To think OLD gets a bad rap on here?

[2023a]

I loved it. It was my primary way of dating in my late 20’s and early 30’s. I met lots of lovely men, had lots of fun dates, two short relationships (both circa one year) with men I’m still amicable with and eventually met DH. Now very happily married. My friends have had similar experiences - pretty much everyone I know met their spouse online.

I read lots of horror stories on here and they just aren’t reflective of my experience. And, logically, it must work for lots of people, or nobody would do it.

So, I thought I’d ask - anyone else a really massive fan of OLD?

I’m glad to read that as I’ve recently dated an ex colleague and pretty much over but I’ve re-interested in dating and thinking of signing up soon. A colleague has had a good experience too

Excellent. I hope you meet some lovely people!

It's not that bad.

From what I can tell a lot of people on here spend a lot of time getting excited about people on OLD that they really should be ignoring.

Sure 90% of the people on there may not be for you. But that's what the "banish forever to the ends of the earth" button is for.

Also paying a bit of money for a site is a great way of filtering out undesirables.

Yup. I agree with all this.

I enjoyed OLD. Went on lots of dates, had interesting stories and had a few relationships. There are some guys out there that are horrible, but easy to filter out or just have one date.

I met a good friend on a dating site. No chemistry but we got really well and still friends years later.

Met my DP online. Our paths wouldn’t have passed otherwise. Year in and going strong.

Have you done it in the last few years or in your 40s? Maybe you’ve not experienced how awful it can be! I’ve met some nice people and had some nice relationships but I’ve also met or spoken to some absolute horrors and it’s definitely more difficult now / or as you get older.

100% would agree with all this.

You get quite a few men who’d like you to do/say things they’d normally pay for on other sites.

Paid OLD sites aren’t much better either, have done Match etc so it’s not even true that a paid site is better.

Friend of mine from school who was widowed in mid to late 40s met her second DH on POF which is free so just goes to show not all free sites are bad!

Honestly, I think a lot of people who don't like it are going about it wrong. Too many people want deep and meaningfuls with men they've never met. People on OLD do not want pen pals.

If they look nice and can write in such a way that they are not creepy or illiterate then organise a coffee and take it from there. Anything else is an utter waste of time. Also, don't wait for someone to message you. Get on the front foot and send the message yourself.

I definitely agree that there's a strong strain of people with bad filters coming on MN to complain about OLD.

Dating is, in theory, the process of meeting your best friend and falling in love with them.

If you need an anonymous forum to help you work out why a relationship isn't going well, then you're clearly NOT falling in love with your best friend, are you?

Been with DH for five years and I’m not in my 40’s yet, so no. However, the general consensus is that dating in general gets harder as you get older, do this doesn’t seem like an OLD specific issue?

Have to admit, I do find it amusing the number of times a user complains about having been on dozens and dozens of dates with no success, and yet is still absolutely strident the issue is everyone else online.

I guess you were young at the time though.

If you were to do it again in your 40s you'd see a different side to it. men in their 60s messaging you. men your own age dating you but un beknownst to you merely treading water with you until they meet a woman ten years younger. I did it on and off for years and every single man was either a user or a pervert or utterly deluded about what he had to offer.

Sounds like a good topic for an AMA.

This made me laugh and now I feel bad. 😂

I think this is a fair point. However, like I said above, the general consensus is that dating in general gets harder as you get older, do this doesn’t seem like an OLD specific issue.

Also, I never used any apps where people could message you if you hadn’t matched with them, so the older sleazy man thing was never an issue. And if people weren’t being actively delightful, I just blocked them. It all felt really straightforward and quite empowering, at the time, tbh. Picking, choosing, culling - and then dating the best ones.

Wouldn't worry about that.

I know someone who is a habitual, long-term OLD'er. Usually a date every week or so, and every single time her reasons for not wanting to see the date again are petty nonsense like 'didn't like his shoes' or somesuch. Obviously anyone is perfectly entitled to make a decision based upon anything they like, but she also spends an ungodly amount of time moaning and complaining about the fact that all the men she meets are terrible, when in reality it's her own ridiculous pedantry and hang-ups about largely irrelevant minor quibbles that ever prevent anything developing.

You are not going to meet a partner that is utterly flawless and perfect in every single way, because being imperfect is part and parcel of being a human being, so I really don't understand women like my friend. She has utterly unrealistic expectations, and the reason for her lack of success 100% lies with her, yet to listen to her you'd think she had some uncanny ability to unwittingly select undetected serial killers exclusively.

I did my OLD over a period of about 3-4 years in the mid 2010's, met both men and women, some good, some bad, a lot of 'meh' in between. There were people who wanted to meet again that I rejected, people I would have like to have seen again that declined, it all felt very much like the normal, typical diaspora you meet in any other scenario, and I'd have found it odd if it was any different if I'm honest. I really don't recognise the 'OLD is an unrelenting cesspit of horror' picture that is invariably painted on here. Makes me wonder how on earth people are meeting nothing but 'narcs' or 'sex pests' because if you take on face value the claims about the frequency of this happening, it screams of there being an issue with selection of candidates.

I agree with all this. But yet to listen to her you'd think she had some uncanny ability to unwittingly select undetected serial killers exclusively made me guffaw! 😂

I read threads about it and i find a lot of the things that MNs throw their hands up in horror about just wouldn't bother me at all I'm talking about initial contact here - before any physical meetings.

Everyone is entitled to their own feelings obvs, but such strong reactions to such non issues.
Maybe it's me?

I loved online dating in my late twenties. Ended up married. Now 35 and signed up to bumble and the quality of men (no offence men) has dramatically decreased. I'm still enjoying myself and making sure the dates I go on are fun dates doing things that I'd also do with a friend so I have fun whatever! But yes, men my age and up to 40 are looking old, have baggage (as do I) and seem to either have done amazing at life and be super rich and want no strings/hard done by with kids and 'crazy exes' or in open relationships and looking for someone to add to it!

Online dating was great for me, I only met 3 guys online, 1 we were friends for over a decade, another we had 1 date and he was just too intense for me and the third... I've been with for 16 years.

I wouldn't want to date now atsll let alone online. But I'm not in that stage of my life so I guess I can accept if we ended for some reason I might date again. Don't know if I'd do online dating again though. Mainly because I'm better at meeting people in general in person these days, less shy etc but who knows.

I do think you need to approach it as an introduction quickly followed by a date and I liked how the guys I met were upfront on what they wanted. Also I'm pretty selective, not because I'm some 10/10 looks wise or anything just because I've a low tolerance for chat if someone doesn't interest me enough. Lots of first dates and never gone on a second because I knew iw asmt interested sort of thing. I think you need to be like that, if you're desparate to meet someone I can imagine falling for every creep.

If you’re single in your 40s something has often gone a bit wrong. There’s likely to have been a major breakup or a bereavement and if they are long term single, there could be different issues. People need to deal with whatever has happened before OLD but many people sign up before they have resolved their issues. I did it myself - I wasn’t healed when I first signed up, although didn’t realise it at the time. There are some good people on there. But you have to be in a good place yourself and not accept any nonsense or ignore any red flags. It’s different in your 20s as you are probably meeting people who aren’t divorced or have children to consider. The two things aren’t comparable.

I've been married to my online date for six years!

My husband and I met on line around 8 years ago. Married almost 4 years.
We were in our 40s

So, it isn’t an OLD issue, it’s a (in your experience) dating in your 40’s issue.

Maybe - but equally people can say whatever they want online and there are no consequences. I’m sure most of the people would have said the things that have been said to me if they had met me in the pub!!