To not allow DD to sleepover with her boyfriend

[hula3s]

DD is 15 , she's in a relationship and her bf is also 15, theyve been in an on/off relationship since they were in year 7 but they haven't broken up for over a year.

He was diagnosed with sepsis last year and he was very unwell, he is still struggling with being very tired and weak etc. It did also affect DD a lot but she is now okay and she's supporting him.

It's his birthday this weekend and he's invited DD to spend it with him and his family at a small party which I have no issue with, the issue is he's asked DD to sleep over on Friday night, which I've said no to as I feel they're still too young.

DD is very annoyed at this and has said they aren't going to have sex (which I didn't mention) which I should ‘already know’ as he is still not 100% well, I don't care about him as it's the one thing he wants (he hasn't asked for a present, just to see her) etc.

I'm now wondering if I'm being a bit mean by saying no.

So mumsnet, AIBU?

Lazy parenting at its best. it’s a cop out .

Firm no on the sleepover.

since it is a special occasion, I would be willing to pick up by car later than normal, even though I hate having to stay up late and would likely be tired the next day.

YABU. They have been together a long time, at 15 I was allowed to sleep at my boyfriends house.
Is it possible for them to sleep in different rooms?

Exactly this.

I am appalled that anyone would think this is appropriate.

She is a very young teen. She should be focusing on education, career aspirations, fitness, and other foundations of a healthy productive life.

Not on prematurely latching on to some boy. Or being in a "relationship " for gods sake.

Show some leadership and nip this in the bud.

How far away do they live?

I agree no sleepover in the same room.

My parents definitely had a backchannel to my boyfriend's parents at that kind of age.

It depends on the actual young people involved. There is no “standard 15 year old daughter”.

lf your daughter is going to have sex, preventing her from going to this family event is not going to make any difference. You will though drive an (in my view) unnecessary wedge between you and your daughter when there are no safety issues.

l’m in my 40s and my late mother was the person some friends turned to for help rather than their own mothers. Which person do you want to be?

I'd have to say no she can't sleep over. I'd say that as the parent of the boy as well. I have a teen ds and a pre teen ds. No way I'd allow a 15 year old girl to stay over night. Not worth the risk, and they could end up in big trouble.

Definitely keep on with sex education at the same time. If they do end up sneaking around, at least you've done everything you can do as a parent to keep them safe.

Over 16 could be a slightly different. At least then they are legally age of consent. Still hammer home sex education though.

The maturity of 15-year-old girls is very uneven. My DD is 16, and quite responsible, able to assert her own boundaries, very aware of safety, consent issues, etc. It doesn't stop me worrying about her. I think my answer would have been a no at 15 (and she probably would have been grateful for the excuse to say no), but the decision really is yours, as you know your DD best.

Agree with this.
My dd is 15. No boyfriends yet, but if she had one then I would not allow this. As a teenager I wasn’t allowed any boys in my bedroom at any time. I didn’t feel deprived, it actually helped me enforce boundaries on my boyfriend when I was 17 and not ready for a sexual relationship.
I also agree about respect mentioned by pps.

Before saying no I’d speak to the boyfriends parents to understand where she’ll be sleeping. If it’s separate rooms I think it’s fine.

He's turning 16 at the weekend, but DD isn't for another few months. I don't have an issue with her having a boyfriend as the majority of her friends have/have had boyfriends so I assume it is normal for 15yos.

I'm not stopping her from seeing him on his birthday as that isn't until Saturday.

To add to my previous comment. I was sexually active at 15, it didn't scar me for life; no lectures please, I'm in my 40s now in a professional job. But I never had sex when parents were in the house. I expect your daughter is likely to be similar.

Legally, almost 16 is still 15. Therefore it's not legal and that does make a difference.

@hula3s YANBU

Well they want to have sex with each other, so if you are OK with that then yes, let them. Otherwise, no.

I used to shag my boyfriend in the dead of night on the living room floor when my parents tried to implement this type of 'arrangement'.

YANBU. After a party is not the time to allow a first sleepover.

@hula3s See my comment above ^ If teens want, they will find a way. On occasion I'd let my boyfriend in for a shag and then let him out again. Separate rooms didn't stop us.

Absolutely not, she's 15, there's no discussion to be had.

I had a sleepover at my boyfriends (16) when I was 15. Separate rooms. He sneaked in when everyone was asleep, and yes, we had sex.

If you agree this, know that your daughter will almost certainly be having sex

If they are merely sleeping then why is there a need for her to stay over? It isn't too far to collect her so collect her after the party.

No, you can't stop teens having sex but you can stop facilitating it especially for one under the age of consent no matter how mature they think they are. How many unplanned pregnancies are there on MN from adults? What do you think the failure of contraception rate is for teens?

Yabu.

I used to stay over at my BF house when we were 15. I used to sleep in his sisters room and sneak in to him after his parents went to bed and we'd do everything bar have sex

God I'm dreading mine being teenagers 😳

Stand firm OP. It honestly didn't do me any harm (we didn't have full sex despite numerous sleep overs and we were together for 18 months) but you've already said no so don't back down.

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