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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want ILs to stay this long?

51 replies

User1815 · 07/03/2023 11:57

Hello,
SIL has suggested a weekend away with myself and DH along with FIL, his partner and their dog, which we agreed to. After some back and forth between SIL and FIL, FIL called to say they agreed they would actually drive to see us (3.5 minimum drive) and stay with us 4 nights. SIL will come to for one night.
AIBU to not want them to come this long? I was agreeable to 2 nights but 4 will mean they are still here when we are at work. I do not like the dog, it barks a lot, is extremely energetic and I am in a 2 bed terrace.
DH says it's because of the drive and he never makes the effort so we need to agree but I really want them to go after 2 nights. AIBU?

OP posts:
PandasAreUseless · 07/03/2023 12:23

No YANBU.
We have a blanket policy with guests: "We'd SO love to have you stay longer, but I'm afraid we simply cannot have anyone in the house when we're working from home"!

Flowersinmai · 07/03/2023 12:24

Could a compromise be that they stay in an Airbnb nearby ? Might make it a bit easier.

Mortimercat · 07/03/2023 12:25

Well it doesn’t really sound like you have the room for them anyway. But to be honest, I would not make a fuss about four nights rather than two.

gamerchick · 07/03/2023 12:30

How did going away for the weekend turn into everyone coming to you?

TomatoSandwiches · 07/03/2023 12:39

People don't get to decide how long they are in your house op, you tell them when they need to leave.

Knitterofcrap · 07/03/2023 12:44

Just say you were looking forward to going away. You want to revert to plan A. They can’t agree between themselves that they are all staying at yours! It’s completely different from all going away together.

Silvers11 · 07/03/2023 12:45

Knitterofcrap · 07/03/2023 12:44

Just say you were looking forward to going away. You want to revert to plan A. They can’t agree between themselves that they are all staying at yours! It’s completely different from all going away together.

This. A completely different scenario

Coffeepot72 · 07/03/2023 12:49

Just say you were looking forward to going away. You want to revert to plan A. They can’t agree between themselves that they are all staying at yours! It’s completely different from all going away together.

Definitely!

FourFour · 07/03/2023 12:54

Where do they all plan to sleep? How rude of them to just invite themselves. And definitely no to the dog, why do people think it's ok to bring their pets along.

Teatime55 · 07/03/2023 12:57

People staying when you have to work is the worst. Especially when you come home tired.
Our journey to ILs was longer than that so everyone always wanted to do at least 5 nights, all you end up doing is disliking each other and resenting the visits.

PillBoxes · 07/03/2023 13:01

Meet for one night at yours, then swap houses. Everyone sees different wallpaper that way.

Cherrysoup · 07/03/2023 13:04

Book an airbnb.

AlisonDonut · 07/03/2023 13:05

Yes just say if they aren't wanting to go away you'll see them another time.

Incidently I used to drive 3 hours to see family, and drive home the same day.

Timeforachangeisitnot · 07/03/2023 13:07

I would be telling them ‘come if you want, I won’t be here. We planned a weekend away and I’ll be doing that, and then you will have to leave as I will be working’.
Then book myself off somewhere. Cheeky beggars

FingerPuppet · 07/03/2023 13:08

People don't get to decide how long they are in your house op, you tell them when they need to leave.

This.

If they had bothered to ask you first, you could have told them you could accomodate two nights.

I cannot wrap my head around the entitlement of some people.

GCAcademic · 07/03/2023 13:09

No. Hosting people for four nights including while you're at work is an entirely different proposition to the weekend away that was originally mooted. It's very rude of them to suggest this.

BungleandGeorge · 07/03/2023 13:10

I think if you’d invited them adding a couple of nights when it’s such a long journey and doesn’t happen often wouldn’t be unreasonable. But they suggested you all go away and now they want to all stay at yours with the work entailed? That would be a no!

AnxietyLevelMax · 07/03/2023 13:13

Its ur family and 4 days is not awful long. As long as it doesnt happen often i would suck it up and let them stay.

00100001 · 07/03/2023 13:17

BungleandGeorge · 07/03/2023 13:10

I think if you’d invited them adding a couple of nights when it’s such a long journey and doesn’t happen often wouldn’t be unreasonable. But they suggested you all go away and now they want to all stay at yours with the work entailed? That would be a no!

Such a long journey??? It's 3.5hrs not 35....

2 nights is reasonable for that distance.

StuartBroadshairband · 07/03/2023 13:18

AnxietyLevelMax · 07/03/2023 13:13

Its ur family and 4 days is not awful long. As long as it doesnt happen often i would suck it up and let them stay.

It's not her family.

It's also not 1997 where you get charged for going over a character limit, so you can use English not text speak without charge.

Acheyknees · 07/03/2023 13:20

Tell them that does not work for you and you would prefer the original plan of going away for the weekend.

wizzler · 07/03/2023 13:22

Maybe you need to work away for a couple of days? Leave DH with the guests and the barking dog and clear off and leave him to it

ittakes2 · 07/03/2023 13:43

My parents bought their retirement house with two bedrooms on the top floor for family to stay and visit and one bedroom downstairs for them. They were initially put out when we told them after a few visits we would be staying in an airbnb - but it truely turned out better for all of us without us sharing their house they positively encourage us staying in an airbnb now. They kindly buy basic food for our stay and help clean at the end.
personally I would be suggesting you meet them half way and stay in an airbnb saying its a better quality visit if its a proper holiday.

timeforachang3 · 07/03/2023 13:50

Sorry where on earth are they all planning on sleeping???

if that’s not an issue, I’d simply say, sounds great although we’ll only be able to have you on the Friday and Saturday night.

or if you’d rather go away; that sounds lovely but we don’t really have the room and we’re really looking forward to getting away so let’s stick with that. I’ve found this place which seems like a good distance for everyone - here’s the link- let me know what you think and I can send some other options if it doesn’t suit!

Naunet · 07/03/2023 13:57

How did it change from you all going away, to them staying at yours?! Just tell them no, you want to go away as planned, not host.