Thinking toddler would be better in childcare

[Wfdg]

Toddler (2) does 2 days a week in nursery and seems to really enjoy it and be happy and settled. Rest of the time is with me and it’s a different story. He just doesn’t seem to enjoy our days much at all and if I’m honest neither do I. Problem is there’s a dire shortage of childcare available and can’t afford it anyway. So have to wait at least a year … not sure what others might suggest?

My son needs a structured routine. It went roughly like this-

6am - wake cuddles in our bed with cartoons on telly
7 am breakfast/ read books/nursery rhymes
8am- get dressed
9am playgroup/park/visit family
1130 am play toys or garden (I had to play too)
1230pm - lunch
130pm - nap
330pm - walk to local park
5pm - tea
6pm - read books /play games
630 pm - get ready for bed
7pm - bed

I'd use nap time to do housework and prep tea.

But as others said I wouldn't worry too much about enjoying nursery more. He probably does enjoy playing with the kids and whilst he probably likes it he will still have his moments there too.

When he turns 3 you should get the 30 hours which might help a bit.

My oldest was similar to this. Never slept, didn't play with toys, grumpy often, difficult to entertain at home, loved preschool. I would say a couple things. First, it is indeed good to have a rough schedule in terms of meals and snacks, just so the day has some structure. Some children at this age find that their nighttime sleep is impacted if they take long naps in the daytime, so his lack of naps may be something you just have to accept. You do have to figure out how to work around it in terms of maybe having a rest time in the middle of the day so that even if he doesn't nap, he at least is laying down and clearing his thoughts, if you see what I mean. Gentle music might be helpful here and once you find something he likes you just play it every single time and it becomes part of his routine.

My kid also was one of those who just pulled all the books off the bookshelf. In retrospect, it was because disorder is easier for a small child to achieve than order. He found any ordered activity to be very difficult (eventual ADHD diagnosis) because it involved motor control and making decisions and so on. You also say he doesn't play with toys. Again this could be because he doesn't have an internal script for that and needs some sort of input from you to build that script. In other words he may want to play WITH you rather than near you. For example, with the books, you can "play a game" where you pick up the books and stack them. This way he can practice the motor skill of picking up books (rather than sweeping them off the shelf).

Do you get stimulation yourself? I found with my child who was like this, that I had to be getting some mental activity in order to come up with things to do with him. Bear in mind, you don't have to always do traditional kid activities. I had a change of perspective when I made friends with a woman who listened to her own favorite music with her toddler! In other words, following your own interests can help.

He may also just need a lot more outdoor time, to work off his energy which again could be a cause of the sweeping of books off the shelf etc.

I know it's hard, when you are up with a small child from that early and they do not nap easily, you get pretty tired by the end of the day.

My DD was the worst sleeper ever but at that age she really sought out increased risk/danger.
When she was 2.5 I got her the Kuhn Rikon knife set so she could start chopping up veg. She also started getting into science experiments which mainly involved bicarb and vinegar with food colouring. I used to follow “Imagination Tree” for ideas.
I made a play shop and post office in the living room. She loved that, playing with toy money. Obv I had to “join in” but at least it was sitting down with a cup of tea whilst doing so. We also used to get all the cushions off the sofa and bring a small mattress down so she could leap about.
Another favourite was to sit in the kitchen sink bowl and play with stuff altho you say he doesn’t like baths.

Have you tried things that replicate what they might've been doing at nursery but with a bit less mess? Like water painting books or tray tables of toys on a theme eg a farm?

The thing to remember is they do need constant interaction at this age, they don't really play with toys independently for very long - and it can definitely be hard to get anything done at home

I think you need to work on him playing on his own for short bursts. So you get out his toys and say ‘Mummy's doing x’ and keep busy even if he cries for a few minutes. Lots of praise when he does it. Try to build it up. This advice was from A family member to me and it was the best advice otherwise the expectation is you’re constantly entertaining.
Mine used to love washing plastic toys, playing with boxes, playing with pots and pans as well as toys.

I also agree with you about the sleep. My two woke at 5 for a few years and in the end I just went with it because they couldn’t get back to sleep! Slowly it sorted itself out and they now sleep in…until 6! I’m an early riser so it doesn’t bother me.

"Tried earlier bedtimes and later bedtimes and tweaking the nap … none of it works, the Gro clock doesn’t work (if you say it is still night time he cries!) I’m hoping the clocks going forward will help, but the thing is I think emotionally it’s just kind of easier if I don’t stress about it as it probably will change and life will get easier."

I get this. But he's changing all the time and even if it didn't work last time, the same thing might work again in the future. We started a groclock with a 5am wake up so she never had to wait long. It was agony committing to that every day 😭 but well worth it.

I'm basically an emptied out husk when my wake up time starts with a 5. Anything 6 and upwards and I can function.

I agree. But I would add that the one thing that did very gradually help the early risings a bit was the gro clock plus tonie box combo. We set the gro clock initially for very early and encouraged DC to put on a Tonie to listen to and then very gradually moved the gro clock to 6/6:30. I think it worked for mine because of the element of independence, being able to choose a story etc

Hi OP, to be honest I read your posts as though the issue isn't necessarily with him but how you feel actually. Is it possible you're depressed and that's why you're seeing him as unhappy? If you're low he'll pick up on this through your voice and facial expressions if not your behaviour too so it'll be a vicious cycle. He can't be happy if you're not.

Both my kids were better "occupied"
I put them in childcare 3/4 days and had a day at home then the weekends I think I'd have struggled with more.

I understand what your saying about nurseries some have closed near here too I thinking owing to utility and rent if premises going up and minimum wage will also go up too so they have probably been re-assessing things.

I used a mix of a Childminder and a nursery which worked well and a childminder is cheaper aswell. Are you using the tax free childcare this gives 20% off the bill aswell which is a huge help.

If you're not enjoying it, I'd try to get him more time in childcare and increase your days at work to pay for it.