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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He asked to leave her..?

38 replies

pancakesagain · 10/03/2023 08:36

My partner has our 18 month old this morning while I'm at work. He text to say she's still asleep in bed and he needs cat food, would he be ok to leave her and go to the corner shop a 5 min walk away.
AIBU to think this shouldn't even have been a question??

OP posts:
AllOfThemWitches · 10/03/2023 08:42

Well no but I remember when my eldest was a sleeping newborn and my electric ran out and I definitely considered whether it would be easier to leave her home sleeping while I ran to the shop to top it up. I didn't but the thought crossed my mind.

yellowmoon487 · 10/03/2023 08:50

A sleeping newborn is very different to what I'm assuming is a mobile 18 month old.

I wouldn't like this either OP, accidents can happen so quickly.

Snorkello · 10/03/2023 10:11

Is this maybe a form of ‘weaponised incompetence’ clearly he knows he can’t or he wouldn’t have asked. Is he saying this so you come to the rescue and ultimately he can step back from parenting completely, by making out he is totally useless and can’t be trusted to babysit a spoon, never mind an actual child.

Message back “obviously not! Don’t forget to put dc coat on when you take them, oh and we need [insert numerous items from shop here]”.

He will soon stop asking stupid questions and crack on!

DemelzaandRoss · 10/03/2023 15:17

Oh dear. You’re going to have to try not to be patronising, but explain that under no circumstances ever, can an 18 month old be left home alone, whether sleeping or not.
I would be horrified if this were my partner. Would worry every time he looked after her.

Bunnyishotandcross · 10/03/2023 15:26

I guess if the situation has never arisen he felt he needed to ask! My dh had never even held a baby when we had ds. He was very clueless and would also have asked this op.
At least he thought to check!

3peassuit · 10/03/2023 15:28

I would have been furious if DH had even suggested it.

TomatoSandwiches · 10/03/2023 15:29

YANBU

I find this level of incompetence depressing.

AllOfThemWitches · 10/03/2023 16:26

Bunnyishotandcross · 10/03/2023 15:26

I guess if the situation has never arisen he felt he needed to ask! My dh had never even held a baby when we had ds. He was very clueless and would also have asked this op.
At least he thought to check!

Yeah, this was me when I considered it. 17 years old and completely clueless!

yesterdayisgone · 10/03/2023 16:31

leave the baby alone for bloody cat food ??

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 10/03/2023 16:53

The lazy idiot.
He needs completely re educating.
That is the same as saying is it OK to leave a toddler in a car whilst I "pop" into the shops?
You need to watch this attitude. Its the attitude that takes an eye off them when they are into everything stage or doesn't clear up for safety's sake.
Mine were early climbers and escapeologists.

Season0fTheWitch · 10/03/2023 16:59

Perhaps instead of criticising him, discuss when you'd both feel comfortable with leaving your child at home while popping to the shops. Maybe when they're in secondary school for example. It's not like he actually did it, he checked because like most of us, we sometimes think about taking risks but decide not to.

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 17:18

Bunnyishotandcross · 10/03/2023 15:26

I guess if the situation has never arisen he felt he needed to ask! My dh had never even held a baby when we had ds. He was very clueless and would also have asked this op.
At least he thought to check!

I don't think you need to have held a baby or had any baby experience to know not to leave them alone? That's a pathetic excuse for idiocy.

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 17:19

He needs completely re educating.

This is very true OP but don't feel like you have to do it. You have a child to raise. You don't need another.

Original poster
pancakesagain · 10/03/2023 17:30

He did it before when our DS was 3 years old. I saw him on ring doorbell talking through the window to a complete stranger. And then I was the unreasonable one for having a go at him about it!
I'm pretty sure he only asked cos he knew I would have seen him leave without her on ring doorbell.

OP posts:
Cocobutt · 10/03/2023 17:32

I find it odd that he even asked you!

Does he enjoy being left alone with the DCs or does he find excuses to try and get out of it?

Ladybug14 · 10/03/2023 17:33

What a useless twat

Original poster
pancakesagain · 10/03/2023 17:33

The first time he did it the dog had escaped through the window while he was out and DS was talking through the window to the woman who had tried to return him. I heard her say "where is your mummy" and all I could do was go onto ring and speak through it and say his dad is around somewhere for him.
I was mortified.
And he still turned it round on me saying I was out of order for having a go at him.
So I couldn't believe it this morning when I got that message x

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 10/03/2023 17:37

pancakesagain · 10/03/2023 17:33

The first time he did it the dog had escaped through the window while he was out and DS was talking through the window to the woman who had tried to return him. I heard her say "where is your mummy" and all I could do was go onto ring and speak through it and say his dad is around somewhere for him.
I was mortified.
And he still turned it round on me saying I was out of order for having a go at him.
So I couldn't believe it this morning when I got that message x

What on earth! How didn't this behaviour kill your desire for him? You had another baby and are still with the useless crapbag.

Original poster
pancakesagain · 10/03/2023 17:38

It did to be honest but I was pregnant at time, and I can't see a way to afford to leave him, he wouldn't let me have the house and we've got 2 kids. X

OP posts:
quietnightmare · 10/03/2023 17:40

Tell me you shouldn't be a parent without telling me you shouldn't be a parent.

OP YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 17:50

So both times he was prioritising the pets over the DC?

Original poster
pancakesagain · 10/03/2023 17:52

@moonpixel no what had happened the first time was he'd gone to the post office, leaving DS in bed and a window open. While out the dog escaped through the window and DS had got up, then was talking to the woman through the window who was knocking on the door bringing the dog back x

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 10/03/2023 17:53

pancakesagain · 10/03/2023 17:38

It did to be honest but I was pregnant at time, and I can't see a way to afford to leave him, he wouldn't let me have the house and we've got 2 kids. X

I'm sorry, I hope you are at least ploting your escape plan now though, he sounds completely useless l, get yourself earning and squirrel away savings if you can.

Good luck

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 17:56

pancakesagain · 10/03/2023 17:52

@moonpixel no what had happened the first time was he'd gone to the post office, leaving DS in bed and a window open. While out the dog escaped through the window and DS had got up, then was talking to the woman through the window who was knocking on the door bringing the dog back x

And none of this made him realise his child could have been out the window and learn going forward?

What's his job, is he usually so limited in thinking or is it just at home?

Youthinkyoureuniqueyourejustastatistic · 10/03/2023 18:01

This reminds me of the evening we saw the little girl from 2 doors down crying and walking down the street alone.
We took her back home, window open, no answer/no car in the drive.
She’d be 4 at most.
We took her home with us about half an hour and a few peppa pig episodes later and we saw their car come back…didn’t rush out straight away with her.
They were frantically searching.
They’d left her sleeping to go to the supermarket- 20 mins drive away - for a full shop.
She got her little toilet steps and had climbed out the window.