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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it me being too sensitive?

27 replies

KeysUnlocked · 06/03/2023 21:42

I'm really confused and cannot find any advice anywhere :(

Myself and a snr manager have not gotten on for a while now, mainly because he's a pr!ck (!) but generally because he seems to have gotten off on belittling and humiliating me since I started back last year 😔

Anyway, I usually stay in the office until gone 5pm when there is little staff, usually him and some of the other men... he will then make crude comments, as an example, he had asked when the next staff party was as he "needed to smell some wet pussy..." 😨and this was in front of my younger colleagues (20-250, he is 42 😑

Usually, these type of comments would not phase me as I am the LEAST prude person, but lately, and since I was sexually assaulted back just over a year ago, the things he is saying are really agonising me if I'm honest :(

Another thing he came out with just a cpl weeks ago - "...I had some wet pussy this morning, but then realised she was on her period..." 😡

He is a Senior and has a longer-standing employment with the business than me, therefore what are my options here, if any? I feel like I have no option, as I will not be taken seriously if I bring up the fact these comments are concerning me? :(

What would you guys do? x

OP posts:
SilverSprite · 06/03/2023 21:46

HR? It sounds horrible.

Coffeellama · 06/03/2023 21:47

Report him to HR and stop staying in the office past 5pm

Mydogmylife · 06/03/2023 21:49

Straight to HR. Don’t stay late in the office with him . These comments are totally gross

RunTowardsTheLight · 06/03/2023 21:50

Wtf? That is totally unacceptable.

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/03/2023 21:50

Wtf? HR.

You could take them to the cleaners if they don’t respond appropriately.

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/03/2023 21:51

Oh and email the HR person, list every single comment and incident - start a ‘paper trail’ they can’t erase.

amoobaa · 06/03/2023 21:51

I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this disgusting behaviour. Straight to HR. Document everything. Hope it gets dealt with instantly and he stops being a problem.

Original poster
KeysUnlocked · 06/03/2023 21:54

Thanks all Daffodil

Unfortunately sometimes I have to stay a little later as I am one of the Managers too, but there are always other staff around; God I've made a note to myself to never, ever stay, alone, with him Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
KeysUnlocked · 06/03/2023 21:56

It's such a difficult one, as our HR isn't a very 'formal' one if that makes sense?! The HR girls are very close to all members of snr management, maybe I'm wrong but I just feel they may take his side on this Sad

Other staff have audibly witnessed his comments but not sure whether they'd be prepared to get involved and confirm this Sad

OP posts:
slightlysnippy · 06/03/2023 21:57

I'm a senior manager in a large organisation and I'd advice going to HR immediately.

Doesn't say much for the other men in your work if they don't pick him up on this.

I'd also be asking for another manager if that's possible.

bhiffandcip · 06/03/2023 21:58

Keep a diary.

Report to HR.

Original poster
KeysUnlocked · 06/03/2023 21:58

slightlysnippy · 06/03/2023 21:57

I'm a senior manager in a large organisation and I'd advice going to HR immediately.

Doesn't say much for the other men in your work if they don't pick him up on this.

I'd also be asking for another manager if that's possible.

A few of my colleagues have said this about the other guys, but I think they're probably just too afraid to confront him on it as he is their manager 😔

OP posts:
Womencanlift · 06/03/2023 22:00

It’s very likely illegal, in fact I know it is but I would be so tempted to record him especially if he does it on a frequent basis and and send the recordings to HR

Its 2023 for god sake and women still have to put up with this crap

MunchMonster · 06/03/2023 22:01

Other people may have already contacted HR so you may just be reinforcing what has already been said

Merangutan · 06/03/2023 22:02

God, that’s genuinely revolting. Take it high - it’s the most unprofessional thing I’ve heard on here.

GoldDuster · 06/03/2023 22:06

Make a note of what he says and when and take it to HR. Next time he does it, stand up, get your coat on and leave.

This has nothing to do with women being prudes, and everything to do with this man not being able to control himself in public.

Original poster
KeysUnlocked · 06/03/2023 22:11

Would they just see it as my word against his though? Confused

OP posts:
bhiffandcip · 06/03/2023 22:11

Not if you keep a record Flowers

JMSA · 06/03/2023 22:13

What a disgusting creep. Hope you're ok, OP Flowers

Original poster
KeysUnlocked · 06/03/2023 22:20

Thank you guys 🙏 Yeah, I'm ok, but because of the business dynamic, I just don't feel I would be listened to/taken seriously Sad

OP posts:
Turnipworkharder · 06/03/2023 22:23

If someone filmed him saying these things, that would be evidence.
and if it was ' leaked ' online.

slightlysnippy · 06/03/2023 22:43

KeysUnlocked · 06/03/2023 22:20

Thank you guys 🙏 Yeah, I'm ok, but because of the business dynamic, I just don't feel I would be listened to/taken seriously Sad

It sounds like a toxic workplace,
Is it a small company? I would say HR should have processes to deal with this without impacting you negatively, but my SIL works in a company with a horrific HR department, so appreciate not all companies are the same.

stbrandonsboat · 06/03/2023 22:48

Record him.

Tinkerbyebye · 06/03/2023 22:49

I would subtly record the comments on my phone, as well as writing down what he says, when and who is there

then I would make a complaint to HR, and if it goes nowhere direct to senior management

its completely unacceptable

DrManhattan · 06/03/2023 22:50

Record him on your phone. It's not illegal