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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS (16) saying he cycled 36mph speed on bike ride today is NOT ok?

101 replies

Feckthelotofthem · 11/03/2023 19:12

What do other cycling parents think? Am I in the wrong? Just had massive row with DH ( and DS) who thinks it's OK for a solo teenager doing a ride out on his road bike in a rural area to reach speed of 36 mph (wearing shorts). I love him going out on his bike, great healthy exercise etc. Good for his mental health too. I cycle myself. But I told him going so fast is dangerous, not enough time to react if pothole, gravel on road etc. Obviously being a know all teen he was having none of it. I expected DH to agree and be worried re DS safety too but he went against me, said it was fine as long as he's getting out on his bike. Just don't tell his mother next time he goes so fast! I'm furious for lots of reasons.

OP posts:
Untitledsquatboulder · 11/03/2023 19:37

As a mother of two teen boys I know it's hard to hear but it's not your decision to make. He's heard your opinion but now it's his choice.

WitchesAbroad · 11/03/2023 19:37

This is not unusual for a road rider on a decent downhill, esp on quiet roads. I’m a 40-something woman, won’t be troubling anyone in a race and have reached / exceeded that speed regularly. It’s part of the sport.

To be honest, decent bike handling skills and focussing on a good line are better / safer than nervously pumping the breaks on a fast, rural downhill.

Pedallleur · 11/03/2023 19:42

If it goes wrong on a bike it hurts. Trust me I know. Got up to 60mph some years ago on the way to Sheffield. Backed off as I would have got hurt IF a tyre blew. But if conditions are right then he'll be fine. Prob more people hurt in bathroom incidents

5pot6pot7potmore · 11/03/2023 19:44

YABU

a) 37 mph is not that fast. There's no reason why he can't stay in control at that speed. Everyone I know who rides a road bike has exceeded that speed by a significant margin loads of times.

b) He was clearly quite proud of this achievement, otherwise he wouldn't have told you - and your reaction was to give him a bollocking. Next time he does something he's pleased with, I doubt he'll bother mentioning to you.

SweetSakura · 11/03/2023 19:47

Is it any different from downhill skiing , high wind sailing and windsurfing, cantering over the fields?

ActDottie · 11/03/2023 19:48

It’s all part of road cycling, when I used to cycle I remember getting up to 75mph going downhill

ActDottie · 11/03/2023 19:50

ActDottie · 11/03/2023 19:48

It’s all part of road cycling, when I used to cycle I remember getting up to 75mph going downhill

Should add that should be km per hour not miles! That would be madness!

Yogibearspicnic · 11/03/2023 19:52

I'd be more worried about him wearing shorts, it's bloody freezing out there!

Custardbanana · 11/03/2023 19:55

Pedallleur · 11/03/2023 19:42

If it goes wrong on a bike it hurts. Trust me I know. Got up to 60mph some years ago on the way to Sheffield. Backed off as I would have got hurt IF a tyre blew. But if conditions are right then he'll be fine. Prob more people hurt in bathroom incidents

60mph? Were you cycling in the tour de France?

notimagain · 11/03/2023 19:56

OP YABU unless the speed was clocked in a 30 mph limit.

By way of comparison we're in hilly (continental) cycling country and even the young teenagers in the local club regularly hit 80 km/h plus plus (so 50 mph'ish) even on quite short descents (good roads, good sight lines etc).

As for the proper mountain descents.......😬

Frabbits · 11/03/2023 20:03

Seeline · 11/03/2023 19:35

I assume that was within the speed limit?
Cyclists can be done for speeding too

Wrong.

Speed limits do not apply to pushbikes.

Original poster
Feckthelotofthem · 11/03/2023 20:11

Oh dear, reading responses above, sounds like I should have kept shtum!

OP posts:
lljkk · 11/03/2023 20:13

wouldn't worry me, tbh

JaffavsCookie · 11/03/2023 20:38

I bet he was really pleased with himself, you can’t stop worrying and it can be hard to not verbalise it, but sadly thats the bit you need to do now, whereas he needs the thrills.

ColdHandsHotHead · 11/03/2023 20:41

SweetSakura · 11/03/2023 19:47

Is it any different from downhill skiing , high wind sailing and windsurfing, cantering over the fields?

None of those things are done on a public road. Cyclists are more or less silent. If there's a curve in the road, they are invisible too.

Florenz · 11/03/2023 20:46

If he was wearing a helmet he's fine. There's a video on Youtube of a woman cycling at 184mph.

Alloftheusernamesaretakenn · 11/03/2023 20:52

YABU.

My mother was similar to this when I was growing up, and she just made it so that I didn't tell her anything about my life or what was going on in it. We haven't talked about anything besides surface-level chit-chat since I was 14, and now we have very infrequent contact.

It sounds like your boy was pretty proud of himself, and you've shit all over that. Your concerns are valid, but the way you've gone about it ("massive row", "I'm furious") means that you've also closed off any chance of providing guidance/advice on the topic in future.

Original poster
Feckthelotofthem · 11/03/2023 20:58

Another massive parenting fail on my part. Another in a very, very long line ...😔

OP posts:
Hellocatshome · 11/03/2023 21:03

Feckthelotofthem · 11/03/2023 20:58

Another massive parenting fail on my part. Another in a very, very long line ...😔

Don't worry OP. I told my DS (16 in.a few weeks) that I worried about him walking home from his friends in the dark and he just laughed and patted me on the head and said "I'm not 6 you know".

I would just talk to DS and tell him that you realise he was happy with his achievement and you shouldn't have made a fuss but that the thought of your baby hurtling down a hill at 36mph scared you. I find a little bit of honestly and talking to them as if they are an adult is always appreciated by teenagers.

PollyPut · 11/03/2023 21:54

Knowing people who've died as a result of cycling accidents with no other vehicles involved, I think YANBU. If he really wants to go that fast, is there somewhere off road he can go? Can he join a cycling club where people go out in groups and look after each other?

I'd be furious with DH too, undermining you like that.

TheOrigRights · 11/03/2023 22:07

You need to find out for how long he reached this speed.
I just looked at my last ride on Strava.
Average 14.6 mph, max 24.6 mph.
I don't even recall which bit was that fast, but must have been a tail wind down hill.
If it was just a short bit then I think it's ok.

Florenz · 11/03/2023 23:11

If he had a motorbike and said he'd been riding it at 36mph would you be concerned? What's the difference?

BelindaBears · 11/03/2023 23:21

Florenz · 11/03/2023 23:11

If he had a motorbike and said he'd been riding it at 36mph would you be concerned? What's the difference?

In shorts? I would be.

Anyotherdude · 12/03/2023 00:43

He was wearing safety gear and sounds pretty experienced. Just think that in the 1980’s people were regularly exceeding that down Ditchling Beacon (and probably some in the 1880’s, too.
I would be grateful that disc brakes on most bikes are available/common now, and encouraging him to join a cycling club - more safety in numbers - who knows, it might be a lucrative career for him!

Nimbostratus100 · 12/03/2023 06:56

Florenz · 11/03/2023 23:11

If he had a motorbike and said he'd been riding it at 36mph would you be concerned? What's the difference?

he is 16. yes Iwould