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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To resent spending so much on presents?

59 replies

LovingLife0 · 07/03/2023 10:31

Every month, I’m spending so much of my disposable income on other people. For example this month I have/will have paid for presents for:
2 friends of my sons (they’re going to their parties) £10 each
2 donations to people going on maternity leave at work £5 each
My brother’s birthday £20
My friend’s daughter’s birthday £10
A friend who’s had a baby £20
Mothers Day £20
A friend’s birthday £15
This comes to £115 and is a normal type of month.

I know I could spend less but I find it hard finding something nice for less than the above. I also really love these people! But it is so much money and selfishly I’d love to buy some new clothes instead of getting bits at charity shops!

AIBU to resent spending this much? How other people manage this sort of spending?

OP posts:

Colourinsidethelines · 07/03/2023 11:58

We were like this and it was getting unmanageable! I’ve stopped buying for my siblings, just their kids. For children’s parties we do £5 in a card. My kids are in reception and y2 so I think that’s fine. I buy cards in Card Factory on the 10 for £1. If you have a large family of group of friends I can easily see how it comes to that much. I have a large family so we mostly only but children now, no adults.

FallonofDynasty · 07/03/2023 12:04

You could reduce the donation to the work colleagues for a start.
Have a word with your friend re getting her dd a birthday present, could you agree to stop this?

Mary46 · 07/03/2023 12:07

Yes op. Endless. I have 6 nieces nephews. Then godkids. Then big ones 18 21 etc. No end to it. Godkids x2 more. Its not a thing end it as sister bought for ours over the years.. thats without friends but we just do cards now. Sick it at times...

RuthW · 07/03/2023 12:14

2 friends of my sons (they’re going to their parties) £10 each
Have a stock of cheap pressies or £5 in a card

2 donations to people going on maternity leave at work £5 each
Cut down to £2/3

My brother’s birthday £20
£10 voucher or stop exchanging

My friend’s daughter’s birthday £10
As kid's friends

A friend who’s had a baby £20
You can get lovely ores for £10

Mothers Day £20
A bunch of daffs £2

A friend’s birthday £15
As brother

WonderingWanda · 07/03/2023 12:15

You can easily spend less

friends of my sons (they’re going to their parties) £10 each £5 Waterstones voucher each
2 donations to people going on maternity leave at work £5 each £2.50 each
My brother’s birthday £20 £10 wine, beer or costa voucher plus card
My friend’s daughter’s birthday £10 £5 waterstones voucher
A friend who’s had a baby £20 £10 flowers or a box of nic biscuits plus a card
Mothers Day £20 £10 flowers and card or chocs and card
A friend’s birthday £15 £10 flowers, wine or chocs plus card
This comes to £115 and is a normal type of month.

This would be £60 leaving you £60 to buy something new. I know it's nice to gift things and be thoughtful but it really is the thought that counts not the expense. Also if you really want to get kids a gift get online and look at The Works.

dottiedodah · 07/03/2023 12:22

We dont buy presents for Adults .Your DB for example probably would be relieved at not having to get a present! Apart from the cost ,its a pain to know what to get everyone . Likewise your chum who has had a baby .Some Daffs or tulips ,a card and something small like an outfit from SB or Asda .A fiver each to colleagues seems a lot .A couple of quid each.Mothers Day is only once a year but I would hate my Adult DC to spend what they cant afford .Im sure your Mum would feel the same .Some nice flowers or Chocs is what most mums like.Probably £5 /£10 .

Overthebloodymoon · 07/03/2023 12:40

Agree with you OP. You could maybe save a little but not too much more than you already are from what I can see. Where we are, people put £15-20 in a card. A £5 voucher would look incredibly tight. Ditto a £2 bunch of daffs. My DM isn’t precious but she’d be right to be insulted by a tiny bunch of flowers that cost half the price of a cup of coffee!
I also have a present cupboard and buy in bulk, offers, 342, Card Factory cards etc. but costs have grown massively over the last few years. You used to be able to get a decent present for £5 in the sales. Now it’s more like £10.

Margo34 · 07/03/2023 12:59

If you resent doing it, then.....don't do it 🤷

Ditch present buying for brothers birthday (assuming he's an adult) and the friends birthday, ditch the donations at work (would they even know if it's in a kitty anyway?), halve the amount on the kid's friends birthdays, get a bunch of supermarket flowers or box of chocs for mother's day, up to £8 or less!

2 friends of my sons (they’re going to their parties) £10 each £5 each
2 donations to people going on maternity leave at work £5 each
My brother’s birthday £20
My friend’s daughter’s birthday £10 £5
A friend who’s had a baby £20
Mothers Day £20 £8 flowers/chocs
A friend’s birthday £15
This comes to £115 and is a normal type of month. £43 total
^^
Alternatively - switch to get gifts from charity shops and new clothes for yourself.

Parky04 · 07/03/2023 13:02

All family and friends have agreed to stop buying presents for each other. It's such a relief!

2bazookas · 07/03/2023 13:03

*This comes to £115 and is a normal type of month.
I know I could spend less but I find it hard finding something nice for less than the above. I also really love these people!"

You invest £115 in buying their love.

IF they really love you, they'd be just as happy with a card.

