To not drive the kids four times a year?

[knobheadex]

I'm divorced and live an hour away from my exhusband. We both moved half an hour away from the marital home in opposite directions. Since he's moved in with his new girlfriend he'll only make time for his three children when she's out of town. He expects me to drive them to his new place he shares with her (a two hour round trip) for a maximum of 24 hours about once every 4 months. He's been messaging our children to explain to them how unreasonable I am for not complying. Am I?

I’m afraid from my experience, this is the thin end of the wedge and visitation will only peter out more from here. So I would proceed with that knowledge in mind.

If you are minded to facilitate one way travel, I would certainly make it you picking up rather than taking them over, as if he doesn’t turn up then you’re not inconvenienced.

I've been ruminating on this all day. Something coincides with the time he started cutting contact right down, and it wasn't actually moving in with his GF. It was an incident when my then 10 year old told a school friend she was being abused, who then told a father who in turn reported it to the school. I went straight down there to meet the Head when I got that call, having no idea what had happened to my daughter.

It transpired that she'd told a school friend that the son of Daddy's new GF had been hitting her, attempting the strangle her and all manner of other horrors. When I approached my ex husband about it he didn't say it wasn't true, he just said he would install CCTV in the bedroom. That didn't sit well with me but the school Head said it was a good idea. Shortly thereafter he stops seeing his kids. Maybe this is related, and if so I can't say I blame the GF actually. I'd insist he saw his children elsewhere, i.e, move out.

Given your latest update. I wouldn’t take the DC to him. He should come down and see them himself, take them out for the day or whatever.

I wouldn’t want him having overnights if his girlfriend is a risk to the children.

Girlfriends son is a risk

Why would you send your children to a house where they have disclosed abuse at?

I'd kind of forgotten about it until today. They've rarely seen their dad in so long that it was put to the back of my mind. 😳 At the time he assured me that it was just kids being kids and that GF's son was just being rumbunctious. He was installing cameras in the bedroom and would monitor closely. That seemed like an invasion of my daughter's privacy to me but the school headteacher said it was a good idea. He did, as far as I know, install cameras. But then never really took the kids back there. Not unless his GF was away.

The minimum number of nights to reduce CM is 52 nights a year above which it gets reduced by 1/7th until above 104 nights when it’s reduced by 2/7th, so it’s not that. I’d put up with the 4 nights a year for your DC’s (who want to see him) sake. If the oldest doesn’t want to stay, don’t make them.