To move DD private school in year 10?

[Ratherberightthanhappy]

My DD13 flexi boards at a private country school we chose during Covid, so never got a chance to physically tour/meet kids or parents. I did a crazy amount of research on schools before we joined this one and we even moved out of London to facilitate this for her, so the whole thing has been a Big Deal for us.

She joined in year 7 and is currently in year 8. She is average academically and actually is getting on well with her work. The big issue is the kids. There is a much higher level of behavioural issues in the school than I would expect at a private school, that seems to stem from a large cohort of kids from exceptionally traumatic backgrounds that have ended up in care. Lots of stealing and bullying and behaviour I wouldn't expect to be tolerated. There are also a lot of kids who are there seemingly as a last resort because they couldn't make comprehensive school environment work due to additional needs.

DD hasn't really made any friends at the school and comes home saying she is very lonely. She feels very different to the other kids (she is) she isn't into social media and the other kids seem to spend their time filming themselves crying and lipsyncing for tiktok. She loves to board because her shared dorm gives her an illusion of a group of friends but in reality they are all members of different groups and she is not.

I've been badgering another school that we have visited and we have a tiny chance at getting her into in yr 9 and a bigger one in yr 10.

My question is, should I move her in year 10, and disrupt the first year of GCSE's? She's getting on well with her work. What if 13 year old girls are awful everywhere?!

Not looking for a judgement on fee-paying schools and yes obviously feel sorry for kids from difficult backgrounds but after going to a shitty comp myself I have worked my butt off to access better for my DD...

I think the OP needs flexi boarding like I do. Mine is an only so she loves the boarding as it's fun and I get to travel for work when I need to. (Lone parent)

Lots of Bath schools have boarding & are not far away, Cheltenham schools likewise

Look to move anytime in Year 9. We moved the summer term of Y9, so a full term to settle in and make friends before the GCSE course started.

On the taster, day, I thought that was normal. I was offered 2 days with a school dd liked but ultimately decided she preferred her current school. The head was so confident she’d fit in, he offered her 4 days and waived the entrance exam. I paid at the end of day 2 and haven’t looked back. She joined in year 9.

Not a horsey school by any chance?

Im not sure how to say this without being blunt but I'd avoid the schools with extreme amounts of wealth as they seem to come with extreme amounts of dysfunction. They tend to be full of Tim not so nice but also dim. The more academic boarding schools tend to have more engaged parents and less disaster. Places like Stowe I wouldn't touch with a barge pole. King Edwards in Bath is lovely but won't give you boarding.

Headington is lovely and does have boarders although they aren't in a majority.

It was, it's not now

If its the one I'm thinking of it's always had a reputation of being a bit - strange.

Badminton in Bristol might suit?

Some of the cheaper boarding schools will almost certainly have spaces.

Dear God if that's awful for her just move her ASAP into a normal school. Her being in a boarding school or a private school isn't more important than her well being

Teacher here. Sometimes a cohort is particularly dysfunctional. Especially if there are a couple of strong personalities who set the tone and are bullies/very damaged. If your DD is in one of those, get her out. It won’t necessarily be the same elsewhere.

Rye St. Anthony in Oxford is lovely.

I'd be amazed if you couldn't get a spot somewhere for Y9. My DH works at a big name (non-London) public school and my DS is due to join in Y9 next year. I know for a fact they have 10 places still open in the year group and they would still accept a good candidate like a shot- despite them having missed the entire entrance process which started in Y6.

I would be moving her now if it’s that awful. To a non boarding state school if necessary, no way would I pay to leave her in that environment.

I know of three very happy girls who partial board at Woldingham. Seems nice and sporty and they seem to have lovely friend groups.

Millfield?

I’m less sure of the geography but I know someone whose daughter goes there and is very happy.

Are you talking about Wycliffe school by any chance?

Move her now. Look at local state options too.

There is absolutely no issue moving for the start of Year 9, especially for schools that don’t start their GCSEs until Year 10 - kids submit options in the first term of Year 9, typically.

So just ring around all the top schools and see which school could take her. Yes, many run their entrance much earlier, but there are quite often places.

No I'm not, has that gone downhill too?

The issue is that the three we are talking to are telling us a move for yr 9 is extremely unlikely. Hence my question about moving in year 10.

100% move her, OP. An unhappy child doesn’t fulfill their potential.