To not allow DD to sleepover with her boyfriend

[hula3s]

DD is 15 , she's in a relationship and her bf is also 15, theyve been in an on/off relationship since they were in year 7 but they haven't broken up for over a year.

He was diagnosed with sepsis last year and he was very unwell, he is still struggling with being very tired and weak etc. It did also affect DD a lot but she is now okay and she's supporting him.

It's his birthday this weekend and he's invited DD to spend it with him and his family at a small party which I have no issue with, the issue is he's asked DD to sleep over on Friday night, which I've said no to as I feel they're still too young.

DD is very annoyed at this and has said they aren't going to have sex (which I didn't mention) which I should ‘already know’ as he is still not 100% well, I don't care about him as it's the one thing he wants (he hasn't asked for a present, just to see her) etc.

I'm now wondering if I'm being a bit mean by saying no.

So mumsnet, AIBU?

Haha, that doesn't make any difference. I was 18/19 and remember bf sleeping over and us sneaking into each others rooms.

I would say no she's to young and as I've pointed out already sleeping arrangements don't matter. Unless someone is going to sleep in the same room to.make sure they don't sneak around.

It was a year ago, I'm assuming she's made the decision by now.

I'm not saying this is something I'd be happy with but I am interested in your reasoning as you say it's not about the sex (we all know they'll do that how and when they want to regardless of sleepovers and sharing rooms and beds or not). So if it's not the sex but she's 'too young', what is it she's too young for? To learn about a committed, trusting relationship while maintaining good communication with her parents? I don't mean that to be goady, I am genuinely interested.

My girls are younger than this so I have it all to come and I am dreading it. However my experience with my own parents means I certainly will avoid doing flat out 'no' answers to things and giving vague 'too young' explanations. In our house that sort of attitude made me feel I couldn't have discussions about relationships, sex and everything that goes with that including boundaries, safety etc. I felt I had to keep everything undercover and lied to them non-stop and I floundered, I really did. I took me a very long and difficult time to learn about mature and sensible relationships and I made a lot of mistakes, all avoidable. I cannot have my daughters feeling or doing what I did.

My best friend's parents had a similar attitude to mine about these things so like any creative teenager, she and her boyfriend had to improvise. As beds in homes were not an option, they found themselves in an alleyway, by this point a bit frustrated by their inability to express their love in an adult way and got a bit carried away. They were inexperienced and not in a comfortable position, and as they were just getting going, he slipped and went in the back way. Fell in, if you like. Dry and with some impetus. It was a genuine accident btw, he wasn't one of 'those' men. The result wasn't pretty and required medical help. Oh how we laugh about it now (one of my favourite teenage memories in fact) but it so wasn't funny at the time.