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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take a job 30 mins drive away for double the pay!

69 replies

DaffyDuckie · 13/03/2023 19:54

2nd interview tomorrow.

I only went back to work last year after many years as a SAHM and took a part time entry level role. New job is at a similar but higher level than I had 15 years ago but never got anywhere near that salary.

Problem is I have a 12 year old DC quite newly diagnosed with a serious health condition where there COULD be emergencies, and also a young adult DC with ASD and learning disability. Both are relatively self sufficient but obviously vulnerable and there’s always the what if.

12 year old will have to walk home from school 40 mins away and I’d be 30 mins away if anything happened (hypoglycaemia).

I really, really want the job. 51 now and I didn’t think I’d have a chance of achieving that salary at my age after so many years out of the workplace.

Current role is low pay but completely remote so I’m at home or 5 mins drive from DC4 school if needed. New role would be completely office based, non negotiable.

No family locally or anyone to help in an emergency.

WWYD?

OP posts:
CC4712 · 13/03/2023 20:28

With the additional money of the new job, couldn't you pay for after school care for the 12yr old? I don't know what would be available at that age (I can't have children), but baby sitter, child minder, nanny?

Feliciacat · 13/03/2023 20:32

Mate, my commute is between 40 and 60 minutes and I’m on minimum wage. Take the job. I do appreciate that your concern regarding the commute is about being there for your children but maybe have a few trusted emergency contacts for your children and then you’ve nothing to fear.

Original poster
DaffyDuckie · 13/03/2023 20:45

ProseccoOnIce · 13/03/2023 20:16

Eek @DaffyDuckie - that needs to stop! Otherwise it's pointless- often I say to switch the high alarms off & not the low if that's any help.

Meant he has his phone silent at school as embarrassed about alarms going off (have told him again and again not to be but he’s at a really awkward, self conscious stage) and ‘forgets’ to turn sound back on after school so doesn’t answer texts or calls that I send telling him he’s going low so treat it to prevent it. Or have a protein bar before he starts walking which I tell him to do again and again GRRR!

He always has dextrose, OJ and snacks in his bag but is mucking about with mates and leaves it too late sometimes and drops quickly.

So I don’t trust him and would really be on edge and panicky if I was far away. We’re only 6 months in and I’m hoping it’ll click soon but not there yet!

We could really do with the extra money this job provides too as he’s not eligible for a pump so I want to self fund the Omnipod 5 (closed loop) when it comes out in June and I can get training for it. That’s going to be around £400 a month!

Just don’t know what to do as I’ve got a good chance of being offered this job. They called me for 1st interview literally within hours of getting my CV and it’s been really positive so far.

OP posts:
bibbybox · 13/03/2023 20:48

30mins is a short commute!

PhillySub · 13/03/2023 20:52

I wouldn't have thought that working 30 minutes away from the school was a huge issue. I would take it.

gogohmm · 13/03/2023 20:58

30 mins is pretty close, most people commute further. Do it for you and work out some back ups including a trusted local cab company

PetitPorpoise · 13/03/2023 21:07

Yea, thirty minutes is a pretty normal commute.

Maybe knowing that you can't just be there quick as a flash will be a bit of a wake up call for your son to up his game and take care of himself a bit better. Talk him seriously through what would have happened on that day if you had not been able to drive and collect him instantly.

ProseccoOnIce · 13/03/2023 21:11

That's a shame about pump eligibility @DaffyDuckie - whereabouts are you in the country?

I can totally understand the worry about T1 & hopefully the pump will alleviate some of that.

There's also a diabetes section on here & you might be able to get some advice from there.

TheSmallAssassin · 13/03/2023 21:13

Get him to put his phone onto a schedule for being silent, rather than having to remember to turn it back on @DaffyDuckie

Butterfly44 · 13/03/2023 21:19

Congratulations! Take the job!

30 min is fine. My work is 20 min drive away, it's all doable.

So son needs to start managing. If he wants independence he needs to show you he can take care of himself. Can you get him a watch so he can see levels discreetly, vibrate? It will serve him well in life to start engaging,
and maybe meet other T1s - it all helps.

You certainly shouldn't have to pay for pump - how pro are your clinic? If not so much move teams! Have you claimed DLA also.

Back up supplies at school. Last week mine had no back up pen and needed it so I had to leave to get it from home. Can he bus back home rather than walk? Always have hypo supplies and have people around him know.

Time passes so fast. He'll be a teen before you know it. I barely see my teens!!! Don't miss out on your dream job!

