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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going on holiday alone?

29 replies

Fitzroygurl10087 · 07/03/2023 11:14

Been dating a lovely man for 7 months. He has one adult child that doesn't live with him. I have a ds 7 and dd 10, I have them full time as their dad is not capable due to mental health and alcohol.
My dp has booked a week away to a cottage for himself and his dog. I feel a bit gutted that he didn't even ask me to go with the kids even for a weekend. It feels like it's something you would do together by now. AIBU?

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 07/03/2023 11:16

Has he met your children?

PillBoxes · 07/03/2023 11:18

I personally don't think there is anything wrong with him doing this. He doesn't have young children of his own, and honestly it is a bit soon to have your children around him for a week IMV.

I am sorry to say this, but you sound needy, and he will run a mile if you continue your line of thought. It is only seven months that is nothing really.

IwasToldThereWouldBeCake · 07/03/2023 11:21

He might want to protect himself from any accusations that he might try to spend time with your children or have an inappropriate interest in children.

He might also want peace and no drama about his place in your family.

TheDanceOfTheTomato · 07/03/2023 11:21

There is nothing wrong with him doing this and doesn't really reflect on you. TBH I think 7 months might be a bit soon to go on holiday with your kids.

If you want to ask him if he''d like a short break away with you at another time, that's a seperate thing altogether (I think). Ask him!

QuertyGirl · 07/03/2023 11:23

It's far too soon for this.

He's not your partner at seven months- you're just dating still.

Chill out.

GrapesAreMyJam · 07/03/2023 11:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Untitledsquatboulder · 07/03/2023 11:23

Well I guess it depends on the point of the holiday. You plus kids doesn't sound very relaxing plus 7 months seems pretty early on for joint holidays.

What are you thinking re his role in your family unit going forward? Step sad? Live out partner? Casual boyfriend? Wait and see? Might be worth checking you are both on the same wavelength.

DuvetDownn · 07/03/2023 11:23

I think 7 months is too soon to holiday all together and he may not want to spend a week with young DC.

Ponoka7 · 07/03/2023 11:25

How much has he been around your children? How enthusiastic is he at including your children, or having days out to suit them? I have GC, my partner never had children and I recognise that he struggles with noise etc, so I'm happy to do things with my family and he on his own. I holiday alone because of a income difference and him not being able to afford time off work. What's important I'd that you are on the same page re the future. Seven months in when you are a full adult is well enough time to decide this. You need to ask him why he didn't consider even asking you.

WandaWonder · 07/03/2023 11:27

Sensible man, I love holidays alone

7 months? I think you need to slow down a bit

PermanentlyinUAT · 07/03/2023 11:29

A holiday with three young kids is not much of a holiday. Parents have to suck it up, for the most part. Your boyfriend does not, and as such, is not. Don’t blame him. Sorry OP. A week away with 3 kids who aren’t mine doesn’t sound like fun to me either, even if they were belong to someone I was dating.

PermanentlyinUAT · 07/03/2023 11:30

*belonged

Hbh17 · 07/03/2023 11:30

I have been married for decades, but still enjoy an occasional holiday alone. As does my husband. Sometimes it's important just to have solitary time to recharge the batteries - it's nothing to do with relationship status.

Mortimercat · 07/03/2023 11:32

I would definitely go on a holiday with a new boyfriend after seven months, but not if I had children that would need to come, that is far too soon.

As an aside, I once booked a holiday cottage for me for a week and didn’t bring my husband. It was because I was working on my masters and had papers to write and revision to do. Maybe he has something that he needs to focus on or just needs to recharge his batteries.

viques · 07/03/2023 11:33

I am thinking of the dog here, a week in a cottage with small children who aren’t used to dogs? Your friend has made the right decision, both for you, your children and the poor dog. 🙂

You do sound as though you are pinning a huge amount on this relationship, I can understand why, you have had little support from the childrens father, but if your post is indicative of the pressure you are putting on your friend then I am not surprised he is taking time for himself. Don’t forget, he has done the whole children/puberty/teens scenario once, he would have to be very committed to do it all again with someone else’s children and seven months is a short length of time.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 07/03/2023 11:36

I love holidays alone!
How often has he met your children, and yes I agree small children with the added stress of supervising them around a dog they don’t know super well is not relaxing. I think it’s fine

GoldDuster · 07/03/2023 11:39

Too soon.

He's not being unreasonable.

TheNoodlesIncident · 07/03/2023 11:42

I wouldn't expect that with someone who I hadn't even been dating a year. It may well be he likes to have total chill time with his dog and nobody else, and even having you and your two dc for a weekend of that isn't the same. It would be a different experience and likely not relaxing.

I wouldn't take it personally either, because a break by yourself with a dog is totally different from one involving other people that you don't know (very well or at all).

CalistoNoSolo · 07/03/2023 11:56

You are being so unreasonable and several counts. If a man I was dating got pissy with me for going on holiday alone it would be a dealbreaker for me, particularly if I was expected to fund his children too.

Original poster
Fitzroygurl10087 · 07/03/2023 11:57

Thank you all for your replies. He has met my children and gets on fine with them but I agree that the idea of a holiday alone sounds blissful, and going away with someone else's children would not exactly be fun. Maybe I'm expecting too much of him and I can be a bit needy, I'm working on it. I'll try and chill out about it, luckily he is none the wiser about my feelings as I posted here before speaking to him. Thanks mumsnet! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Fitzroygurl10087 · 07/03/2023 11:58

@CalistoNoSolo I would have paid my own way.

OP posts:
AnnoyedFromSlough · 07/03/2023 11:59

Sorry, yabu.

He has booked some time away for himself. Dealing with someone else's children really doesn't make for a relaxing break.

whatadayforadaydream · 07/03/2023 11:59

Well I am not sure I would want to go on holiday with someone I was dating's kids only after only 7 months. Or with kids at all.

Does he like kids? Have you talked about they fit into your relationship?

AnnoyedFromSlough · 07/03/2023 12:00

Cross posted!

Original poster
Fitzroygurl10087 · 07/03/2023 12:01

He does like kids in general, but I guess he has been there and done that. We are at different life stages I suppose

OP posts: