To have done better than my (useless) parents ?

[Reeca]

I'm currently pregnant with my second baby and my 5 year old is thrilled to be having a baby/brother or sister but last night asked the question 'how did the baby get into your tummy?' My own parents didn't explain the facts of life to me at all - their policy was hoping to God I'd pick it up somewhere else ! I was an only child so the subject didn't come up directly. So me and my partner had a talk with our DD about the facts of life last night and I think we emerged unscathed! At no point did we mention a stork !! 🤣

AIBU to think I did better than my own parents in at least explaining this matter of factly - my own parents I feel were too emotionally immature to handle emotive/difficult subjects. Or should I perhaps have indeed put more emphasis on the stork's role in all this ?

Either way - this convo has been had

Your child is 5 so they don’t need too much information or details. However, it’s good not to lie or bring storks into it.
Without knowing what you said it’s impossible to tell whether you did a good job or not though

I think a drip drip of this information is the best tactic. We never had a ‘big talk’. Just always explained things in an age appropriate way. My primary kids understand that after puberty they get sperm in their balls and that can make a baby in a woman’s stomach if she has the egg for the spent to fertilise. I’ve never really gone into sex although they understand the word.

No I didn't mention storks at all - not a good tactic - kids do take things literally at 5

That's a good explanation actually - and good approach

I think you've done a good job purely because you care that you've done a good job 😊
I'd like to know how you explained it as I expect my 4yo will ask soon (also pregnant) and my plan is to say when mummy and daddy have a cuddle sometimes it happens!?

The fact that you’re child felt comfortable enough to ask shows you’re doing well.

Oh god don’t say that lol. Go for the seed and egg approach.

Daddy has the seed and mummy has an egg and when the seed fertilises an egg it makes a baby! If they ask how the seed gets into mummy you say daddy puts it there!! If they asK how you change the subject 🤣

My approach is to not bring things up myself but to awnser questions as and when they come up. My son is 6 and asked about boys and girls having different genitalia at 3 so I explained proper names. At 6 he has recently asked how babies come out of a tummy and I told him that they come out the vagina. He hasn't asked how baby gets in there yet but when he does I will be honest, but until he asks I'm not saying anything.

Dh gives his dm a hug... Dc will be telling school dgm is up the duff by df!! Leaves you open to all sorts specialk!!

My policy was always just to answer the question asked in an age appropriate way. But not to add info not asked for. So eventually when they ask how does it get there it's pretty easy to be matter of fact about saying how.

Changing the subject just fobs them off. Children deserve to be given truthful age appropriate information when they ask for it.

My parents told me NOTHING. Not a single thing about my body or sex or anything. Having no idea what was happening to me was extremely traumatic.
I knew I would do things differently and I have. There was no need for a big 'talk' I answered each and every question asked without an ounce of embarrassment or awkwardness (no matter how I felt on the inside.lol), age appropriately and just enough info needed for that particular moment.
That's the approach that worked for me.
I don't need to know everything going on in their lives, with their bodies, etc but I do need them to know that they can come to me with any questions or worries. And they do.

if you link sex with cuddling that is going to be confusing and worrying for a child I would have thought?

Much easier surely to explain it biologically eg you need an egg and sperm. I'm pretty sure we didn't even mention mum and dad to start with just spoke in matter of fact way about the egg and sperm and the fertilising and implanting.

Then eventually they asked enough for the full details but that then gives opportunity to discuss consent, which is extremely important too IMO.

I did give my ten year old a book on puberty so he knows most things. He was discussing periods with the girls the other day 🤣.

i like to keep everything pretty factual but I haven’t gone into sex is fun and let’s talk about 74 genders and anal sex. I’m happy to go there at some point but not yet. I’m slightly worried some outside agency is going to beat me to it but ten just feels too young.

Yes I agree with you !

I think if they’re old enough to ask the question they’re old enough to have an answer that’s age appropriate. My two are 10 and 11 and they know no topic is off limits, if they ask I’ll tell them. It’s so important to keep lines of communication open and fudging the issue gives mixed messages.

Hopefully a child won't be too traumatised when weird uncle Nigel grabs them for a cuddle😁

@Fizzadora oh lord !!

Totally agree

Agree with your approach !

Good approach just to go with the technical aspects

Thank you

Mum date night seems to lead to a lot of cuddling 😊

I also went with the seed and egg approach. At some stage, I also said there’s something like a nest inside the mummy’s tummy, where the baby grows. The slow drip approach is best, getting more accurate as a child becomes more aware of language, concepts and the world.

@RudsyFarmer guessing you are a farmer? We're cattle farmers I'm guessing DS will get a good insight into how things work early on. His (also farmer) cousin gave a demo using toy animals at school as to how the calf gets into the cow aged 6 😂

The seed/ egg seems like a very good way to explain it. I was told nothing, not even what to expect with periods so I will also be taking a very different approach.

This reminds me of a lovely joke and a reminder to keep things age appropriate.

Little girl comes home from school and asks “mummy where do I come from?”

The mother realises it’s time for ‘The Talk’, so sits her daughter down and explains about the mummy’s egg and daddy’s seed and the special cuddle.

After, she says to her daughter “Does that answer you question?”

The little girl replies “the new girl at school says she comes from Margate, so I wondered where I come from”