To ask about your worst exes?

[AwfulExBoyfriend]

NC so as not to be linked to other posts and because this is outing!

I was driving home earlier and there was a Lexus in front of me that made me randomly think about one of my kind-of-ex-DPs.

I was 19, we worked together (him in a more senior role that I was hoping to work up to) and we'd go out on the occasional business trip together. I didn't realise at the time, but he seemed to be having some kind of "approaching 30 crisis" and spent loads of time talking about his DP and how he wasn't sure she was "the one". They eventually split up and we had a bit of a thing, which is bad enough given the work situation, but prior to them splitting up he'd say some really awful things about her, like "I'm just not sure she's the one. I mean, do I really want to settle for a 7/10?" What was I thinking?! 😱

We had a few dates, talked about going on a short break together (but never did) but we were never "officially together". After a while I realised I was just filler to him, someone to pass the time while he looked for the actual "one" 🙄 I called it quits and met someone else, who is now my DH of nearly 11 years and we have a DD.

I remember he phoned me one night while I was in the car with DH and was very put out when I declined to meet up with him that week and told him I wouldn't be meeting him again. Later, I found out he'd been shagging at least two other women in the office and had told each of us similar-but- slightly- different versions of events!🤦‍♀️ he had quite a serious impact on one of the women's lives in relation to work and her home life - I won't say what as it isn't my place to. All in all, he was a bit of a scum bag!

Anyhoo, AIBU to ask for your stories of your rat bag exes? I know there will be many awful stories and I don't intend to trivialise them with this thread, I guess I'm just interested to know what shit people have put up with in the past that they no longer would.

Oh and Alex, if you ever happen to see this, I hope you've grown up and treat your DW better than you treated all of us 15 odd years ago!

YANBU - probably TMI for my response, but really can't believe I almost got engaged to this person.

Dated a fellow on the rebound who also happened to be one of my roommates at the time (if you need a hint: BIG MISTAKE). Luckily the relationship was short-lived but longer than any reasonable person might put up with, 9mo.

He love bombed from the start with promises of how I was his "dream girl" and how I "made him want to become a better person." Things were nice for maybe a month. He was constantly bouncing back to his ex while simultaneously entertaining another female from the same friend group, going as far as publicly acting like we weren't together at parties or when we went out as one big group.

No idea how I tolerated it for as long as I did, since he and I lived together pretty much the entire time. He was just a horrible person all around, a disgusting drunk, and made me out to be the problem.

The breaking point finally came during a holiday when we were all out together as a big group and I discovered that we'd be sharing our literal hotel bed with OW (not the ex). Three deep. I was already livid but he proceeded to get blackout the first night at the very first bar we went to, so I walked him back to the hotel while he berated me (I got the 'you're terrible in bed' insult) and tried to throw himself into oncoming traffic.

That night I texted a nice guy from one of my university classes who I knew had an interest in me and he arrived promptly the next morning to pick me up. Threw caution to the wind, 'got under' the nice guy, and immediately got over the asshole😂Spoiler alert: I was not the problem in bed.

He knocked up his ex GF and contracted an STD long after I left him, so I guess karma pays out tenfold.

Yikes @PondLurking! How did you nearly get engaged?

All my ex’s have been utter cunts but the worst was one who lived 36 miles from me
he was from a ‘rough’ town and from that’s thought of as ‘posh’ (I’m not-I was just born and bred there,as was he in his)
he love bombed me for about four months and that’s when it started
i was cheating on him (I never did),he drank a full bottle of vodka a night,which didn’t agree with him and he turned violent
every bloody thing I did that he didn’t agree with,he’d start yelling at me that I was shagging around everytime he went home and wasn’t around
to my shame,this carried on for two years-he would smash stuff or tear my clothes to bits,then smack me about
i finished it-I’d had enough-nobody was going to help-the police would come round,get him and dump him at the bus stop round the corner
hed wait for them to go and come back to mine to start again
I took months of him t3

Spent two years with a guy who was a knob. My self esteem would not let me leave and seek better.

He was shorter than me (came up to my chin), so had mad little guy syndrome.. like little dogs do. You let them get away with shit because they are small.

