintain relationships. I’m not sure why you would want her to have to go down a more difficult path.

you want to deny her the chance to revive understanding of her behaviour ? Help with managing her difficulties and possibly medication ?
would you feel the same if she was diabetic ?

it’s a shame you get to make those choices that are not beneficial for her .

it’s awful to make her wait until adulthood to try and figure this all out for herself . I expect she would resent you if she found out later that you stopped her getting this help .

My daughter was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD back in October. She'd done poorly in exams and was absolutely distraught as she'd studied hard, but said she felt like she couldn't take anything in. On questioning her, my husband suspected she had ADHD so we had her assessed privately, and the diagnosis was made. She's year 11 so we needed a rapid assessment due to GCSEs coming up.

My daughter was diagnosed and given treatment options. She chose medication which has been titrated up until she recently found the correct dose for her. The difference in her is immense, she can focus on her studies now. Recent exam results have seen her grades skyrocket and her confidence has soared.

The day I told her that we'd received a formal diagnosis of ADHDi, she cried. She said it was a relief and she wished she'd been diagnosed years ago as it would have made such a difference her life.

Can I ask how you go about getting a diagnoses if I suspect inattentive Adhd?

I wish so much I had been assessed as a child - it would have saved me a lot of anxiety and shame over the years.

It's a diagnosis - it's for her self understanding not as some sort of route to medication.

I still think you should. At least get it noted with GP. You might have to push hard to get referrals etc.

Inattentive needs help and support.

Plus she's already struggling with maths. So with or without a diagnosis, which they don't actually need to put support in place, because it's supposed to be based on need, so what are they actually doing about supporting her right now?

I'd arrange upon appointment with the Senco, email practically everything that you've put in this thread and ask her how best to move forward .

Are you sure she doesn't have slow processing as well because tests can be done for this and if she does, she may very well need extra support, extra time in GCSEs.

All of this needs to be sorted as soon as possible, it takes time to arrange. so they can monitor it and can be shown so they have all the evidence. you don't wanna get a GCSE stage and for them to turn around and suddenly say oh we need evidence of this over the last two years that she was struggling. and you kick yourself and wish you done something about it earlier .

Ask Gp for an nhs referral.
Plus speak to primary Senco. She'll have tonnes of evidence already to fill out forms. Has an educational psychologist been asked to see dd, in school? Bet not! Ask for all this, in an email, so there's a paper trail, now.

I think you are underestimating how much harder secondary is going to be than primary. At primary they are in the same classroom with the same teacher and very little to remember. At secondary she'll be changing rooms, might have a two week timetable, multiple teachers and even multiple teachers for one lesson. She'll have to make sure she has the right books and equipment. Homework to remember. And consequences if any of this isn't done.

The work will be harder. There'll be more people. You may find if she does have inattentive ADHD that she struggles more and more. If she doesn't know why she's struggling what is she going to do, blame herself for not being good enough? Assume she must be stupid?

I know so many middle aged women who have spent a lifetime thinking they just weren't trying hard enough and now know it was ADHD all along. There's no way I would want my child to go through that. I don't understand the reluctance to label a child when the alternative is they just label themselves as something awful.

She is not you, be responsible and get her assessed, lots of us had parents that new something was off or ignored symptoms and we were left to get on with it without knowing all the things we hated about ourselves were not our fault, it has caused irreparable damage to lots of us, don't let your daughter be one of us.

There's no reason not to. A lot of posters are on here are annoyed their own parents didn't look into it earlier.

My children are now late teens, I know a number of children who were diagnosed in sixth from and after, as the differences become much more apparent as the work gets harder, every single parent regrets not starting the process earlier,
Give her a fair chance of finding out what works for her, if you've managed without medication by having strategies so might she but at least give her the chance to find out

Do it OP, my DH has just paid about £1000 for a private assessment age 40. It's unlikely your DD will live her entire life without wanting an answer for sure.

I was diagnosed with inattentive adhd when i was 17 because a college tutor pushed for it but am not medicated because it didnt work for me and tbh i hated every second of being made to feel different. The main difference between myself and my peers who were diagnosed in childhood is that i didnt have to go through the shock of entering into the adult world when your behaviour has been excused all the time. Im aware of the areas i struggle in but ive developed ways of managing myself. In the adult world no one cares what diagnosis you have, no one makes excuses for you, you have to get on with it. Harsh but true

I would come from a place of believing information is power. Knowing this about herself may relieve an unspoken unrealistic view of her processing. We all have that voice inside saying we aren't as xyz as our peers, surely having the assessment would empower her to engage different learning styles etc

You are doing your daughter a disservice not getting her assessed. Isn't it better for her to understand why she might struggle, rather than think she's just stupid or incapable? If she does get a diagnosis, that won't automatically lead to medication, although again I think you would be doing her a disservice not to consider it. Medication can make a huge difference to some people with these struggles.

If I know or recognise a student has ADHD, there's just so much more I can do to help them. Even very small things like having them record homework by due date not set date.

Why would you force your child to miss out on the help and strategies that could make a difference to them? Everyone develops strategies for themselves, but why force them to feel like everything is hard for them because they aren't good enough, or to think of every strategy for themselves? What's the advantage of that?

Get her assessed. No one can force you to medicate her. However, with knowledge comes power and I think you would be putting her at a huge disadvantage to not be able to explore all options and support that could be put in place if you refuse to do so.

Find out first then make a decision as to how you will support her should she need it. Understanding herself may be enough, who knows?