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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS (16) saying he cycled 36mph speed on bike ride today is NOT ok?

101 replies

Feckthelotofthem · 11/03/2023 19:12

What do other cycling parents think? Am I in the wrong? Just had massive row with DH ( and DS) who thinks it's OK for a solo teenager doing a ride out on his road bike in a rural area to reach speed of 36 mph (wearing shorts). I love him going out on his bike, great healthy exercise etc. Good for his mental health too. I cycle myself. But I told him going so fast is dangerous, not enough time to react if pothole, gravel on road etc. Obviously being a know all teen he was having none of it. I expected DH to agree and be worried re DS safety too but he went against me, said it was fine as long as he's getting out on his bike. Just don't tell his mother next time he goes so fast! I'm furious for lots of reasons.

OP posts:
Whichnumbers · 12/03/2023 08:11

Tinybrother How will the person know what speed they are doing 🤷‍♀️ On a bike without a speedo?

MintJulia · 12/03/2023 08:16

Oakorn · 11/03/2023 19:19

Completely fine. I assume it was for a short stretch going downhill. I assume he was wearing a helmet?

This.

He's a young man with boundless energy. They take risks. That's normal. He's going to take risks no matter what you say.

Beating his top speed is one of my ds's highlights of cycling. Don't sour the joy of it for your ds.

And to be honest, if I can avoid a pothole at sixty (in a car), I'm sure your ds can avoid one at 36.

Tinybrother · 12/03/2023 08:22

Whichnumbers · 12/03/2023 08:11

Tinybrother How will the person know what speed they are doing 🤷‍♀️ On a bike without a speedo?

Oh gosh I don’t know. What a pickle for a cyclist. Do you think that if the conditions are such that a motorist has to go at 30mph (so maybe a village like mine, with a zebra crossing and shops and houses), maybe it would be a good idea for a cyclist to be aware enough of their speed from a safety for others POV, even if over 30mph a perfectly normal road bike speed. As I say, cyclists do find it tricky stopping at the zebra crossing where I live after getting up a really good speed going downhill. As do cars, but we’re talking about cycling here.

outdooryone · 12/03/2023 08:31

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
My son's both race mountain bikes, one internationally at times. They will often hit 30-40mph off road, often with a good few metres jump thrown in for good measure.

For a good rider, that speed is pretty normal. Heck, I can trigger the road speed camera sensor on my commute with panniers on. My bike Speedo shows a lifetime maximum speed of 52mph on one of the Scottish ski access roads

There's great evidence that teens are 'hardwired' to take risks. They can take positive risks such as riding a bike fast, or they can take less positive risks around drink, drugs, sex, and other behaviours. I wish more people would encourage teens to take positive risks - and learn to manage and judge risks for themselves.

Lovetoridemybicycle · 12/03/2023 08:33

Nimbostratus100 · 12/03/2023 08:04

Maybe in some forms but my experience is very different, and maybe velodrome is the wrong word. The track I have been on is outdoors, very pleasant and smooth, quite hilly, no traffic, and the bikes I have used have breaks and gears. It was a great place to cycle, and of course you can still have accidents, but much less likely, much less dangerous if you do, and first aid on site

Show quote history

Ah, I guess you are talking about outdoor circuits, in which case great idea. The ones I know are at Hillingdon and Lee valley. Velodrome are the banked ovals, where you use fixed wheel bikes. Either way if he is into cycling and wants to go fast, find a local club, learn good bike skills and bike maintenance and get opportunities to use facilities such as circuits, group rides and velodromes. You never know where it may lead

PietariKontio · 12/03/2023 08:44

I don't think you're unreasonable to be worried, cycling has an abundance of risks, not least of all how too many drivers behave. The thing is though that risks are exciting, they make life more interesting and fun, and can have a ton of positive effects on wellbeing.
Trying to curb your son's passion and excitement in life would be wrong though, I look back at my time bike racing and training as some of the happiest in my life, the cliche of 'feeling most alive' when doing something risky is really true, or at least was for me. There is a correlation between my poor mental health and my being more risk-averse (not saying causation, or that I'm clear re chicken and egg, if that makes sense!)
I too could share some of my top-speed moments, but ultimately it's not the point - he's going to find it really exciting, and you're going to find it scary.
It doesn't make you a bad parent cos you feel that or him a bad person for seeking that out, I do personally think it would be wrong to try to stop him though.

