Is this being helpful or interfering…

[knicknackkarriewhack]

My youngest two DC both in their 20s still live at home. DS starts work at 7am(30-40min commute). He was still in bed at 6:25 so I woke him. He was not happy, as he was having a day off, he never told me that. DD said I shouldn’t have woken him as he is a grown up, I should let him be late. Just to add he doesn’t make a habit of sleeping in, happens maybe twice a year. I thought I was being kind and helpful. I would want someone to wake me if I was late for work. So was I BU?

A grown up communicates and takes responsibility. By not communicating his result was he got woken up. Due to someone who cares about him. Only one to be angry with is himself for lack of communicating. Had he said. Btw mum I'm off tomorrow. Nothing g would have happened.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

I would have done exactly the same! Being young, I am sure he was able to go straight back to sleep!

I would have woken him too. But it honestly doesn't matter unless someone is making a big deal about it. Is someone?

A grown up doesn’t need to tell anyone else their business. It’s none of his mothers business whether he’s working today or not.

She overstepped the mark and I think this is probably just the tip of the iceberg on how she treats her him.

He’s rightfully angry because she’s interfering in his life where she has absolutely no right to.

It comes down to if you see yourself as individuals living separate lives or if you view yourself as living within a team/family.

In our house, we are a team and as such we communicate with one another this - among other stuff - means letting others know that we are off on a particular day. This ensures that others know we do not need to be woken up. If we forget to do so then the responsibility that we got woken up is on us.

It sounds like in yours you are individuals.

To me when you are 18 and still living at home you have a responsibility to inform others about stuff that may impact you. IMO that's how you raise well-balanced fully functioning adults. You may disagree that's fine won't change my view.

I think sometimes you just can’t win!!

I have done the same to DC and DH, trying to be helpful. My argument has always been that no one told me, so I thought I was just trying to be helpful, ensuring they wouldn't be late.

I'm sure it was well intentioned, but the important thing now is that you know not to next time. Establish with him whether he ever wants you to wake him if lying in again, and take him at his word.

This is healthy. Rules and responsibilities need to change and evolve as children become adults. See this as part of that evolution, not a fight over who was or wasn't unreasonable.

He didn’t need to let them know. He’s a fully fledged gown up, responsible for his own decisions. As a pp said, no wonder there are so many incompetent men about when their mums baby them like this. Who’s going to wake someone who lives alone?

YWNBU.

It's easy to oversleep. If he didn't want to be woken up he should've told you.

And if he doesn't like it, he's free to save up and move out.

I'd have done the same as you OP, but only IF I was up anyway. It would be weird to set your alarm to wake grown-up 'kids'.

Ummm, no i disagree. He can't afford to house himself for one thing, so fully fledged adult he is not.

You just made that up. OP hasn’t said why he’s still living at home. He’s got a job, that makes him a fully fledged adult in my book.

@Blossomtoes fair enough, OP hasn't said why he's living at home. But in my mind, if he could afford to live somewhere else, he'd be doing it.

I'd have done the same. I'd have felt bad if I'd knowingly let him sleep in. I'd do the same with my DH too or anyone else in the home too. And I'd hope that the other people in my home wouldn't knowingly let me sleep in either.

He would probably have grumbled if you had left him and he had been late for work! Can't win I guess.

You say you woke him 35 mins before work when it’s 30-40 mins away. If you were thinking he needed to be up then surely you’d have woken him sooner. I mean surely you didn’t wake up at 6:25 and immediately go and check on him? If so that does seem a bit odd when he’s an adult. My parents wouldn’t have done this when I lived at home but then I probably would also have mentioned if I was having a day off

I think this is a good opportunity to set up a Google calendar or have a physical calendar in the kitchen to pencil in holiday. I don't think it's unreasonable for a man in his 20s to let his own mum know that he's on annual leave when he is living in her house.

Surely it is a mature thing to do? It doesn't take much effort and seems like a common curtesy to me.

Doubtful when he’s got mummy on tap. If she thinks it’s acceptable to interfere and overstep her boundaries to wake him up then you can bet she’s also doing his washing/cooking/cleaning too.

Who’d willingly give up that free ride?

Sparklfairy · Today 08:23

Sometimes you can't win. If he was actually late and you hadn't woken him, would he have said, 'why didn't you wake me?'

Yes, I'm sure that would be it exactly! Ungrateful little sod!

I don't think it's overstepping. If he does, he has to move out.

The point is that he is living in her house. If he doesn't like her waking him up, he needs to get up on time or communicate. Or, move out.

If she's doing his cooking and cleaning, that's on her. But if he wants to stay in her home and take advantage of that...he doesn't then get to whine on about "boundaries".

If you frequently had to wake him up that's a different issue but as he only sleeps in twice a year, I would have thought he is ore than capable of managing what time to wake up?

Even if he was late, no hard in letting him get up late, it's part of adulting.

Oh I see. You’re one of those parents who doesn’t think their kids should be allowed to set their own personal boundaries and are happy to ride roughshod over them in the name of power and control.

Got it 👍

@FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks my house, my rules.

Don't like it...save up and leave.