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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not give a shit about my job?

251 replies

Stringme · 08/03/2023 19:35

I have always been a high achiever and work in a professional career with security, good pay, high responsibility and endless scope for progression. I get lots of opportunities to develop myself as a leader etc etc.

It’s a job most people consider to be worthwhile and important BUT I just don’t care. I want to do the bare minimum and then log off. I feel like I’m constantly pretending to care about my personal goals, what I want to achieve etc. Everyone else is so keen and thinks the work is so important.

Am I the only one pretending or do other people do this?

OP posts:
SweetSenorita · 09/03/2023 14:31

Interesting reading.

I absolutely love my job. It's a massive part of my life. As things stand, I'd hate to retire (I'm mid 50s). I want to work until I die. Today is my day off and I'm in the office 😚

I love what I do and I love being around people during the day. And then I love going home to my own company in the evening.

I have plenty of fucks to give; I'm definitely not a 'do my hours and log off' kinda woman.

Takes all sorts, I guess.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/03/2023 14:41

Ah, I do and i dont.

Id like to care more but my personal life is also quite busy

Original poster
Stringme · 09/03/2023 14:48

@SweetSenorita what do you do and what do you love about it? Does it matter to you that you are replaceable?

OP posts:
slowquickstep · 09/03/2023 14:57

Work to live or live to work, we all make our choice. Most employers don't give a stuff about you, you are just a number on the pay roll and totally replaceable. We have all been sold lie, you must be career minded, you must want to progress when actual fact we would all rather sit on the beach. As a woman you are made to feel a failure if you don't have a career, run a household and raise a family. The marketing men were very clever.

Starwarslover · 09/03/2023 14:59

I’m torn on this one. I care about what I do and I do work hard but I do very much set my boundaries as I don’t want work creeping into my personal time, which happened at lot at my old firm.

I had definitely lost motivation in my old role but a change of firm has reenergised me a bit. My main aim is to work out how to do this role effectively in as little time as possible

NotMeekNotObedient · 09/03/2023 15:32

For me I think it's burn out. Team was massively understaffed. Then covid hit. Then I got pregnant. Loved being off on mat. Had to go back for the money (part time only thankfully) but just feel worn out by work now. Definitely lost my drive. I'm back in a great role, expanding my skills etc but if I'm honest it's definitely more about the money. I'd leave in a heartbeat, sahm plus start a small part time business on the side where I work for myself perhaps.

It's all the corporate bullshit I cant stand, making nice with colleagues you dont like, and honestly the world would still turn if my job wasn't done. Don't get me wrong it's important to the strategic aims of the firm but it's all just pushing paper and money around really!

SweetSenorita · 09/03/2023 15:58

Stringme · 09/03/2023 14:48

@SweetSenorita what do you do and what do you love about it? Does it matter to you that you are replaceable?

I'm a chartered accountant and Head of Finance at a small charity.

No, I don't mind at all. We're pretty much all replaceable in reality. If the charity decide they don't want me anymore – and they could well do cos I'm a bit of an acquired taste (nice woman but a tad eccentric) – then I'll take myself to another place that needs an accountant. There are loads of opportunities out there 😍

mycatsanutter · 09/03/2023 16:39

@timoteigirl I went from insurance ( 28 years in a family run brokers ) to a GP receptionist. I put off looking for another job for years thinking the only qualifications I have are from school /college I have not acquired any more qualifications over the years who is going to want me ? Then my son who works in recruitment made me look at it differently pointing out all my transferable skills and that my 28 years showed I was loyal and was not a job hopper .I applied for 3 jobs , got 2 interviews and got one . I absolutely love it .

timoteigirl · 09/03/2023 17:53

@mycatsanutter WOW I would have thought that a medical receptionist is a very stressful job, dealing with people who are stressed potentially rude.

Thepeopleversuswork · 09/03/2023 18:13

I’m going to go against the grain a bit here. I do understand the frustration of people who loathe the culture of “give 100% or give up”. And I totally get the resentment of people who want to just do the job and switch off. A lot of jobs are boring and the culture of work can be really burdensome.

But the thing that is being missed here is that for some of us a job means financial independence and that’s huge. I was in an abusive marriage and if I hadn’t had a decent and reasonably good job which paid me enough to support my daughter and interested me enough to get me out of bed in the morning I would have been in a very bad place indeed.