He was convinced he was God's gift. If we went to a pub/club, and I went to the loo... every time I came back, I was told how the second I left, women circled him. Me coming back scared them off. Twat.

He was 21 when I met him... he would tell everyone he used to be in the SAS.. he even had actual SAS tattoos. I just hope no one in the actual military crossed paths with him, let alone someone in the SAS. He was never in any sort of army, even cadets lol. Just had an army worship thing going on.

He had a work xmas do... asked me to get dressed up and go with him. I went to his house all dolled up.... he said he was going without me... because his female co-workers would be "trying to flirt" with him all night and he did not want me to cause a scene. Left me playing card games with his parents, whilst he partied it up.

This was about 20 years ago now. I looked him up on FB. Little hair (thin but long and greasy!), no teeth, still a short little knob head who thinks he is all that.

Sorry,bloody tablet
I took months of him telling me he was going to kill me,when he finally gave up
turns out he was not only a pisshead,he was a druggie (it was ok as he only smoked the hard stuff) and had been shagging about behind my back!
everything he claimed I’d done,he was doing it!
I met my dp and we moved away,but I’m told he has been back to my old house to ‘get me’

police couldn’t be less bothered (they saw him belt me and did nothing) and his mum told me it was my own fault for ‘winding him up’

I dated a guy nearly double my age when I was 18. He used to take me to school (A levels) and meet me after, I basically had to spend every minute of the day I wasn't in school with him. He was controlling and insecure. Coerced me into sexual things. Lied (in great detail) about torturing people when he was in the army and pretended to have schizophrenia (including faking symptoms). Kept a deactivated firearm in his bedroom and said he could get it working again. Told me he was going to kill himself when I broke up with him, told me he had tried to hang himself at work (I now realise this was more manipulation). Verbal abuse, threats, dragged me across the room by my arm giving carpet burns. I left that relationship and walked into...

...another relationship with a man nearly double my age. He was caring but his insecurity led to him checking my phone and online activity, calling constantly, not wanting me to see male friends, accusing me of cheating etc. Our arguments were horrific. We were not good for each other. When I ended the relationship he stalked me, got into my building when I wouldn't speak to him, threatened to expose personal information, kill me etc.

Thankfully the next relationship was a lot more healthy and I'm happy to be single now!

As I suspected, there are stories a lot worse than mine on this thread already. Although I guess our young ages are a common factor.

I'm sorry you all went through that and thank god we aren't in those relationships anymore.

I was a victim of grooming and sexual abuse as a child - although I didn't realise it at the time. I do wonder if that's impacted on some of my questionable relationship decisions.

@AwfulExBoyfriend I'm fairly sure growing up with domestic abuse, then sexual assaults in my teens played a big part in me normalising the experiences. I'm glad you got out of the shitty relationships and hope you've been able to heal from your early experiences

Thanks @ChopSuey2. It's weird because I had a great home life but I think my early experiences shaped me more than I thought they did. He was much older than me, I was 14. I thought it was cool and fine. Now I very much do not think it was cool, or fine.

@GemmaSparkles absolutely NOT. MNHQ can confirm I am a long time poster.

Sorry for all these experiences. I've also had abuse and lots of being used/stringing along etc but I'll give you one to lighten the mood:

He had a thing about stroking my face - apparently his grandparents had done it to him so obvs it's a move to use on your girlfriend (!). It was sweet at first but it got old really quickly - watching TV was interrupted by his fucking sausage fingers crossing my vision every other second. I only saw 50% of Line of Duty. He also farted when he came...which I get that he couldn't help but we weren't allowed to talk or laugh about it, just lie there in his gasses while he stroked my face.

I finished it by text, couldn't risk being pawed goodbye.

I had one that I still cringe about alot. I was 16 id gone out with friends drinking as you do, got plastered and gave my number to him probably in the really cliche hand thing too. No mobiles back then really either so land line.

He was far too full on. I cant believe my mum would actually even hand over the phone given he was in his 20s and in the raf and I was 16.