Just some points based on other PPs' posts:
36mph and above is totally possible on the flat, you don't need a hill, I was a below-average amateur and could do that (maybe not for very long ;) )
70mph given the right hill is totally possible, it wouldn't make you a professional.
The inevitable "was he wearing a helmet" comments, implying that it would be fine if he was, miss a load of points:

  • not illegal if he wasn't, and not necessarily unwise either
  • look at the research on high-speed impacts and the effectiveness of bike helmets, there's a reason motorcyclists wear better protection...
  • there's also a ton of evidence that because of how people ride when wearing a helmet, and how they're treated differently by other road users when wearing a helmet (based on an exaggerated idea of how much protection they offer) that the risk of an accident goes up, and while helmets offer 'some' protection to part of a head, there's an awful lot of unprotected parts of a cyclists body that can mean a life-changing injury can occur.
  • basically, I'm saying that helmets don't make 36mph totally fine when no helmet makes it unacceptable!
SweetSakura · 12/03/2023 08:45

outdooryone · 12/03/2023 08:31

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
My son's both race mountain bikes, one internationally at times. They will often hit 30-40mph off road, often with a good few metres jump thrown in for good measure.

For a good rider, that speed is pretty normal. Heck, I can trigger the road speed camera sensor on my commute with panniers on. My bike Speedo shows a lifetime maximum speed of 52mph on one of the Scottish ski access roads

There's great evidence that teens are 'hardwired' to take risks. They can take positive risks such as riding a bike fast, or they can take less positive risks around drink, drugs, sex, and other behaviours. I wish more people would encourage teens to take positive risks - and learn to manage and judge risks for themselves.

Exactly.
I make sure our teens have lots of chances to take part in risky sports because it's far better they get their adrenaline buzz and need for risk from that than from other less wholesome risks- drugs, risky car driving etc

Get them proper instruction so they know how to balance and assess risk. My brothers and I paid attention when our windsurfing instructor told us the rules for safety, because we wanted to be able to go out and get our adrenaline buzz in high winds.

RNLD1981 · 12/03/2023 08:46

As others have said, 36mph will have been a brief top speed and not a prolonged thing. A well maintained bike will feel very stable at that speed. As someone who is currently recovering from broken bones following a mountain bike accident, I'm sure that for me, the benefits of cycling massively outweigh the risks. I just wish I'd done more during my teenage and younger years

Theluggage15 · 12/03/2023 08:48

Good for him. Sounds great. I’d probably encourage him to wear longer trousers rather than shorts but don’t see the big deal about the speed.

Whichnumbers · 12/03/2023 10:19

British cycling have a search for clubs and there are great clubs for teens across the country. It might be that he just wants to ride a bike though and not get involved at club level. The advantage of a club is he will learn bike handling skills etc which can be very useful.

TheOrigRights · 13/03/2023 14:32

I just did some sleuthing on my son's strava. He did a long bike ride in the Peak District yesterday. Max speed 37.6 mph.
Average = 10! There was lots of snow.

teawouldbenice · 13/03/2023 16:44

Seeline · 11/03/2023 19:35

I assume that was within the speed limit?
Cyclists can be done for speeding too

Actually they can't.. Only motorised vehicles can be done for speeding. They can be done for cycling carelessly of dangerously though.

ToBeOrNotToBee · 13/03/2023 16:45

Good!

Now get him in the British Cycling Academy who will nature his talent and teach him how to handle bikes at that speed.

