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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this being helpful or interfering…

58 replies

knicknackkarriewhack · 09/03/2023 07:42

My youngest two DC both in their 20s still live at home. DS starts work at 7am(30-40min commute). He was still in bed at 6:25 so I woke him. He was not happy, as he was having a day off, he never told me that. DD said I shouldn’t have woken him as he is a grown up, I should let him be late. Just to add he doesn’t make a habit of sleeping in, happens maybe twice a year. I thought I was being kind and helpful. I would want someone to wake me if I was late for work. So was I BU?

OP posts:

5128gap · 09/03/2023 11:50

The unreasonable thing is that this is even a source of debate within a family. You did a normal thing out of concern for your son. Turned out it wasn't necessary and he got woken too early. An every day family miscommunication that barely warrants a second thought. If he's anything like most men his age he'd turn over and be back to sleep again in minutes. No harm done. I do think its a shame when parents are second guessing themselves about these minor interactions with their children. It must be very stressful. Adult DC are not gods to be pussy footed around, stressing ourselves as to how we can best serve their needs, and berating ourselves for any minor inconvenience caused where we make the wrong call.
If your DC are having a go at you about this, tell them to get over themselves and get some perspective.

UdoU · 09/03/2023 11:50

Dacadactyl · 09/03/2023 11:46

I don't think it's overstepping. If he does, he has to move out.

The point is that he is living in her house. If he doesn't like her waking him up, he needs to get up on time or communicate. Or, move out.

If she's doing his cooking and cleaning, that's on her. But if he wants to stay in her home and take advantage of that...he doesn't then get to whine on about "boundaries".

Show quote history

This is madness and helicopter parenting. I lived at home until I was 30 and my mum never woke me up or expected to tell her my work timings

Dacadactyl · 09/03/2023 11:52

@UdoU A one off waking her son up...helicopter parenting? I disagree.

Pixiedust1234 · 09/03/2023 11:56

You were trying to be helpful, and I have done the same. Only difference is my DD was grateful I cared enough about her, even though it was her day off.

Next time it happens dont wake him, but do start hoovering outside his door 😂

Shalapoo · 09/03/2023 12:08

All these people saying he needs to be an adult, he is responsible, it’s helicopter parenting etc etc. I’m middle aged and very occasionally sleep in. 😱 shock horror 😱. What’s even more shocking is DH has had to wake me. That must mean I’m not a mature adult 🤷🏼‍♀️. Doesn’t matter that I have kids, a mortgage, a full time job, pay my bills. The fact I’ve slept in means I’m not responsible.

There is nothing wrong with waking a family member if your believe they are going to be late for work. When you live as a family you’re a team and have each others backs

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 09/03/2023 12:15

Shalapoo · 09/03/2023 12:08

There is nothing wrong with waking a family member if your believe they are going to be late for work. When you live as a family you’re a team and have each others backs

There’s a difference between a partner and a grown adult child and I’m worried if you can’t see that.

Shalapoo · 09/03/2023 12:23

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 09/03/2023 12:15

There’s a difference between a partner and a grown adult child and I’m worried if you can’t see that.

Show quote history

our household is a family team. We have each others backs. Just because someone is an adult doesn’t mean they don’t need support. If my son slept in, which would be totally out of character, of course I would wake him especially as it’s not something he commonly does! That’s not overstepping the mark, babying him or being a helicopter parent. It’s recognising that my son is human and, like me, very occasionally needs waking.

I’ve even had my kids rushing into the room on the rare occasion I’ve overslept and they have woken me up.

My son is mature, responsible and respectful. He is however human 🙄

lailamaria · 09/03/2023 14:37

he's a grown man, if he didn't have the day off he would still be in the right, what if he was taking a sick day, it's not up to op to wake him up when he never asked her too

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