Am I being overly sensitive about this comment from my sons teacher?

[Specksofwhiteallaround]

Just looking for some perspective as I have quite extreme social anxiety so could well be reading something in this comment that isn’t intended. Sorry it’s a bit long, I just wanted to include the background as it’s probably relevant to how I’ve read it.

For full context my son is 9, has autism and attends a special school. His school does a lot of dressing up days to raise money for various causes etc but they have form for some being very short notice, eg: the evening before in some cases.
I get that for a lot of people it’s probably not too much of a problem to run the shop and grab whatever they needed but for us it’s a pain in the ass as there are no shops near us that sell kids clothes, I have no access to a car and the bus service to the nearest town is very limited, which his school and teacher are aware of.

It's careers week this week and yesterday morning there was an email asking kids to come dressed as what they want to be when they grow up today. My son says he wants to be an office worker so we went with school trousers, a formal white shirt and a plain jumper as the shirt was short sleeved and it’s freezing. We mocked up an ID with his picture, laminated it and out it on a lanyard and he was happy.

There is a daily email home and in todays one his teacher mentioned the career outfits and made a point of saying some had improvised and specifically mentioned my sons outfit. My first thought was of course we improvised you gave us a days notice but then I felt kinda of deflated like she was implying I hadn’t made any effort.
A little while ago it was numbers day and again the night before they wanted kids to come in clothes with numbers on and unluckily we didn’t have any, his teacher mentioned in the email that she’d got some stick on numbers so no kids missed out, and it just made me feel a bit crap, like my son was missing out because we didn’t happen to own a jumper with numbers on which is surely ridiculous.

Would anyone else take this as a mild criticism or am I just being paranoid?

I hear people talking about this short notice all the time. It's not acceptable. The day would have decided well in advance not on the spur of the moment, so there is a absolutely no excuse for this.

I don't think that comment is appropriate for this thread. It's not the same thing.

I'm undecided whether it was a compliment or an underhand criticism as without seeing the actual wording hard to say, but, I do think they are being unreasonable putting this on you with such short notice and so often.

A polite email saying how happy you are with the school, all the wonderful opportunities they give your children etc but please can you have more notice for dress up days.

Totally reasonable and I'm sure you won't be the only parent relieved if they listen.

Bits of crinkly paper pinned to their clothes really wouldn't work for lots of autistic kids.
And some would also be upset by someone drawing on their clothes as OP's DS was.
It is more complicated for SN children and more notice should be given.

@Specksofwhiteallaround I worked in education for years. At no point did I think "How lazy Xs mum was for not buying her an outfit"

The children I thought of when I went home were the ones I knew lived in abusive homes and were neglected - but not so abused and neglected anything proper would be done.
Those whose parents were very shouty and sweary and scared their children.
I thought of the young carers and the hard weekend they would have.
The children I knew who would be chilly and not get a hot meal all weekend etc.

I wouldn't be judging the parents, the vast majority do the best they can with the resources they have available. Many parents, even the 'bad' ones have their own demons to battle, their own learning difficulties, MH issues and their own trauma to work through.

A cared for looking child, with parents interested in their schooling who went to the effort of making them an outfit wouldn't even cross my mind.

Most schools that I've had experience of make a point of congratulating/rewarding/applauding the kids where there has been more than a last minute dash to Tesco's for a costume, as coming up with something has involved the child/parent thinking about it, bringing certain items together and then making creative little flourishes (such as a lanyard) or making a costume from scratch. So I don't think she was criticising you or your DS at all.

Don't worry about it, OP. Sounds like you've done a cracking job on these last minute and pain in the tits dress up days

@Specksofwhiteallaround . Your anonymous comment may not make your particular class teacher leave but it may well cause all of the many teachers on MN to read it and sigh. If you follow any of the teacher threads you can see how many teachers are looking elsewhere for jobs and many teachers are leaving in droves.
Your class teacher may not read MN but someone else at her school might read it and put two and two together and show her your post.
I have a close relative who is a Headteacher and they talk constantly about teacher recruitment.
Your moan about an email sent with the best of intentions will upset many working teachers. As I remind posters on the threads about lack of teachers, it is not just about the money but about working conditions and unreasonable expectations from parents.

@anexcellentwoman As a former teacher who left teaching for one of those nice cushy WFH jobs I can assure you that a parent admitting to struggling over a comment I made would not be the straw that broke the camels back.

Who are you to dress down someone who has social anxiety, has clearly said that she over thinks, has insomnia and a DC who has challenges significant enough to be educated in a specialist school and make her feel worse and give her something else to worry about?

@anexcellentwoman I’m sorry but I don’t have any expectations of his teacher other than that she does her job regarding my son’s education. I actually think she’s a brilliant teacher, and I’m very grateful that she’s going above and beyond to help support him with toileting.
I haven’t said anything bad about her at all. I was querying if I was reading too much into a comment because of my own social anxiety issues and have agreed that I am. Even if it was a criticism I’m not going to do anything about it other than feel like a shitty inadequate parent.
Please stop implying I’m going around upsetting teachers with unreasonable expectations and being picky, I’m not.

I would think she is praising sons costume. As for the sticky numbers it's the teacher being kind, reassuring anyone who hasn't got them that she can sort it.

@anexcellentwoman
Your comments are extremely inappropriate here. Cop yourself on.

I'd take it like this too and I'm normally hugely sensitive!

To me it actually sounds like a compliment!

What exactly does the email say? To me it sounds like a compliment. I also think your id with the badge etc is fantastic and very innovative. Doesn't sound like too little effort at all.

Honestly, I'd be fuming at the lack of notice. It's bad enough for NT children, but not only do you have the hassle of putting the outfit together, some of the children will need to get their head round dressing up and finding suitable clothes that they can tolerate etc. But it does sound like the teacher was impressed with your office outfit, try not to read too much into it.

@Specksofwhiteallaround . You asked if you were being unreasonable. I am a teacher and I think you are being unreasonable.
Please do not post on AIBU if you only want people to agree with you.
I feel very sorry for the teacher in question.

@anexcellentwoman I asked if I was being over sensitive about a comment, almost everyone has said I was and I’ve accepted that so I don’t know where your getting that I only want people to agree with me, perhaps you could point that out to me.
I don’t don’t think your comments are at all relevant to what I posted. I freely admitted I have any anxiety issues that are probably colouring my interpretation of what was said but you’re determined to paint me as a horrible moaning parent to justify your comments.

I think she’s probably equally frustrated by the short notice, appreciates the additional and unnecessary pressure it puts parents under and is trying hard to compliment every child’s engagement with the tasks. Your ingenuity and creativity stand out.
If you consider my username, you’ll infer that I appreciate some parents need to know where they and their children stand with a teacher. Children are more capable of ascertaining this than their parents (who can need more affirmation). More than thirty years’ teaching experience and being a parent lead me to this point.
Don’t perceive her comments as negative criticisms, don’t overthink this, and don’t think of me as patronising - I’m only trying to dissipate any concerns you have. Keep on exactly as you are.