RandomMess · 13/03/2023 21:29

I'd consider telling your youngest that if he doesn't deal with his diabetes better (using the alarms etc) then he'll have to move schools.

Bit of carrot and stick so he takes responsibility for himself.

journeyofsanity · 13/03/2023 21:39

Take the job. Use the money to pay for care. Throw money at it in the short term. DC4 will mature soon enough and then you'll be able to stop spending in the childcare. This opportunity is too good to miss

cocksstrideintheevening · 13/03/2023 21:54

30 minutes is a relatively short commute.

Have you worked out what your take home difference will be, will you lose child benefit, go into higher rate tax? Will you be paying for parking / do you pay to commute at the moment at all?

40 minutes is a long walk to school, is there no bus?!

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 13/03/2023 21:56

Take the job and work on strategies for DS. He needs to become more independent and will want to be soon.

There are lots of things you can do like the schedule for phones, or getting him picked up from school, and you only have to make it work until he gets a pump. Even if he got a taxi home for six months or you paid for some "child care"

Hankunamatata · 13/03/2023 21:58

dc have apple watch alarms buzz on watch and don't make a noise - different meds issue to your though.

Hankunamatata · 13/03/2023 22:00

School wise perhaps push for echp if he doesnt have one

Hankunamatata · 13/03/2023 22:01

ehcp

ohisay · 13/03/2023 22:03

A smart watch will help with the alarms- research watch/phone/dexcom compatibility but my boy has a Huawei watch so no more missed blood sugar alerts or excuses for not answering the phone!
We also set a high low alarm for activity, I think the highest for a low is 5.6 so there's plenty of time to put a stop to the drop.
I hope you find a way to make it work so that you can take the job if that's what you would like- diabetes takes so much, you still matter x

steff13 · 13/03/2023 22:11

I think you take the job and your family does what they need to do to make it work. You seem to have four children, could one of the older ones walk to meet him at school? Could a neighbor or a friend's parent?

I have an android phone, so it may not be the same as an iphone, but I can program my phone to go to Do Not Disturb during specific hours and days. So could you have it on DND during the school day, but have it go back to normal at the end of school so he doesn't have to remember?

You could also set an alarm to remind him to have a snack or something before he leaves for home.

TomeTome · 13/03/2023 22:20

A watch on vibrate is much more sensible. We used Fitbit for a different med.

Could you just pay someone to give him a lift home or ask for school transport?

cutegorilla · 13/03/2023 22:24

Mum of a teen with T1 here.

It's probably worth talking to your DSN about a plan for him to walk home. 40 minutes is quite a long walk and will bring his levels down. I would want a minimum of 7 or 8 on the Dexcom or have a 15g slow carb snack and the alarms must be turned on. Is he by himself or walking with a friend?

If he were managing himself reliably, it would be less of a worry, but as you have already had to launch rescue missions, it is more of a concern. Try not to get grumpy with him about it though, it is a heavy load for them to carry. Pushing too much responsibility on a youngster can lead to burnout with managing it.

Even if he is doing everything right there will be times when his needs change and he keeps getting hypos (or going high) before you get it all straightened out again. He needs his alarms (that goes for in school as well as walking home) and you need an emergency backup if you can't get to him when he is alone. School should be responsible while he's there, it's walking home that is the tricky bit.

Keep pushing for a pump, we're 18 months in and just on the way to getting one now.

If you are on FB and haven't already found it there is a group called "Parents of Children With Type 1 Diabetes In The UK" where people will help you.

Obbydoo · 13/03/2023 22:26

Shouldn't you have thought about this before you took up the time of the employers? It never ceases to amaze me how thoughtless people are when they apply for jobs. It costs time and money to recruit. Please make sure you make a decision before the second interview so you can be sure you're not wasting their time.

Justmeandthedog1 · 13/03/2023 22:34

Is there anyone who could take him home rather than he do the walk? Once in Year 7 mine were dropped home by another mum who picked her own children up ( they’d been through primary together) I paid her petrol money. You can then phone , using landline if his phones still on silent, to remind him to eat etc..

Pinkballoon5 · 13/03/2023 22:40

I did it at 90 m commute as a single mum. Got to plan well

WinterMusings · 13/03/2023 22:45

Obbydoo · 13/03/2023 22:26

Shouldn't you have thought about this before you took up the time of the employers? It never ceases to amaze me how thoughtless people are when they apply for jobs. It costs time and money to recruit. Please make sure you make a decision before the second interview so you can be sure you're not wasting their time.

@Obbydoo

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

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