FourFour · 07/03/2023 13:05

I don't buy for a single adult except my mum and dh. Surely adult gifts are unnecessary? For kids, there's always deals/sales absolutely everywhere. 10 books for £10 is a good one.

cocksstrideintheevening · 07/03/2023 16:45

Also don't do adult presents unless it's a significant birthday. My friends and I stopped when we realised it was pointless giving each other a gift card to just give them a gift card when it was their birthday.

Christmas we do secret Santa amongst the adults that are there on the day, £50 limit so you can get something decent.

My kids are older now so less parties and for their good mates it's £20 in body shop or a primark voucher.

Caspianberg · 07/03/2023 17:02

I just don’t buy half of those

Adults don’t need gifts for birthdays, mothers don’t need donations to have a baby.

children’s friends for party x2 - buy a book/ Lego when on offer/ chocolate A- £5-10 each ( there’s often lego 2 for £15 on offer)

Mother’s Day - bunch of daffodils and make cake or lunch for here

Dont buy anything else - so down to £20-30 instead

tunamayo81 · 07/03/2023 18:10

I spend more than that on gifts/birthdays. I’d give £30-£40 for a birthday. I don’t resent it but then i’m a generous person. Are you being unreasonable? depends how much you earn!

GoodChat · 07/03/2023 18:12

Mother’s Day - bunch of daffodils and make cake or lunch for here

By the time she's bought ingredients for cake or lunch she'll almost be at the £20 mark anyway

SomersetONeil · 07/03/2023 18:14

GoodChat · 07/03/2023 18:12

Mother’s Day - bunch of daffodils and make cake or lunch for here

By the time she's bought ingredients for cake or lunch she'll almost be at the £20 mark anyway

Exactly! Plus the time it takes.

Caspianberg · 07/03/2023 18:17

Well yes, time, that’s what Mother’s Day is supposed to be, not a £20 gift and no time.

Doesnt have to be expensive, I mean surely op is eating dinner/ lunch anyway, so it’s cost of a few more ingredients not an entire meal as her family will be eating anyway. I know if I make a roast for us 3, making it for 4 isn’t another £20.

Samkey · 07/03/2023 18:21

I put money into a sinking fund for Birthdays, Christmas, Mother's/Father's Day which means it is spread out across the year.

2023istheyearigetmyacttogether · 07/03/2023 18:22

I've massively cut back as I was finding I was spending loads each month, generally buying generic presents and then received a load of generic stuff come my own birthday. I did mention this to friends and family in advance so that they didn't feel hard done by and it was a bit odd on my own birthday as, other than my parents & DH, I had no presents but I'd also bought myself my favourite chocolates, a new book and the candle that I really like so I had a lovely day and I things I genuinely liked rather than quite liked or actually disliked

MrsPetty · 07/03/2023 18:26

I buy things all year round when they’re on sale and stick them in my gift cupboard. Generic things … I start buying the presents for DDs friends’ in the January sales.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 07/03/2023 18:31

Friends kids agree with your friends that you won't buy for each others kids. I did this with all my friends and the relief all round was palpable.

General kids party gift have a £5 limit.

Have a gift and bday card box, I bulk buy bday cards from Card warehouse who often do 10 cards for £1.

Places like The Works for cheap books and games.

I gift on books or toys that duplicates or dd doesn't like.

thesnailandthewhale · 07/03/2023 18:33

When ds was little I used to let him open all his Xmas presents and a few weeks later there was always a game/book/toy that hadn't been opened that would then be stashed away in my gift cupboard. He'd had the excitement of opening the parcel but it obviously wasn't going to get use from him so would be rehired ready to be given at a school mates party.

I also pay my council tax over ten months rather than twelve, so feb/March that money would be squirrelled away for Christmas presents.

Hollyhocksandlarkspur · 07/03/2023 18:35

Agree with PP get into homemade gifts: if gardener take cuttings eg fruit bushes, perennials when divide in spring, grow seeds, store seed in envelopes in autumn. I often give bunch of flowers from garden. Lots of bought bouquets make great use of foliage from trees, shrubs and just a few flowery stems. Wrap in recycled paper/newspaper. Or make home made brownies, muffins, biscuits, cheese scones, make jars of homemade mix ready to add liquids and bake, package with reused ribbon and label. Make own homemade bathsalts, foot soak, bath oil, room freshener, lip balm, beeswax wraps. Or give lovely photo that has meaning. Homemade art if good at painting. Or treat voucher if you can afford time, eg babysit, skill offer, lift after holiday from airport/station, help with decorating etc. Have reduced our gift budget to about a quarter.

Plaidparty · 07/03/2023 18:42

Around here the going rate for kids birthdays is £10-£15. A £1 book (which the kid has probably got) would look incredibly tight. As a parent I’d prefer just a card tbh.

Also, sorry to be that person but I would absolutely hate a homemade gift from someone other than my child. I’d bin homemade foot soak or beeswax. Unless you are making loads most of the time the ingredients cost more than a £10 and I’m
sure most people would prefer the £10.

RobinRobinMouse · 07/03/2023 18:46

£10 seems quite generous for children's parties, I'd usually spend about £5. Can you reduce all gifts by a little bit so that the overall burden is lower?

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