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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To elope under these circumstances?

41 replies

springismything · 06/03/2023 16:01

Pondering elopement, just don’t want to regret it.

DP doesn’t have much in the way of family. His parents are not together and live in another country, they had him as teenagers. No cousins and no siblings. He has his lovely grandparents who are in their 70s and we see them often and get on extremely well - thankfully.

Unfortunately my only DSis is manipulative and has bullied me for most my life and makes her contempt for DP very clear. On my side it leaves my parents, a couple of aunts and uncles and cousins.

We probably have 3 friends each that we like enough to invite as well as their plus ones/kids.

It’s a really small handful of people, probably at a push 25 in total. Feels really embarrassing!

Around me it seems eloping is just not a thing people do, especially not people our age (20s). I don’t want to regret not having the standard wedding day and pictures to go along with it. You only get one wedding day hopefully! but on the other hand I can’t imagine shelling out so much money on one day. The cost makes me shudder. We’ve been toying with the idea of marrying really cheaply at the local registry office then going to stay somewhere nice in the UK, followed by a honeymoon possibly abroad.

DPs only reservation is that neither his uncle or mum ever married so his lovely grandma possibly won’t get the opportunity to go to a proper family wedding if not ours

Would love to hear stories of people doing similar.

YABU - you would regret it forever

YANBU - sensible

OP posts:
CrotchetyCrocheting · 06/03/2023 16:06

We eloped 10 years ago now, I was in my 20s. For me it was a no brainer. My parents weren't very nice to me growing up to put it nicely and I wouldn't have wanted them at my wedding but having a big wedding and not inviting them would have felt strange. The biggest thing of all though was that I never wanted a big wedding, never saw myself in a traditional dress, never imagined my wedding day etc so I just knew that eloping was the only way I was going to get married, there was no question in my mind of anything else. Thankfully dh had no desire to have any sort of wedding either so was fully on board with it. We got married in a registry office in Gibraltar in the end because it's super easy to elope there with 2 witnesses that we pulled off the street. I've never felt an ounce of regret over how we did it.

DustyLee123 · 06/03/2023 16:08

You should do what you want to do.
How about a wedding abroad, then it’s up to them if they want to pay to be there.

JorisBonson · 06/03/2023 16:10

Do it OP. We're a big older than you (I was 35 when I got married) but covid have us the best excuse. It was the best day ever and I couldn't have told you if there were 3 people there or 3,000, I was just so wrapped up in it all.

Hadalifeonce · 06/03/2023 16:13

We had a small wedding, 11in total. Local register office and a meal. We did have a photographer, everybody loved it as it was intimate and everyone got to mix with everyone else. It was much less stressful to arrange, and obviously cheaper that a 'grand' affair.

CinnamonsWake · 06/03/2023 16:14

You should do what you and your partner want and try not to worry about others as it’s impossible to please everyone with a wedding!

You can still have the lovely photos if you elope! Or there are lots of hotels that do ‘intimate wedding’ packages if you want something small

Dixiechickonhols · 06/03/2023 16:14

A small wedding is fine if you did want one and invite the people you like. Eg ceremony and nice meal after.
Or just do ceremony and have his grandparents as your witnesses.

MayhemMostly · 06/03/2023 16:15

Small registers office wedding, for you both, the grandparents and your parents . Swanky meal out afterwards . Bliss .

motherofcatsandbears · 06/03/2023 16:17

Go for it, and take his DGPs as your witnesses. You can always have a small party afterwards. I hope all goes well and don’t let family bully you into what they want x

Mialouu · 06/03/2023 16:18

We done Gretna Green, wouldnt change it. Got a family member who often complains they were not a part of it, but hey ho it was our wedding and not theirs!

SleepingisanArt · 06/03/2023 16:19

We had small registry office weddings (30 people including bride and groom). Had a lovely lunch in a local hotel where most of the guests were staying. It was lovely as we knew everyone at the wedding and didn't spend most of the day trying to say hello to many many people! Also didn't cost too much either....

Skiphopbump · 06/03/2023 16:20

DH and I eloped in our early 30s , it suited us well and neither of us has regrets. We are both shy and the thought of either of us being the centre of attention didn’t appeal.

A friend had a registry office wedding and a buffet at a pub afterwards. It was only small and cheap but a much lovelier day than most of the big weddings I’ve been too.