My job means freedom from men and autonomy over my life and not a day had gone by since I separated from my daughter’s father when I’m not grateful for that.

It’s really easy to trot out this line about “no one on their deathbed wishes they had worked harder” if you are supported by someone else. Some of us don’t have that luxury. If I hadn’t worked hard I would have been up shit creek.

mycatsanutter · 09/03/2023 18:16

@timoteigirl so far no which has surprised me tbh . I'm enjoying being around more people and the constant buzz of the place. Have you been in your job a while and are fed up ?

timoteigirl · 09/03/2023 19:33

I just want to be valued for my contribution and enjoy my role instead of a mad pressure and stress all the time. The more you deliver, the more work is piled on you so the pressure is never reduced. It sounds like you find your role meaningful which them motivates you. That's what I need as well.

letthemalldoone · 09/03/2023 19:56

timoteigirl · 09/03/2023 12:44

@letthemalldoone You said among other things that "I am not about to humiliate myself by applying again. I wouldn't be appointed anyway if I was the only applicant." -- do you think it is they see you as hard to line manage or as a difficult employee, a sort of trouble maker? I've had some of the experiences that you list, too.

I think they do, but not for the reasons anyone else might think it.

The culture is simply toxic. We're in professional roles, but we're not allowed to challenge or question anything, even very trivial things - though they then bring in speaker to events who tell us we should challenge things all the time!! They come up with deeply illogical 'rules', don't tell you about them and then bollock you for not following. I'm not a fan of any employee being 'bollocked' and one of the organisation's so-called values is 'respect'.

I also think the fact that I am way more educated (not a boast, a fact) is resented.

I got my post deleted because I think I over-shared!!

I don't care any more - just trying to get through the miserable days and work with the service users who more than appreciate my support - it's the only thing that keeps me even going.

blueshoes · 09/03/2023 21:52

SweetSenorita · 09/03/2023 14:31

Interesting reading.

I absolutely love my job. It's a massive part of my life. As things stand, I'd hate to retire (I'm mid 50s). I want to work until I die. Today is my day off and I'm in the office 😚

I love what I do and I love being around people during the day. And then I love going home to my own company in the evening.

I have plenty of fucks to give; I'm definitely not a 'do my hours and log off' kinda woman.

Takes all sorts, I guess.

What a breath of fresh air. It is refreshing to read that you are enjoying your work.

This thread is otherwise depressing. Sad to see so many miserable people at work. It is possible to be energised at work and also have other interests.

Spectre8 · 09/03/2023 21:53

blueshoes · 08/03/2023 23:46

The company needs me because I do the thinking side of the role. My reports prefer not to apply their brains and just do robotic processing. The company can automate the robotic side of the role to a certain extent but the company still needs me to make analyse and make judgment calls and deal with senior management and the authorities. I would love to train one of my reports to move up a gear and take over more of the thinking but they just want me to give them the answers when it gets even just a little complicated and are content to stick to their 9-5 easy roles. That's ok but we can use machines for that. I prefer to work with systems rather than people because people take leave, go off sick, slow quit and all kinds.

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But reports can be automated, you say you do analysis on it but there is already predictive ai that can take the data in reports and come up with judgement calls and well dealing with management ...well that depends on what that means but yeah pretty much most of your role can be done without a human.

Luckydip1 · 09/03/2023 21:53

At the end of the day the staff generally don't care about work and the company doesn't really care about the staff. There is a small percentage of people that are clever and driven who rise up the ladder but for most people it's just to pay the bills.

blueshoes · 09/03/2023 21:54

Spectre8 · 09/03/2023 21:53

But reports can be automated, you say you do analysis on it but there is already predictive ai that can take the data in reports and come up with judgement calls and well dealing with management ...well that depends on what that means but yeah pretty much most of your role can be done without a human.

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ok then. Looks like you don't have a clue what you are talking about.

Spectre8 · 09/03/2023 21:56

blueshoes · 09/03/2023 21:54

ok then. Looks like you don't have a clue what you are talking about.

Show quote history

Looks like u can't deal with the fact your job is no more valuable than your direct reports who u clearly loathe.

And I do know what I'm talking about having been on projects that have introduced that technology into some teams

blueshoes · 09/03/2023 21:59

Spectre8 · 09/03/2023 21:56

Looks like u can't deal with the fact your job is no more valuable than your direct reports who u clearly loathe.

