To be scared of having dc around open water like this

[Whatdoesitmatterif]

Ex doesn't watch them properly, gets distracted, doesn't ever seem to have that awareness or danger that most parents instinctively have.

he said he was taking them to a lake to play with a remote control boat which fine that sounds fun and I just said make sure you keep a close eye on them because they have a habit of running off.
The last time he took them there he let them paddle in it, it's a lake where swimming is banned because it's unsafe and the shallow bits have shelves etc they could have easily gone out of depth and should never have been in there anyway!
he said:

• he doesn't need to constantly watch them near open water they're old enough to know not to jump in (9 year old work adhd and autism and a 5 year old)

-it doesn't matter because if they did fall in it's fine because he can swim (the dc can't yet tho??) -they cant drown in 5 minutes he doesn't need to constantly know where they are.

Now I just feel sick about it. I'm not insane and I'd be happy for most other people I know to take them somewhere like this, but I have seen him not pay any attention to basic safety so many times and he is the kind of parent who would sit on their phone and let them run off/not know exactly where they are, it's a huge deep lake surrounded by woods so very easy for them to get lost out of sight in a few minutes. The youngest in particular just runs off all the time (I suspect he has adhd like his brother tbh)
i cant do anything about it but I don't know how to stop feeling so sick about it

I don't know why the formatting is weird and there's a random bullet point sorry!

YANBU, that would terrify me too. I don’t know what the solution is though, would he respond if you tried to reason with him?

I tried to reason with him he said I was insane and need to let them take risks, I agree some level of risk is important for children- but not the risk of drowning!!

they cant drown in 5 minutes he doesn't need to constantly know where they are.

Has he really said this? Because this is nuts.

It takes about 2 minutes for someone who is drowning to become unconscious. Drowning is often silent and hard to notice. And parental distraction is often a factor in children drowning.

It doesn't actually matter if they can swim or not- if they trip and fall and injure themselves, swimming may not be able to save them. Also, falling into cold water (and it will be very cold at this time of year) can mean it's much harder to save yourself.

Would he read an article like this one, so at least he's more aware of the risks: www.smh.com.au/national/how-does-drowning-happen-and-how-can-you-prevent-it-20201123-p56h2o.html

He sounds like an idiot who should not be entrusted with children. Not near open water, or roads, or fields, anywhere they might run off, fall over, choke... Leaves soft play, maybe.

I was thinking you were being a bit unfair and overzealous until I read his comments on the matter. He sounds stupid and unsafe, what the fuck is he thinking?!

it doesn't matter because if they did fall in it's fine because he can swim

This is also nuts, actually- is he a trained lifeguard?

It's very hard to perform a swimming rescue. A common outcome is that both people involved drown.

Your DC really need swimming lessons. For my this was a non-negotiable.

Yanbu. He should put his kids above stupid boats.

Either go with them or tell him to go play with his boat on his own, because the kids are not going.
End of ……

They are both in swimming lessons now but haven't been for long

He is definitely an idiot when it comes to basic safety- quite recently I was in the car with him and our children, he propped his phone up and live streamed a football match and started driving whilst watching it, I had to make him stop and then park and watch the rest of it before he dropped me off before I'd let him take the dc because I couldn't trust him not to try and drive the kids whilst watching it!

My exh was reckless when dc were small. Ds 3 came home in his cousin's clothes. Apparently his trousers got splashed out on a walk.
In reality ds fell through a frozen pond.

And exh was on the opposite side of the walkway.

Weeks later ds split his eyebrow on rocks down the beach.
Exh was on the top walkway.
Dc were 3 and 4...
They went back to the beach the next week stitches still in..

I absolutely spent best part of a decade awaiting the call we all dread...solicitor was no help as she said judges are reckless with other people's dc..
As teenagers dc went nc with their df...
I was so relieved.
Missed out when teen ds was caught extremely drunk at df's and needed his stomach pumped.. Exh asked the paramedic if he could take his can in the ambulance
.

Can see why he's your ex.
Sorry no useful advice.

What would you do if you were concerned about the safety of children (not your own) in the care of an adult

Is he just saying that to upset you, or will he really not pay attention to what they’re doing. My friends ex always tells her things like this, he uses her anxiety about her childs safety as another form of abuse.

WTAF!!!

I hope you went ballistic on him! Did he realise how dangerous that was after you spoke to him? I presume not given that he continued to watch it.

My mind is blown. It sounds like he needs some kind of help or intervention, but I have no idea what.

I was in a car park yesterday with two under 7s running around whilst cars were going in and out, and a bloke on his phone walking about 40 metres from them looking at his phone and paying them no attention. I've got a very low opinion of 'many ' men (not all) when it comes to safety and kids.

drowning takes 40 to 60 seconds & 1/2 a cup of water will be sufficient. He’s delusional

When I was 6 or 7 I almost drowned my Dad on holiday. I got into trouble in a lake in France and when he went in to rescue me, I was kicking off and panicking so much that I somehow ended up holding his head under water. Luckily someone else was watching and came to help. This bloke is an idiot.

You should have called the police on him. It’s terrifying that these kind of people are driving.

Christ he's thick. He doesn't sound safe around open water himself, let alone supervising anyone else. So, veto the trip

He isnt listening to you, is there anyone he does respect enough to listen to?

I don't know what you can do about him but can you teach your children what to do if they get in trouble in water - show them the RNLI seaside safety song and teach them to float like a starfish?

He doesn't sound like someone I'd want to look after my DC unsupervised.

However, you have a DC with autism and Adhd, neurodivergences are known to be inheritable and having poor awareness of danger is one of the signs so depending on if your DH exhibits other Autism or Adhd symptoms I would look into exploring this but in the meantime, no way would I allow my DC near the open water without being there too. If they go there regularly it might make you feel safer if they wore buoyancy aids they aren't expensive but run the risk of giving a false sense of security.

Would he agree to them wearing a life preserver at the very least? He sounds like a nightmare, and I’m a massive advocate of risky play but he’s another level!