To want to spend my savings on a home I want to live in

[hufflepuffbutrequestinggriffindor]

I am nearing 40 and have made it clear to my OH that I want us to buy a home before I'm 40. I was brought up in a council home so there's no money in the family so all my money is mine. We both set up lifetime ISAs to save into. I earn more money so maybe have a little more disposable income but I do pay for more things for DS to balance it out. So far I have saved 4 times as much as OH (££££) and there is a possibility the mortgage would have to be in my name as he has a poor credit rating. He wants us to buy super cheap as that's how first time buyers do it and wants me to buy a flat in a rougher area to begin with. I get very anxious and this develops into agoraphobia when it gets bad and due to this, I cannot live in a flat. (Been there, done that, it gives me the fear). I also do not want to buy somewhere and move again within 10 years. I am happy to buy a small cheapish house in an ok area but apparently I am wanting too much and being unreasonable. I have told him he can't make me spend my money on somewhere I don't want to live but apparently I'm unreasonable for this.

You're right

He clearly likes spending the money but not contributing to a shared goal.

You can buy alone but as you are married it’s still half his - is this something you really want to enter into with him?

He has no risk and all the benefits.

I wasn’t working and still on the mortgage and deeds -

Why does he have a bad credit score and why isn’t he saving?

I would go and look at the properties you are interest in and put in an offer - DH can come with you or alternatively you can get rid of the dead weight.

Are you married, it’s not clear?

It’s mostly your money so I’d say mostly your choice.

You are not unreasonable especially as it is mainly your money! It is really expensive to move and also buying a house is an incredible amount of hassle and stress. It isn't like moving between rentals, and it's best to do it as little as possible IMO.

Flats are harder to sell I believe so a first time buyer would only but them because its all they can afford/suits their circumstances. Buy the house that you need long term if you can afford it is my advice.

DH or OH?

Makes a difference if you are married or not. If not buy the house you want.

The best advice I can give you, is to buy the worst house in the best area that you can afford, and then spend your time and money doing it up as and when you can afford to. If you buy a cheap flat in a crappy area, it's never going to gain much equity OP, and by the sound of things you wouldn't be happy living there. Are you actually married to this man OP, as if he isn't saving, has a bad credit score, and wants to go against what you want, I'd be tempted to ask myself what I was doing with him, as he clearly doesn't have the same aims in life that you have.

If it’s mostly your deposit and it will your name then you really get to decide. go for the max you can afford now, without being in a risky situation. Moving is very expensive with stamp duty etc. we bought a cheap flat, totally renovated and sold within 3 years, but we were younger than you so I do think it made a difference

Also please protect your deposit contributions if it’s bigger-the solicitor can help with this.

Why would you need a “starter home” if you can afford the home you want?
congrats on imminent ownership, I’m another one without family paying my way who was almost 40 before I owned. I certainly didn’t buy the flat I would have if I were 22, but the one that suited my needs now.

You buy the best you can afford.

Being successful in housing is to go Up the ladder is as few a rungs as possible.
You aren’t in your 20s- buy the best you can and enjoy life.

Buy what you want. Who’s he to say otherwise? His not your dad, do what you want.

You are almost 40. If you can afford more than the bottom rung, then do that. If he’s concerned by what ‘most people do’, they buy the flat he’s talking about when they are young and child free, then move up to where you want to be a few years in when the children come along and they can afford it to take a step up. Which is where you are now.

YANBU

Your money, your choice. Buy in the nicest area you can afford - it’ll make you so much happier. Make sure if he’s not going on the mortgage that the house is just in your name- and see a solicitor in case you should split.

He sounds completely inept at anything to do with finances, no, do not buy a grotty flat in a rough area.
Has he actually saved meaning you've seen the statement or has he told you because his reasoning makes no sense.

I would save and buy alone if he is only OH and not DH, please tell me you are not married?

You are right. Protect your deposit! DO NOT subsidise him.

By the way, we bought our first house 18 months ago. We skipped the first rung on the ladder because we were in our mid 30s and had a DS. We bought a modern terrace, town house style home. We’re very happy and could cheerfully stay here years (just as well as we can’t afford to trade up around here). I heartily suggest you do the same, provided you can afford the monthly repayments with interest rates being what they are.

Yeah this. As someone who only got on the property ladder a bit later in life I was told its best to go for the highest rung rather than start at the bottom then move in a couple of years etc.

Is he feeling insecure maybe? What's his game.

I get very anxious and this develops into agoraphobia when it gets bad and due to this, I cannot live in a flat. (Been there, done that, it gives me the fear). and if he knows this then that's the end of discussion surely

I'd also prefer to do it your way. YANBU to want to live in a decent place where you won't be afraid to leave your home!

Please say you are not married.

Are you married?

Unless you are married don't buy with him. Buy your own place and he can pay you rent and keep living like the teenager he clearly has not grown past. There are no advantages to tying yourself financially to this person.

I hope you aren’t married.

I would buy the house I wanted, and think carefully about whether he should be on the deeds. How does he contribute financially? How will it work when you buy?

He sounds like a liability.