To not get my inattentive child formally assessed.

[Cozytoesandtoast00]

Hi all,
I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD a few years ago.
The diagnosis explained a few things but to be honest as I was not able to take medication for health reasons, I just adjusted my life accordingly and feel happy where I am with things.
My 11 year old daughter is about to start secondary school this year and is showing a few traits. She is average at school in most subjects apart from maths which she finds more difficult but is only slightly under average for this subject.
I was going to get her privately assessed but I don't want to do this unless I need to. I don't want to go down the medication route as I don't think she is that affected.
I can't make up my mind whether to get her assessed and whether there would be any benefits to this! Any thoughts; Lovely Mumsnetters?

I’d get her formally assessed. Children with a formal diagnosis are more likely to receive support in school should they need it. They are also much more likely to be award extra time in GCSE exams, which will benefit her.

It isn’t really true though is it? There are reasonable adjustments that can be made at work and uni, understanding yourself helps socially and emotionally. That’s my experience anyway.

Imo it’s more her decision than yours whether to try medication if diagnosed. More so as she gets older. With a proper diagnosis she will at least have the option even if you don’t allow her to try it now, which imo is wrong.

@Mummy0b

The main difference between myself and my peers who were diagnosed in childhood is that i didnt have to go through the shock of entering into the adult world when your behaviour has been excused all the time.

I was diagnosed at 31 and I entered adulthood feeling like an utter failure. I thought all of the things I struggled with were moral failings on my part and I couldn't understand why everything seemed to be so much harder for me than everyone around me. The shame was immense.

You seem to view reasonable accommodations (plus a bit of grace and understanding) as "excusing [bad] behaviour", which is a baffling attitude to me. I would give anything to have been diagnosed before secondary school - maybe then I wouldn't have completely burned out of school and spent half my life playing catch-up with my peers.

Pay for private assessment not NHS. It won't become an official part of her medical records until she decides.

Thank you for all if your responses (even the harsh ones!)
I didn't want her to be labelled and so therefore feel that she is less able than others, which was causing me to doubt getting an assessment.
I can see from this thread that that is a daft reason to not get her assessed!
I've booked her in for a private assesment in June and they've said they will get the reports ready for secondary school, which is great.

I think it's the opposite! If she's struggling she will already feel less able than her peers. If she has a "label" (horrible phrase) it will help to explain why she has the struggles that she does, so she will feel better about herself.

Thank you for this.
I'll contact the school and book in with Senco.
She does have some slower processing and so we got her a tutor for maths. To be honest she is finding that stressful so I stop those sessions.

I see your point.
I suppose I found it very difficult at school when I was given extra support for things. I felt "stupid" and was bullied for this. I found this quite traumatic.
I went on to get a degree without help and I think this has tarnished my view somewhat.
This was the 90's however!

I wouldn't cancel private tutor lessons. She needs it.

Still contact Gp and ask for referral on nhs, because private diagnosis will still need to be register on the nhs database.

You are going to have to be more proactive. Chase and follow up all: GP, private diagnosis, primary Senco, secondary Senco.

Thank you. You're right.
I struggle with organisation myself but this thread has given me the kick I need!

She may get extra time in exams with a proper diagnosis. Especially important for GCSEs and A levels.

Students can access extra support at university as well, but they must provide documented evidence.

Why would you deny your daughter this?

I think attitudes have changed a lot since then. One of my children is extremely able - smart, a good test taker, etc., and one of them has some learning difficulties including ADHD. From my experience, their peers are all very accepting of everyone's differences and understanding when some students need extra support. My neurotypical child has friends with ASD and/or ADHD and just sees it as part of who they are, not something that makes them less.

I feel like it's kind of the same as how youngsters are much more accepting of their LBTQ peers than they were 30 years ago, when those who dared admit their sexuality would get bullied.

That's good to hear.

I hope the assessment brings both peace of mind for you, whatever the outcome, and support if it is required.

Thank you so much.

Rather the right label than a series of wrong ones ‘just try a bit harder’ (you’re lazy), ooooh
you're scatty etc etc. there are all kinds of aids, adjustments and supports. And I agree the world is changing, most people don’t scoff at diagnoses.

A friend posted a meme the the other day about labels, it was along the lines of before assessment, she still had labels, "lazy" "weird" etc, now her labels are "ADHD" and "autistic". I know which sounds better!

You don't have to medicate her. But it might help to get a diagnosis so the school can make reasonable adjustments. I know someone whose child is not medicated but now the school/teachers are aware. She isn't told off in class for visibly not paying attention, for example.

It will make her life so much easier if she has a diagnosis. Secondary school lends itself to disorganisation!

I wish id been diagnosed at school instead of at the age of 42. My whole life i told myself i was lazy, disorganised, bad at things that other people found easy. It would have made so much difference to have adjustments like extra time in exams, more understanding of why i couldn't seem to retain information, why i was so bloody anxious. I would get her assessed because forewarned is forearmed - if problems arise later on and she needs help, it will be very helpful for you to have the diagnosis.

I'm so so happy for your daughter. Well done for supporting her. I certainly recognise the feelings of working as hard as she can yet still not achieving.

If studying hard could overcome adhd id have got all A*. I couldn't have tried any harder.

Dyscalculia can go hand in hand with ADHD. I have both and i struggle terribly with maths.

When I found out I had ADHD, I was SO relieved. All my life I have been on the
outside, considered odd and weird. Now I am much kinder to myself, I am not weird, or odd, I am just different. Thank goodness for labels! And then there are so many positive things aboutADHD.
Medication will transform her life, and things like extra maths tutoring will be much easier for her.

Both my DC have dyslexia, one is dysgraphic, both have slower processing speed. Extra time and other adjustments like a laptop etc have really helped. DS1 is now at Uni doing well and DS2 is getting on well at school.
Having a label for why some things were challenging helped them. They weren’t stupid they were dyslexic.

I am glad you’ve decided to get your DD assessed. Remember, it’s about giving them a fair chance to reach their potential.

My oldest adhder went from lower middle of the class to near top of the class in 6 months once they started adhd medication. They need to be so much more organised for high school

So glad you are going ahead. You won't regret it.
Only thing to find out now is if school/your LA will accept the findings of independent experts. Some don't. And consider getting the ball rolling on an EHCP.