Ps. I reach 35mph on mine going downhill. Its not that scary when you know what you're doing.

whatadaythatwas · 13/03/2023 17:03

Are cycling leggings protective? As I can't believe so many people cycle at such spores without some protection on the legs, tarmac at speed de-gloves limbs and the OP's son was in shorts, only takes a pothole or loose gravel

outdooryone · 13/03/2023 22:25

whatadaythatwas · 13/03/2023 17:03

Are cycling leggings protective? As I can't believe so many people cycle at such spores without some protection on the legs, tarmac at speed de-gloves limbs and the OP's son was in shorts, only takes a pothole or loose gravel

The thing is for young people now, the bigger risk of harm and death is more sinister than falling off a bike.
Suicide.
Obesity.
Drunken and drug related injury.
Abuse.
Etc.
The benefits of physical and mental health and wellbeing of riding a bike far outweigh the risk of harm in a crash.

Sports like rugby, football and hockey are all statistically far more dangerous - yet we all encourage our kids to take part...

Hbh17 · 13/03/2023 22:28

He's 16..... you can't keep him wrapped up in cotton wool. Sounds perfectly normal for a keen cyclist, and crashes & injuries are just part of the gig. He needs to take risks and work out all out for himself.

Qazwsxefv · 13/03/2023 22:40

Broken bones can’t really be prevented by good kit but getting him some decent leggings may well prevent de gloving or skin lacerations if he comes off.

notimagain · 13/03/2023 23:08

Since the term "leggings" has come up a couple of times in posts can I ask if people mean long cycling pants/bib pants? (which are usually lycra) or are they thinking of something more robust??

ClareBlue · 13/03/2023 23:28

Feckthelotofthem · 11/03/2023 20:58

Another massive parenting fail on my part. Another in a very, very long line ...😔

Having an inherent concern about the safety of your child isn't a fail. Parents always have to make the call between encouraging their children to push themselves and take risks and our instinct to protect and see what could go wrong. It's a hard balance.

Namechangingagain111 · 13/03/2023 23:49

There's probably not a lot you can do to stop him cycling that fast - all you can do is make sure he's got appropriate safety gear (helmet etc.) plus ideally something so he can get help quickly if needed and if he is incapacitated e.g.:

  • some sort of emergency id for his wrist and bike (I've got a wristband and stickers from www.facebook.com/OneLifeiD)
  • a smartwatch with a fall alarm?
I'm planning to start cycling again this spring after a few years of inactivity so I'll be getting a smartwatch with a fall alarm just in case I have a fall and can't call for help myself
notimagain · 14/03/2023 07:27

@Feckthelotofthem

I know many will know this but the benefit of the OP maybe I could point out many of the bike computers/tracking systems have a live tracking facility ... we used to use that when our DC were out on long rides as teenagers.

outdooryone · 14/03/2023 16:38

Namechangingagain111 · 13/03/2023 23:49

There's probably not a lot you can do to stop him cycling that fast - all you can do is make sure he's got appropriate safety gear (helmet etc.) plus ideally something so he can get help quickly if needed and if he is incapacitated e.g.:

  • some sort of emergency id for his wrist and bike (I've got a wristband and stickers from www.facebook.com/OneLifeiD)
  • a smartwatch with a fall alarm?
I'm planning to start cycling again this spring after a few years of inactivity so I'll be getting a smartwatch with a fall alarm just in case I have a fall and can't call for help myself

A warning - I know a few folk who have them - a pothole or minor bump can set them off...

TonTonMacoute · 14/03/2023 16:47

He reached a top speed of 36 mph at a particular point of his ride! That's not the same thing as riding round at that speed.

We have quite a few very serious bike riders near us and they look so commanding on bikes. They are fast, give very clear signals and are quick and decisive in their actions on the road.
If he is a competent sensible bike handler he will be far safer than someone who is a dithering slow coach

Aurorabored · 14/03/2023 16:48

I’m a middle aged woman and riding fast downhill is so much fun! The only thing I’d say to your DS is that if he’s on country roads, be careful of blind bends and keep and be very aware of cars. Those roads are often National speed limit even when they’re not wide enough for two cars.

Aurorabored · 14/03/2023 16:51

^ What I mean is he needs to remember where the dangerous bits are on his favourite routes, so he’s slowing down before he gets to them.