To resent spending so much on presents?

[LovingLife0]

Every month, I’m spending so much of my disposable income on other people. For example this month I have/will have paid for presents for:
2 friends of my sons (they’re going to their parties) £10 each
2 donations to people going on maternity leave at work £5 each
My brother’s birthday £20
My friend’s daughter’s birthday £10
A friend who’s had a baby £20
Mothers Day £20
A friend’s birthday £15
This comes to £115 and is a normal type of month.

I know I could spend less but I find it hard finding something nice for less than the above. I also really love these people! But it is so much money and selfishly I’d love to buy some new clothes instead of getting bits at charity shops!

AIBU to resent spending this much? How other people manage this sort of spending?

I totally agree. I set out my budget for the year in January and there are multiple “only once a year” occasions every month. There are very few weeks when there isn’t some sort of occasion.

I’ve cut down spending on each person, and moved to cards only with people that were willing, but it still feels relentless.

I didn’t mind so much in previous years, but money is tight now and buying little gifts for people uses up nearly all of my non-essentials money, so there’s not much left for anything else that I want to do.

Yep, I put aside £100 a month for presents and am never left with any. I agree that I could cut down buying for certain people but they would continue buying for each other for sure - I don’t want to be the only friend in the friendship group not buying a present! Family, maybe I could cut down, but we already don’t buy for each other at Christmas and they’d also continue buying for each other.

As PP said, it isn’t a one off this month. For example last month I had a 30th and a wedding plus my son’s birthday. It’s always a few birthdays but then different ‘one offs’. I guess the only solution is buying cheaper stuff or not buying at all, neither of which really work for me. So I’ll just have to suck it up!

Out of your list I would only do the first two and the friend who’s has a baby (although probably only if first baby).

As for the others

We haven’t done adult presents in my family for years
I don’t buy for friends except “big “ birthdays, and even then only if I am celebrating the birthday with them
I don’t buy for friends’ children, except godchildren.

This isn’t for money reasons. I’m just really not a huge fan of presents, I think the times they are truly something the person wanted are rare. (Backed up by all this talk of present drawers and buying bargains). More often the item goes in a drawer or is regifted. Waste of time money and resources. I’d much rather someone went out for a coffee with me than bought me a present.

Agree with adults not to exchange presents - I guarantee they’ll be pleased. And honestly would it be missed if you didn’t take a present to a kids party? Or do £5 book token.

@LovingLife0 My DB & SIL used to buy birthday presents so we felt obliged to buy back. Birthdays we have come to a just cards agreement and also a kindly thought but not expensive Christmas present.

A good friend & I decided between us - no more presents & that suits us both fine

I don't care about Mother's Day presents and neither does my mother - a nice card and a phone call fine.

For young children I would go cheaper - I used to recycle shamelessly duplicate presents etc which had been bought for DS . Also I remember him getting a few plastic soldiers which a mother had wrapped up ( probably from Asda in those days and she had split up the pack ) and he loved that. ( but he was very young then so children's presents do depend on age )

Does anyone one remember the person who said would a box of Malteser's do ( School party not relatives ) and the resounding answer seemed to be yes.

I would not feel pressurised for work collections - stick something very modest in to join in but make sure they are doing it properly & it is anonymous so no-one knows what you have given but you can sign the card - do not feel you have to spend more than you are comfortable with for a work college.

Present giving is lovely & I like giving presents but not at the cost of your welfare

@Hollyhocksandlarkspur - as a PP said, I wouldn’t use anything that was homemade, particularly not baking kits or toiletries that someone else had made. It’s a nice thought but most of that stuff ends up in the bin!

This is what TK Maxx mega clearance is for
should have name changed as would hate for people to know my (totally open) secret 😂

in the 90s, my mum had a rule about children’s gifts - now more then £5.
i think I get better things on this same exact budget (not inflation adjusted) because I only shop for gifts at TK MAXX clearance.

Thing about gifts is if you resent, don’t give. A gift given through obligation and with resentment is not a real gift in my opinion. It is a grudge waiting to happen.

This is great advice.

I’m a generous gift giver and it does add up. These ideas are still nice (not random charity shop stuff) but perfectly do-able without the cost or cringe.

This is good. I would add, buy cards at The Card Factory (5 for £1) and bulk buy kids’ toys at The Entertainer or on Amazon (can be v cheap).