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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy my baby a first birthday present?

136 replies

baxtersm · 09/03/2023 18:29

Baby boy is coming one at the start of April and I'm really thinking of not buying him a present this year. He's my fourth baby and I've just realised over the years that the amount of plastic tat they get is ridiculous and unnecessary. And they don't play with half of it anyway, give him a remote control or a mobile phone and he's happy! My mum says I'm being a bit mean and that he needs a present but I don't want to buy just for the sake of it, he won't have a clue. Obviously when he's old enough to know it's his birthday it'll be different.

OP posts:
WolfFoxHare · 09/03/2023 20:37

*a well chosen gift, that should be

mummabubs · 09/03/2023 20:40

I didn't for either of mine. I baked them a cake and we went to a park / zoo to mark the day. We had so many toys already from when they were both born that it felt like we'd be throwing money away really just for the sake of it - ditto first Christmas! My logic was that I have no clue whether my mum and dad got me anything for my first birthday and I don't feel scarred as an adult 🤣

hulahooper2 · 09/03/2023 21:00

You need to get him something

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/03/2023 21:02

Well I wouldn't give plastic tat but I would give something meaningful like a coin from the royal mint or a special teddy or a money box.

Seems a bit shitty to give all your other kids a gift and not your youngest. Stop buying plastic shit for a start.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/03/2023 21:03

I actually got mine a personalised book stamp so that will last years and they can stamp any book they are gifted or, when the time comes, their school jotters

KievsOutTheOven · 09/03/2023 21:05

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/03/2023 21:02

Well I wouldn't give plastic tat but I would give something meaningful like a coin from the royal mint or a special teddy or a money box.

Seems a bit shitty to give all your other kids a gift and not your youngest. Stop buying plastic shit for a start.

A coin from the royal mint 😂 just what every child wants. And what parent wants more teddies?!

My son just turned one, we have an elder child (7) so we got him a new cup and plate (which he needed) a small second hand toy from dd and a new outfit. I was working on his birthday too. He had no idea it was his birthday; but we did have some family round at night.

Yulelogs · 09/03/2023 21:06

Mean spirited! He might not remember but he will find joy in unwrapping a small gift and finding a new exciting toy inside at one year old.

Doesn’t need to be expensive.

Yulelogs · 09/03/2023 21:06

It does also give the impression to the other kids that he’s not worth it!

KievsOutTheOven · 09/03/2023 21:07

Yulelogs · 09/03/2023 21:06

Mean spirited! He might not remember but he will find joy in unwrapping a small gift and finding a new exciting toy inside at one year old.

Doesn’t need to be expensive.

He will also find joy in smashing an empty water bottle off the floor, or tearing up some paper. Babies don’t need toys 😂

Paturday · 09/03/2023 21:12

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 09/03/2023 21:03

I actually got mine a personalised book stamp so that will last years and they can stamp any book they are gifted or, when the time comes, their school jotters

Ooooooh I’m nabbing that idea!! Beautiful!

Original poster
baxtersm · 09/03/2023 21:16

Yulelogs · 09/03/2023 21:06

It does also give the impression to the other kids that he’s not worth it!

Well if you knew how well loved this little boy is you wouldn't think that. He is loved beyond measure and I'd like to think I've raised the other three to realise that love doesn't equal presents.

OP posts:
Rainsdropskeepfalling · 09/03/2023 21:17

A really big cardboard box full of balloons is a great present, can be turned into a playhouse and recycled at the end

Marblessolveeverything · 09/03/2023 21:26

I have two children, on each occasion I put together a little box with a first edition book, a letter from me and their dad and the newspaper from the day. A top with their age and a soft toy made from the outfit they came home from hospital in.

Fromwetome · 09/03/2023 21:45

Not mean. Take some nice photos and have a nice meal/ cake. He doesn't need anymore plastic landfill he has his whole childhood to hoard toys, like you said at one his attention is on you and whatever it is you are doing

jannier · 09/03/2023 21:53

Will be just as happy with an empty box to fill

TooOldToBeDitzy · 09/03/2023 21:59

I don't think I got DD anything for her first birthday or her first ChristmAs. She had enough toys and I didn't want to get more just for the heck of it and these occasions didn't mean anything to her. She got lots of stuff from friends and family though.