At first it was fun because who wouldn't enjoy being able to go to pubs and no one question serving you both. But being called every night was too much. I remember he was driving us some where and he pulled over in a maybe just to stick his tongue down my throat. I mean cant u keep your hands to hoarsely fir few mins I hated being mauled about so much. Not in the same league as some of these I guess as he wasn't abusive or violent or anything but I still shudder if I think about him.

Eventually I got my mum to dump him for me. Relief doesn't cover it.

Hands to yourself

Sorry fir typo

My ex story will be in no way as traumatic as many others I should imagine, but still makes me think wtf sometimes

He was for lack of a better phrase, just so ignorant. Being uneducated about something when you're young is totally fine, but it was the insistence that he knew best when he absolutely didn't that drove me up the wall. And then refusing to admit he was wrong, when proved wrong, rather than trying to learn something new and educate himself. Stellar examples that I can recall include:

• Ruining an entire meal because he used too many very hot chillis, even after I pointed out "those chillis aren't jalapeños, they are actually REALLY REALLY HOT "
• Believing circumcision was when you cut the entire head off a man's penis, and proceeding to argue with me that I was wrong and he wasn't circumcised because he still had the end of his penis. Reader: He was circumcised

• Believing that normal vaginal discharge was a sign of infection, and getting extremely upset with me that I told him it was normal, and no I wouldn't be going to the GP about it tyvm

Oh btw he was/is a nurse at the time I met him too. I hope he's grown out of his "I am right all the time" mentality and now takes constructive feedback when proven wrong about something, because that sounds like a fucking dire attitude for a nurse to have

Long story short, he was abusive - cheated on me when I was pregnant and when we broke up he continued to make threats to set me on fire and get me beaten up when I was still pregnant. Then told everyone he was a victim and i got hate from everyone whilst still going through his abuse :)

@StayGoldenPonyGirl I just nearly choked on my coffee... laying in his gasses! 🤣🤢

@Whatwouldscullydo that's weird, the guy I mentioned would also do the random pulling over and forcing his tongue down my throat thing. I think it's some sort of control thing.

@Wafflington that's very concerning that a nurse does not understand basic human anatomy. Are you sure he wasn't having you on?!

@glossypeach I'm sorry, that's awful. I hope you and DC are well shot of him now.

That's weird, the guy I mentioned would also do the random pulling over and forcing his tongue down my throat thing. I think it's some sort of control thing

Felt like some kind of possession thing to me. Once you got past wondering what a 26 year old would want with a 16 year old , it felt like he was almost fulfilling some kind of idea if what you are supposed to do with a girl friend. ( call them daily, kiss them loads etc) didn't feel like a natural thing. Or recognition of the situation. More an execution of an idea of that makes any sense ?

I was 16 when I met my ex. He told me he was 26.

I wasted three years of my life with this man, only got the courage to leave when I found out he was catfishing people and stalking his ex. I asked him what else he had been hiding (he was living in my flat at the time). Turns out he was 30 when we met, not 26. He'd lied about his age, stolen from me and isolated me from my family and friends, he was living with me rent-free, he never worked and acted like a manager rather than a boyfriend, intimacy was zero.

I don't think I'll ever get over how orchestrated the whole relationship felt. I had no idea who he was and how he could lie for so long.

Mine was a total Narcissistic gas lighting twat.
He worked overseas but came home every 12 weeks for 2-3 weeks.
Took me a few months to cotton on that he was clearly sleeping with anyone/everyone he could. I finally ended things and he went to live with my brother (his best friend from school) & ended up having an affair with his wife. I found out by accident as had hacked his email account and found all the evidence. He basically was telling her exactly what he told me when we first met…
My brother and his wife split as I confronted them and told them I would tell my brother if they didn’t come clean first. He moved in with my ex sister in law and 6 months later she caught him shagging a girl at their gym 🙄

I have one.

I got together with a colleague after my marriage breakdown. I was 31, he was 37.

We had the usual getting to know each other chats, I asked him if he'd been married, had kids etc. He told me he was divorced many years, no kids.

Six months later, we decide to go away for his birthday, and he sends me half the money. On my lunchbreak, I'm in the office and called travel agent to book it, we were a small office of five women and colleague asks to speak to travel agent after me. No probs.

