Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel a hospital appointment when I've got plans

42 replies

Greenvelvetdress · 09/03/2023 09:53

I've been referred to a recurrent miscarriage clinic and to be fair to the hospital the appointment has come through really quickly and is in May.

Unfortunately it's a day I've already booked train tickets to London (£100) with my best friend to cheer me up after everything that has gone on.

I rang the appointments line today, having received the letter yesterday to cancel and the receptionist asked me to give the reason I couldn't attend and I felt like a naughty school child... She then said she'd add me back to the waiting list and I'd get a letter when another appointment was available.

Am I being unreasonable cancelling an appointment two months away for something I had planned?

OP posts:
nurseynursery · 09/03/2023 09:55

You're not unreasonable, there's plenty time to offer this appointment to someone else. As long as you're prepared to wait a bit longer for your next appointment.

xogossipgirlxo · 09/03/2023 09:57

If you can't go, then you can't. They will give your slot to someone else. Good for you for letting them know ASAP.

Makingamess4212 · 09/03/2023 09:58

Not being unreasonable. Hospitals just spit out random dates for appointments, they don't know you or your schedule. If you cannot attend you cannot attend, regardless of the reason. You have given them ample notice and asked to rearrange. Nothing wrong with that.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 09/03/2023 09:59

In these circumstances definitely not unreasonable.

Original poster
Greenvelvetdress · 09/03/2023 10:00

Thanks everyone, you've made me feel better 😊 just felt like I was being judged for having to ring and cancel but like someone said they just throw out random appointments. Hopefully I'll hear again soon and be able to make the next one.

OP posts:
maddening · 09/03/2023 10:01

It is an inefficient way to handle appointments imo, a text to invite you to book one would be better imo, avoid waste making appointments and sending letters which people need to rearrange or don't make because they didn't get the letter etc, whereas people actively making an appointment which fits with their life and commitments are more likely to be attended.

ObamaLlamas · 09/03/2023 10:02

Can train tickets not be rearranged? I don't use public transport so no idea. I'd never miss a hospital appointment because they're like gold dust as it is.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/03/2023 10:04

Hope you get a new date soon and best of luck with it. My RMC was amazing, I’m still friends with the consultant who runs it.

Original poster
Greenvelvetdress · 09/03/2023 10:05

@ObamaLlamas unfortunately it was already a rearranged ticket so can't be moved again but I know what you mean, I was pretty annoyed it came through on a day I was busy especially doing something nice.

Although it's an incredibly important appointment to me I'm also trying not to let the miscarriages ruin my life even more so decided to rearrange, however long the wait may be.

OP posts:
Fairyliz · 09/03/2023 10:05

Tbh I think I would have cancelled the train tickets and gone to the appointment.
The sooner you know if anything is wrong the sooner you can sort out what to do.
Most people are quite desperate by this stage and given the state of the NHS it might be a while until you get another appointment.

Elsiebear90 · 09/03/2023 10:05

You’re definitely not unreasonable, I work in a hospital, patients cancel appointments for all kinds of reasons, there’s no judgement if it’s a one off, she was probably just asking for a reason in case you no longer require the appointment or you need an appointment on a certain date or time.

ObamaLlamas · 09/03/2023 10:07

Greenvelvetdress · 09/03/2023 10:05

@ObamaLlamas unfortunately it was already a rearranged ticket so can't be moved again but I know what you mean, I was pretty annoyed it came through on a day I was busy especially doing something nice.

Although it's an incredibly important appointment to me I'm also trying not to let the miscarriages ruin my life even more so decided to rearrange, however long the wait may be.

In that case YANBU. Crack on, enjoy your trip, forget about it for a while and get drunk (which is what I'd be doing!) Take care.

Original poster
Greenvelvetdress · 09/03/2023 10:08

Thanks @ObamaLlamas - your reply made me smile!

OP posts:
RunTowardsTheLight · 09/03/2023 10:08

YANBU - you're the one who is most affected, so it's your choice to make. The appointment will be given to someone else.

TeenDivided · 09/03/2023 10:09

maddening · 09/03/2023 10:01

It is an inefficient way to handle appointments imo, a text to invite you to book one would be better imo, avoid waste making appointments and sending letters which people need to rearrange or don't make because they didn't get the letter etc, whereas people actively making an appointment which fits with their life and commitments are more likely to be attended.

I agree. It seems a very backward way of doing things.

Starflecked · 09/03/2023 10:13

Whilst letters aren't the most efficient, the health service has to be accessible and more people can recieve post than would be able to manage their appointments online. Im sure it will go to that eventually. There's other issues that would make booking online challenging.

They probably asked as if you said I can never get time off of work as I have set leave or something then they could bare this in mind, or if you said I am too nervous to attend perhaps they'd have support etc. You gave plenty of notice so it's fine, hopefully you aren't waiting too long for the next appointment.

Quisquam · 09/03/2023 10:14

I wouldn’t have - and I’ve been through it! What made me feel better, like nothing else could, was finding out why! e

Starflecked · 09/03/2023 10:17

Quisquam · 09/03/2023 10:14

I wouldn’t have - and I’ve been through it! What made me feel better, like nothing else could, was finding out why! e

Everyone is different, it's not for anyone else to judge. I'm sure this is important to OP, as is spending time with friends during this challenging time. The hospital was given plenty of notice so they can reallocate the app, OP will be given a new appointment so what's the harm really. I actually think it's amazing OP recognises her needs and knows that this trip is important, looking after your Mh is important too.

Original poster
Greenvelvetdress · 09/03/2023 10:18

@Quisquam I do see your point, however we have previously seen someone privately so had a lot of the tests done and also know that in 80% of cases you don't ever find out why. Sent our most recent baby for genetics so will see if that shows anything.

Our consultant has said to start trying again regardless of an appointment so will just try that.

OP posts:
greenacrylicpaint · 09/03/2023 10:21

yanbu

BUT the NHS unfortunately is an inflexible patient unfriendly organisation and unless you are able to re-arrange you might lose your spot in the system on the conveyor belt

WinterMusings · 09/03/2023 10:23

YANBU as you have cancelled it immediately & given them plenty of time to give the apt to someone else.

it's only unreasonable to do it at the last minute & prevent them filling the appointment.

I hope you feel up to 'trying again'. & that you find you don't need investigating anyway xx

Nap1983 · 09/03/2023 10:25

Nope not unreasonable. Youve cancelled In Plenty time for it to be reallocated to another person. Not like you’ve either cancelled last minute or not shown up.

Tidsleytiddy · 09/03/2023 10:25

ObamaLlamas · 09/03/2023 10:02

Can train tickets not be rearranged? I don't use public transport so no idea. I'd never miss a hospital appointment because they're like gold dust as it is.

This

tootiredtoocare · 09/03/2023 10:26

Noooooooo don't feel judged I'm sure the ABC didn't mean to make you feel that way. PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE always call to cancel your appointments. There is ALWAYS someone else desperately hoping to get in sooner. Public service announcement over. Thank you.

Blossomtoes · 09/03/2023 10:30

You’ve moved someone else closer to the top of the list, it’s fine.