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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he shouldn't be like this?

58 replies

SunsetsInVenice · 07/03/2023 21:47

Based on a simple misunderstanding?
DH said this Saturday gone that he may be home for a conference call which was happening at lunchtime today. He doesn't get set lunch hours so left it that he would text me to confirm. We only have the one housekey as I lost the other so he needed me to be at home to let him in.
I didn't hear anything all morning so went to gym. When I finished my class, there were numerous texts on my phone saying that he was outside the front door and assumed I would be at home after what he had said. I told him I had heard nothing from him but he said 'You know I couldn't have let you know the day before as I don't know my exact lunch hours day to day so could only have let you know this morning.'
Got home and he's in a foul mood. Aibu to say he should have been clearer ?

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 07/03/2023 22:04

Well did you know that? Again why didn’t you just leave the key outside somewhere and text him to let him know? You have his key, why haven’t you got another cut yet? It’s not how adults run a house together is it

Original poster
SunsetsInVenice · 07/03/2023 22:04

I do know he doesn't have a set lunch hour but thought he would roughly know and so would tell me the night before at least.

OP posts:
Undermyumberellaellaella · 07/03/2023 22:05

SunsetsInVenice · 07/03/2023 22:04

I do know he doesn't have a set lunch hour but thought he would roughly know and so would tell me the night before at least.

Can you not text each other that morning and let each other know how the days going to be?

Eyerollcentral · 07/03/2023 22:06

Why haven’t you had another key cut? Like the day after you realised you had lost your first one. You both seem to be very bad at communicating, are you?

EarringsandLipstick · 07/03/2023 22:06

@SunsetsInVenice

Can you explain why you didn't text him before you headed out?

Assuming he'd changed his mind is not a reasonable excuse.

PixieLaLa · 07/03/2023 22:08

You both sound as ridiculous as each other 😂

Original poster
SunsetsInVenice · 07/03/2023 22:11

He had texted me later on that day but I didn't see it by that point as was in the gym class

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 07/03/2023 22:13

Please, please for my sanity, why haven’t you got a key cut?! You have his key. The onus is on you to allow him to be able to access his own house until you get a key cut

Undermyumberellaellaella · 07/03/2023 22:14

SunsetsInVenice · 07/03/2023 22:11

He had texted me later on that day but I didn't see it by that point as was in the gym class

Yes, I understood that when you first said. Why could you not have messaged him saying "I'm popping out. Do I need to leave the key?"

RichardMarxisinnocent · 07/03/2023 22:18

Am I the only person wondering why the OP's DH is coming home on his lunch break to do a conference call? And indeed why the call is happening during his lunch break and not during work hours? I assume there is some reason why he can't do it at his workplace?

I do think you should have checked with him whether he was still needing to be let in before heading off to the gym. And as others have said, why on earth didn't you get a new key cut as soon as you found you'd lost one?

MichelleScarn · 07/03/2023 22:19

Do you usually go to the gym at lunch/this particular class?
If not I'd be wondering if you'd done so just to be mean!

TrishM80 · 07/03/2023 22:20

One million per cent your fault. Can't believe 32% of people agree with you.

HellonHeels · 07/03/2023 22:21

I don't understand why he hasn't taken his key back from you. For that he is being unreasonable.

For not immediately having a replacement key cut you are being utterly unreasonable.

For not already having a spare key, you are both being unreasonable.

TrishM80 · 07/03/2023 22:22

PS do you work, OP?

Lefteyetwitch · 07/03/2023 22:23

YABU you lost the key. You've failed to have it re cut and so you should be the one inconvienced.

Hbh17 · 07/03/2023 22:26

Just get some more keys - which you should have done as soon as you lost yours - and stop squabbling like kids. I don't know how people can make such drama out of total trivia.

LesserBohemians · 07/03/2023 22:27

RichardMarxisinnocent · 07/03/2023 22:18

Am I the only person wondering why the OP's DH is coming home on his lunch break to do a conference call? And indeed why the call is happening during his lunch break and not during work hours? I assume there is some reason why he can't do it at his workplace?

I do think you should have checked with him whether he was still needing to be let in before heading off to the gym. And as others have said, why on earth didn't you get a new key cut as soon as you found you'd lost one?

Yes, me too. Also mildly curious about why having another key cut hasn’t happened, as the OP either doesn’t work, or works flexibly/PT enough to go to the gym in the middle of a weekday, and she’s the one who lost her key…?

PaigeMatthews · 07/03/2023 22:31

what time did you go out?
what time did you return home?
why haven't you got a new key cut?
have you no other doors in your house?

Rosebel · 07/03/2023 22:33

Surely the time of the conference call was arranged beforehand, not just at lunchtime as that might mean someone expecting the call at 12 but another at 1:30 but maybe that's not how it works.
If it is he knew in advance what time he'd be home. I still would have text him to check before I went out though.

Womencanlift · 07/03/2023 22:33

This is on you OP. All you had to ask is “what is happening tomorrow as I have plans?” or better still you could have went and got a key cut yesterday

Also there could have been many reasons why he wanted to do the call at home, interview for another job (and if it’s that I can absolutely see why he is pissed), needed privacy as topic is confidential or it’s about a person so confidential, etc.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/03/2023 22:34

“Hello love. Hope you’re having a good day. Realise you’ve not said what time you might be home. I was hoping to get to the gym at 12 - will that fit with you? Ps I’m going to pop and get a key cut on the way back. Do you need anything while I’m out? Xxxx”

how hard is that?

WineCap · 07/03/2023 22:41

I think that you should have left the key hidden and text to say that you were off to the gym but had left the key for him just in case.

I'm also very confused about why you haven't got a key cut.

gazpachosoupday · 07/03/2023 22:45

Have you posted this before?

BitOutOfPractice · 07/03/2023 22:47

I’ll also add that if my DP knew I was potentially coming home and effectively locked me out because they’d taken my key that I hadn’t been careless enough to lose, to go and do something non-essential like the gym, I’d be hopping mad too.

PearlClutzsche · 07/03/2023 22:57

We only have the one housekey as I lost the other

This seems a strange admission, given that the OP is trying to convince us to be on her side, when in fact it weakens her position.

I'm wondering, therefore, if this is... a reverse!