I get to giving our details, then I have a brain fart, when she asked for full names and DOB, not being good at maths, and with his birthday coming up, I wasn't 100% sure of DP's year of birth, I said I'll call him to check, in the meantime colleague speaks to agent.

Call DP, ask for his DOB, he becomes flustered, asks why I need it. I say it has to match passport on booking, he starts stumbling on his words and I'm losing patience, I say just give me your DOB, my lunch break is over soon.

In a defeated voice, he gives his DOB, which reveals he was about to turn 40! My colleagues hear this exchange and find it hilarious, I'm mortified, I hang up, and on autopilot I speak to agent to finalise the booking.

That night, he comes round. Said he lied as he didn't think I'd go out with someone "so much older". I was really upset, I told him his age didn't matter, it's the lying that upset me.

Over the following years, I find out he lied about where he was born (born in Bedford, said it was London), said he grew up in Borehamwood, where my family live, he didn't. Never had. Said he had a Border Collie when he was young, (I had one at the time) and this turned out to be a lie, he'd never owned a dog.

He used to lie about everything and anything, what he had for breakfast, where he'd parked his car at work, things he'd done before he met me, what his score at golf was that day. Honestly, the most random of shit. But he nearly always got caught out, even without me doing anything to disprove him.

In the end, he lied about something big, I can't recall what it was, but it caused a row. I said I was sick of the lies and he had the chance to come clean if there were any big lies I still wasn't aware of. Provided it wasn't illegal or cheating on me, we could wipe the slate clean and move on from all the lies.

Turns out he had a 15 year old daughter who he never saw. This is after insisting he had no kids. Said ex-wife never allowed him to see her, but that he paid generous maintenance to ensure she was brought up not needing anything. And he kept away out of respect when ex-wife remarried.

I was understandably shocked, we'd been together for 3 years by this point. Naively, I suggested that with the passing of time, maybe his ex had thawed and might let him see his daughter again. So, he wrote her a letter saying how much he missed his daughter and hope she was well.

A couple of weeks later, I get a message request on FB, no idea how she found me, but it was the ex-wife and she was livid.

Turns out my DP had walked out on her and his baby, and without a pot to piss in. Made no effort in seeing his daughter, also paid nothing towards her upbringing and she had to go via CSA. Because he was a high earner, he was (rightly) paying a lot of maintenance. She had remarried, had another daughter, she and her husband brought both girls up. She was angry with this letter from the blue when her daughter was just about to start GCSEs.

She told me he was a compulsive liar, not to believe a single word from hos mouth and suggested I move on to someone I can trust.

When this came out, DP let his mask fall, he was bitter and angry that he paid so much of his salary to a "kid another bloke was bringing up", said he was subsidising ex's lifestyle and how he couldn't wait until daughter finished education so he was financially free.

We did eventually split up that year and to this day I have no idea why he lied so much. In hindsight, I should have dumped him when booking that holiday.

His family were nasty about me after the split, turns out he told lies about why we broke up, making me out to be the guilty party.

What an arse.

PS: Since got to know his ex-wife, when it turned out many years later that we had a mutual friend. She's absolutely lovely. Obviously.

@XenoBitch I am truly sorry for what you went through with this man. I, too, have had some terrible relationships so can genuinely sympathise. I've been having a really bad time recently but reading your post, particularly the last bit about his hair, teeth etc has made me laugh for the first time in ages! I hope you ended up with someone a lot better than him.

My daughters father, my ex is the biggest, most imaginable cunt I have ever had the misfortune of knowing. I would be quite happy if he died tomorrow. He was abusive beyond words, the worst was the mental and emotional cruelty and torture he subjected both my daughter and I to. We are currently going through Court proceedings and he sits and cries and plays the victim of domestic abuse. It's utterly vile and disgusting. I cannot believe this is my daughters Father.
I wish nothing but death on him.

I had the worst Cocklodger ever. I've never met a man so utterly selfish and untrustworthy. Should have realised when I found out he had a teenage daughter that was conceived on holiday when he was 18 that he barely had anything to do with.

So if you're in the SE of England, and meet a man with the initials AH who's in his 40's now, don't even bother - he's a total prick and will steal your money 😁