And I do know what I'm talking about having been on projects that have introduced that technology into some teams

Show quote history

If you insist ... my 'loathsome' reports will be automated out sooner than me. By which time, I will be happily retired.

I also introduce tech into teams and I know the capabilities and limitations from a business and technology angle. You don't have a clue what I do, and why should you?

Zipps · 09/03/2023 22:29

I actually really like my job (most days) but I just have no enthusiasm for anything new or extra. I am just so done with work I am early retiring this year.
I certainly won't miss anyone at work going on about some bollocks we have been given to do being a challenge and they can't wait to start and I have to listen to them droning on in meetings about how they are going to do this and that,
I just think 'fuck off'
I can't wait to do what I want every single minute of every single day.

JoelyJoe · 09/03/2023 22:56

This totally resonates with me. I have had a few different jobs at different levels of seniority, and although I cared about my team, and I what people thought of me, I didn't actually give two hoots about the job or the company. I often used to feel baffled by corporate bullsh*t, where they would imply you should care so much, and give so much of yourself, when I knew it wasn't reciprocated, and if it suited the shareholders pockets I could be out on my ear.
I now do a job that pays a fraction of what I earned in the past, working with kids with SEN. I love it, and I really care about what I do, and I feel I can make a difference to their lives. But I earn less than I did 25 years ago...
Unfortunately I couldn't have done this job back then, because I was single. I can only afford to do it now because my husband is the chief income earner in our family. This is a sad reflection on our society.

Greenfairydust · 10/03/2023 07:47

I think to me as well a lot of the issue is usually not so much the job I have been hired to do but about the way things are managed in the company.

My job is in marketing/comms and in itself is interesting and creative, or It would be if I was allowed to actually do it...

Instead the top management constantly add endless, pointless catch-up and planning meetings which take most of my time.

I am the only person in the role as this is a small organisation so I am basically writing plan after plan to tell myself what to do...then I have no time left to do the actual job.

I have been doing a good job in this role and completely transformed the whole function.

But rather than focusing on the positives, the one thing that was highlighted to me in feedback was that I did not attend a particular work event (on a day that I was not even contracted to work...) which is frankly just depressing.

No wonder I am not going to give this job more than the minimum required to keep it and will always have an eye on other opportunities.

Most workplaces in my sector have been like that: paralysed by chit chat and meetings and back stabbing and with bizarre expectations from management who rather than help always tend to make the job harder than it needs to be.

I am really hoping that I can go self-employed to cut down on some of this nonsense.

Travelban · 10/03/2023 08:05

Greenfairydust · 10/03/2023 07:47

I think to me as well a lot of the issue is usually not so much the job I have been hired to do but about the way things are managed in the company.

My job is in marketing/comms and in itself is interesting and creative, or It would be if I was allowed to actually do it...

Instead the top management constantly add endless, pointless catch-up and planning meetings which take most of my time.

I am the only person in the role as this is a small organisation so I am basically writing plan after plan to tell myself what to do...then I have no time left to do the actual job.

I have been doing a good job in this role and completely transformed the whole function.

But rather than focusing on the positives, the one thing that was highlighted to me in feedback was that I did not attend a particular work event (on a day that I was not even contracted to work...) which is frankly just depressing.

No wonder I am not going to give this job more than the minimum required to keep it and will always have an eye on other opportunities.

Most workplaces in my sector have been like that: paralysed by chit chat and meetings and back stabbing and with bizarre expectations from management who rather than help always tend to make the job harder than it needs to be.

I am really hoping that I can go self-employed to cut down on some of this nonsense.

I think this just sums it up perfectly for me. I always had a lot of drive and energy and still have to an extent. Working full time whilst raising 4 children hasn't been a breeze. But the corporate politics have managed to kick the wind out of me for sure.

Now I am 51 and kids are teenagers, I am just looking forward to retiring when I can afford it (5 or 6 years) and doing something more meaningful with my life.

Dis626 · 10/03/2023 08:20

I find this thread so depressing! We spend too much of our time at work to not care about it and enjoy it.

NastyNiff · 10/03/2023 08:57

Dis626 · 10/03/2023 08:20

I find this thread so depressing! We spend too much of our time at work to not care about it and enjoy it.

True, but what's the solution? Looks like many posters here made career decisions in good faith, and are conscientious people. So I'm not sure they are entirely to blame.
But I share your hope that things could be different.