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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Benidorm???

49 replies

OnlyaHenDo · 13/03/2023 15:08

I was chatting to my partner at the weekend.

We have been together 2 years.

We were chatting about friends and weddings/stag/hen dos etc.

I mentioned that I was going to start planning my sisters but will probably make contact in with her friends around August / September time to discuss hen do. He asked why I need to meet friends 9 months before wedding to discuss. I said it would most likely be abroad and to give people time to plan / save if they want to come along.

He then asked where I would go, I reminded him that no discussions have taken place yet but I imagine itll be somewhere like Benidorm or Magaluf purely for a booze up and clubs!

He then got annoyed and said people only go to Benidorm for one thing only. I laughed as I have been to benidorm many times and havent slept with anyone!

He couldnt believe why I would want to go somewhere that is popular for people sleeping with each other. He said stag dos will no doubt chat us up. I said so what? If they do they will be told to jog on. He then told me that he trusts me but not others. I told him that he has to trust me. Saying you dont trust others is a cop out. Now he is in a mood and says I am disrepecting our relationship for even thinking about going somewhere like that....

Please enlighten me... does Benidorm have some sort of seedy reputation that I am unaware of?!????

OP posts:
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DoorstoManual · 13/03/2023 15:10

What a trusting prince of a man.

Get rid, he is projecting.

Relationships can be hard enough at times without a constant undercurrent of mistrust.

ghostyslovesheets · 13/03/2023 15:10

Well it's a bit full of stereotypical 'Brits abroad' behaviour and pubs - but my mum has just come back from a week there - didn't get shagged once - I mean she's 77 but still!

Lots of nice places near by to visit - interesting fact - I had my appendix removed there!

In short your partner is being a bit of a dick

Original poster
OnlyaHenDo · 13/03/2023 15:11

I mean, I have been too and yeah, typical brit holiday, lots of booze, clubs etc.

He was taken aback when I didnt know what he was on about!! He said I was to stop being naive but its Benidorm???

OP posts:
PizzaPastaWine · 13/03/2023 15:13

You'll get out of Benidorm whatever you want. It's a fantastic place for a hen weekend.

The problem is not Benidorm, it's your DP.

How else is he attempting to control you OP?

Fairyliz · 13/03/2023 15:16

Do you wear particularly high slippy shoes? Does he think you might accidentally fall and impale yourself on a mans penis?
If not you are just as likely to sleep with someone in the U.K. as Benidorm, so either he trusts you or he doesn’t.

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 13/03/2023 15:19

He's being weirdly unreasonable. You can just have a fun holiday in Benidorm. People don't just go there for one thing, it's not like it's Center Parcs.....

Mrsjayy · 13/03/2023 15:25

The problem isn't Benidorm is it ,? What are you going to do because your partner will only ramp it up as time goes on.

Weallgottachangesometime · 13/03/2023 15:29

Whether it has a reputation or not is beside the point isn’t it. You want to go there. I’d he trusts you and is a decent partner he’ll accept you going without trying to manipulate or guilt you. I’d be very unhappy with him acting that way because it’s massively unfair on you. He sounds insecure. Is this usual for him? Or unusual?

Bendidorm is known as a party type place. However loads of other places are known for that too. Also plenty of people go to Benidorm just sun and drinking.

JuneBridie · 13/03/2023 15:32

You say in your op you’ve been there “many times”, very odd that you would ask a forum if you already know exactly what it’s like.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 13/03/2023 15:35

I’d rather shit in my hands and clap for a week than go there. Benidorm isn’t the problem here though, is it. It’s your controlling boyfriend that obviously doesn’t trust you. Do you want a life like this?

Hoppinggreen · 13/03/2023 15:35

Benidorm is vile but you don’t need to go there to cheat on your boyfriend so he’s being ridiculous.
So what if you get chatted up? If he trusts you he knows you won’t shag anyone

notacooldad · 13/03/2023 15:36

I would see his attitude towards this as a huge red flag. You are right, it's a cop out lone when they say ' I tryst you, it's other people I don't trust' That sentence doesn't even make sense. Someone said that to me years ago. I told him to actually think about what he said then i dumped the clown

Bananalanacake · 13/03/2023 15:38

I would organise a trip to Benidorm and also a local hen do for those who won't be able to afford flights and hotels.
Don't let the DP move in with you, dump him if he gets anymore controlling,

ThreeblackCats · 13/03/2023 15:39

I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who clearly didn’t trust me nor trust my judgment. Nor could I be in a relationship with a controlling wanker who tried to make out I was being naive.

your partner sounds a dick, I’d bin him, but it’s up to you op.

Just remember, this is the thin end of the wedge. You’re only 2 years into this relationship, give him another 5 years and he’ll be telling you why he dislikes your best friend, sister, other friends etc.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 13/03/2023 15:54

Benidorm is a massive shitehole tbh. But it’s no more likely to end in one night stands than anywhere else there’s a load of pissed up brits 😂

SallyWD · 13/03/2023 15:57

I actually lived in Benidorm for a while in my 20s and worked in British bars. I may sound naive but I didn't know it had this reputation. Most of the tourists I saw were middle aged or elderly Brits. I knew places like Magaluf had a reputation for sex but I thought Benidorm was more of a resort for older people (and yes I'm sure some older people do have sex there!). I find his reaction a bit odd. Probably based on the antics of his mates when they go on lads holidays.

thesugarbumfairy · 13/03/2023 16:18

It doesn't matter whether Benidorm has a seedy reputation or not. That isn't the issue. Your partner is the issue. He is a controlling moron. Do NOT put up with this shit.

maddiemookins16mum · 13/03/2023 16:20

Just tell him you’re now going to Alicante instead.

Twizbe · 13/03/2023 16:25

This is not about Benidorm.

This is a red flag that could easily turn into red bunting.

PhukOph · 13/03/2023 16:31

But you do know that Benidorm isn't the problem right? 🚩

SherbertDabs · 13/03/2023 16:36

I think he'll have a problem wherever you decide to go ..

PrincessHoneysuckle · 13/03/2023 16:38

Benidorm is great! Lots of cheap food and booze.

JudgeRudy · 13/03/2023 16:48

This would be funny if it wasn't your life. Does he really think you're all going on a shag fest? I'm not sure how I'd take the fact that he trusts you, just not the others. Does he think you're easily influenced or will their fluttering fannies draw all the drooling stags in and before you know it.....

Maybe hed like you to consider somewhere less sexy like Melton Mowbray . I'm unsure if they're doing trips to Gilead this summer.

Leave him to sulk for a bit. Don't buy into his silly games

LibbyL92 · 13/03/2023 16:51

I’ve been to Benidorm both for a couples holiday and a hen.

it’s a great place for both. And it really annoys me when people slate a place when most of the time they’ve never been.

GoodChat · 13/03/2023 16:56

I never knew Benidorm was known for sex. I thought it was for lairy stags.

Weird that he raised an eyebrow at that but not Magaluf!