With ds I got him a few things because I didn't want DD to think that ds isn't getting anything. It was mostly stuff I would have bought anyway. Clothes, toddler cutlery, etc.

I got out l from storage a few of dd's old toys as the big ticket items for him. DD picked them herself and they were her presents to him.

Puppers · 09/03/2023 22:02

It's absolutely fine and very sensible. And like you say, you've not raised materialistic older children who are going to attach so much significance to presents that they think gifts are directly linked to how much their youngest sibling is loved, despite being shown in a million other ways how important they are.

We regifted a couple of the older kids' old baby toys but apart from that we didn't do gifts for 1st birthdays or 1st Christmases. We did make a little fuss with a cake and grandparents came over for a birthday tea, which was always more for the benefit of the older kids.

Fifi0000 · 09/03/2023 22:06

When I look back on my DD I regret spending loads when she was little😱😱 I'm paying for it now she wants loads of expensive things. I think just get him some clothes, cake and a baby book. If I had anymore DC I wouldn't bother spending lots until they are older as they don't remember nor really appreciate it.

UWhatNow · 09/03/2023 22:12

ScarlettSunset · 09/03/2023 18:39

Because otherwise he might grow up with older siblings telling him how he didn't get a present for his first birthday and if he realises he was the only one that didn't it could cause resentment later

Show quote history

Of all the things that goes in between siblings, this just wouldn’t happen.

‘Waagh Jonny told me didn’t you buy me a present for my first birthday…’
‘You got a cake. You didn’t need anything else. You had tons of stuff since then…’

Job done. It’s really not that deep.

Blueberrywitch · 09/03/2023 22:15

I get the PPs mentioning that the siblings will notice and therefore it’s not great optics, but the people concerned about not having an answer when he asks what his first birthday present was……. I come from the most “gifts as love language” family ever and I have never once wondered or asked what my first birthday present was - this won’t be an issue.

Jacketandbeans · 09/03/2023 22:22

YOU DO NOT NEED TO BUY A PRESENT.
Sorry I must feel strongly about this. It is utter madness that we feel we have to buy presents. I have 3 kids, we are cluttered to the hilt with crap because everyone feels the need to buy gifts all the time. When it is a baby's birthday I just buy things he needs and wrap them (new coat/shoes or whatever) and tell the older siblings he's so little he doesn't need toys, that he has plenty to play with already. They totally get that!

This culture we live in where you are made to feel guilty for not buying a baby (who couldn't care less!) a present is madness, and is the reason so much is being dumped in landfill. Gift giving does not equal love, it really doesn't. The most important thing is marking the day for your own memories, having a little party and some cake, or pancakes or whatever it is your family like to do to celebrate a birthday. No need to waste money on more stuff.

AliceMcK · 09/03/2023 22:22

I felt the same with my youngest so I went to a car boot and bought a rocking elephant, ride on seat thing and a walker cost me £10 all up. As long as hes got something to open and you have a picture to show they got presents when they are older it dosnt matter what it costs.

Upsidedownagain · 09/03/2023 22:30

I totally sympathise with your sentiments but I would think also of the role model you present for the rest of your children - will they understand? I used to tell my DH to take our kids shopping for presents for my birthday etc, not because I necessarily wanted them, but to show them the right thing to do. Also they were excited to give me something, of course.

KilljoysMakeSomeNoise · 09/03/2023 22:31

I gave my younger ones hand me down toys from the older ones for their first birthdays. None of them complained Wink and it meant they got to open something, eat some wrapping paper etc, and their older siblings got to see them open stuff.

It's not like they'll remember. I can't even remember what toys I saved and gave them.

gogohmm · 09/03/2023 22:33

Buy him a keepsake like a special book, or useful things like crayons and bath bubbles