Mortimercat · 06/03/2023 16:29

I honestly don’t see that you have any reason to elope and thereby exclude the relatives and friends that you do have. A small wedding with your 25 closest sounds like a good idea. It wouldn’t be hugely expensive with a guest list o that size, well not unless you book the Dorchester or some thing. A registry office service and then whatever you want afterwards, a private dining room, perhaps a function room for a meal in a hotel.

Die to family issues, we considered eloping, but I am glad that we didn’t, but we had a very small wedding, just eight people there including us. I still do the dress, cake and photographer. We booked a very nice private dining room in a posh restaurant for our wedding dinner.

RedToothBrush · 06/03/2023 16:39

We married abroad because DHs parents are insufferable, I have anxiety and the thought of planning a big day and keeping everyone else happy was my idea of hell.

We did want we wanted. I don't regret it for a second. Do what's right for you.

QforCucumber · 06/03/2023 16:40

We did it, absolutely no regrets at all - however, it was exactly what we wanted. We started planning the big wedding and it just wasn't suiting us so we booked a holiday and got married while we were there. I still wore the dress I wanted, DH still in a suit - I walked alone down an aisle of sorts.

It was absolutely perfect and completely us, everyone says so. We had a celebration with friends a week after we came home. I don't regret a single thing about it.

Sugaspunsista · 06/03/2023 16:44

Forc all the people who eloped... did you still have to give notice to marry? And have an interview?

drpet49 · 06/03/2023 16:46

Mortimercat · 06/03/2023 16:29

I honestly don’t see that you have any reason to elope and thereby exclude the relatives and friends that you do have. A small wedding with your 25 closest sounds like a good idea. It wouldn’t be hugely expensive with a guest list o that size, well not unless you book the Dorchester or some thing. A registry office service and then whatever you want afterwards, a private dining room, perhaps a function room for a meal in a hotel.

Die to family issues, we considered eloping, but I am glad that we didn’t, but we had a very small wedding, just eight people there including us. I still do the dress, cake and photographer. We booked a very nice private dining room in a posh restaurant for our wedding dinner.

This. Have a nice, small wedding here.

MunchMonster · 06/03/2023 16:47

It’s a really small handful of people, probably at a push 25 in total. Feels really embarrassing!

Embarrassing to who? You are only going to have the people there that you want. And then it won't be eye watering expensive either.

Oddbobbyboo · 06/03/2023 16:49

We got married in a hotel at 12pm, did a sit down lunch and drinks and then left for honeymoon. Had about 40 guests x

It was lovely, intimate and cost effective x

AuntieMarys · 06/03/2023 16:51

Just the 2 of us at our wedding and a random witness. Just what we wanted

HelpIcantfindaname · 06/03/2023 17:01

My daughter eloped just before Covid.
They married at Gretna Green, & took their best friends plus partners, so 8 people altogether.
She still had the big white dress & their friends took lots of pics.
They weren't going to tell anyone else till they came back, but she couldn't resist letting me in on the secret so I could go to her final dress fitting.
They did have a party a few weeks later, & we took them for a photo shoot as my hubby is a photographer.
I've been married 3 times - 1st was a big church wedding.
Second was in a registry office, with a buffet in the church hall afterwards & the guests helped us clear up. Then an evening party.
The last one was in a registry office - just me, hubby & DD14 plus DSS16 as witnesses. We went for a meal. But when we got home my grown up kids & grandkids had decorated our house, bought a cake & a ton of pizzas & champagne. It was really low key & the best wedding by far.
The last one was also the cheapest. You don't have to spend a fortune to make a wonderful day with just what you & your partner want in it.

Upsidebrown · 06/03/2023 17:03

We eloped 10 years ago in our early 20s. Best, most fun day of my life. Its a hugely personal decision, but I have 0 regrets and had no wedding debt - whole thing done and dusted on a holiday, which made it even better!

Original poster
springismything · 06/03/2023 17:20

@HelpIcantfindaname that sounds fantastic!

OP posts:
fastandthecurious1 · 06/03/2023 17:31

I eloped 6 months ago and it was the most stress free great 2 /3 days ever just about us and no one else for a very lovely change!

Original poster
springismything · 06/03/2023 17:32

Thank you all- like the meal idea!

OP posts:
Original poster
springismything · 06/03/2023 17:32

@fastandthecurious1 where did you elope to?

OP posts: