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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend owes me money

37 replies

Ramunea · 05/03/2023 17:56

Just after new years, my friend and I decided we wanted to get tickets for a show that was happening this summer. The plan was for her (and another friend of hers) to send me money that day and we would buy the tickets.aid for all 3 tickets and when I sent invoices to both; My friend said she would pay me the following week on Friday, and her friend (who I don’t know) said that she would be able to pay me later on that week. I was a little annoyed as originally the plan was for all to send money to the other friend and she would pay; however as I didn’t know her; I agreed that everyone should send to me instead and everyone pay me instead.

Fast forward in the week and my friends friend pays me her portion of the money, so now it’s just my friend left to pay. Friday comes and I d didn’t hear from her. The weekend came and then the following Monday and I still hadn’t heard from my friend so prompted her with the price and my account details. She then replied with; she wouldn’t be able to pay as something has come up and if I would be able to wait until the following month. I said no as I needed the money totalled up (as I paid for) as opposed to dribs and drabs. Friend said she understood and would pay me soon. The next few weeks passed and still no payment.

The following month is approaching and friend mentioned to me that her payday is the last day of the month. Payday comes and again I hear and see nothing. First week into the month passed and I hear nothing, so I calmly prompt friend with the price and ask her to make payment to x account. Friend then replies that something has come up and would I mind if she gives me £x amount instead of £xxx amount. I’ve said no as again; I need the money to pay my own bills, and I can’t do that when it comes in dribs and drabs so I need the total money. Friend then goes into she has been having some difficulties (which I get however friend is single, working full time and living in social housing which I know she receives extra money to help pay, and no bills except travel and phone bill. I am a single parent, working full time with car payments, expenses, bills that I need to keep on top of). Would I be unreasonable to sell the ticket if she has not paid within the next few days?

it seems harsh but I think it’s the principle that really irks me. Also friend is notoriously known for her wild and bad spending habits; hence why I have never loaned her money or given money in the past and is often borrowing from everyone. I have told friend I need the money as money is tight but I believe she feels her problems are worst that mine and that’s what really annoys me.

YABU - Don’t sell the ticket and wait for your friend to pay you back. Even if it never happens.

YANBU - Sell the ticket and ditch the friend.

OP posts:
itsthefinalcountdown1 · 05/03/2023 18:00

You should sell the ticket and next time, get the money upfront before buying anything for anyone. I think you know this though.

MyPurpleHeart · 05/03/2023 18:01

Sell the ticket. Friend is taking the piss.

Original poster
Ramunea · 05/03/2023 18:01

@itsthefinalcountdown1 Thanks for your input. And your right I know this; first and last time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ramunea · 05/03/2023 18:03

@MyPurpleHeart Thank you. I think so too. Last month friends excuse was that something unexpected came up. Now this month the excuse is her grandmother is sick and she bought something for her. Which I feel for her; but I feel even more annoyed she done so with my money she knows she owes me and now again doesn’t have it when I’ve asked for it.

OP posts:
itsthefinalcountdown1 · 05/03/2023 18:04

I have a friend who will always pay back in about a month, but refuses to save up a little bit in a bank account to be able to pay upfront in future, even though she will spend money left right and centre on hair and nails, clothes and rubbish.

I just say I can't afford to sub her and unfortunately then she ends up missing out. It's not my problem anymore.

StupidCupidKeepsOnCallinMe · 05/03/2023 18:04

Yes 100% sell the ticket. Your friend obviously can't afford to go and that isn't going to change. She doesn't sound like much of a friend either, surely if she really wanted to she could have paid some of it to you at least. Sounds like she's in serious trouble financially and the only way forward is for you to sell.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 05/03/2023 18:05

YANBU to sell the ticket
It would have been better not to buy the tickets until the money was paid, but if she's genuinely struggling she should never have said she'd pay you "on the same day"

AffIt · 05/03/2023 18:05

Also friend is notoriously known for her wild and bad spending habits

Well, there you go, OP: you've given her fair warning, but if you're now struggling financially, that time has come and gone and you should sell the tickets, tell the (soon to be ex) friend why and consider this a lesson hard learned - never lend what you can't afford to give.

ZekeZeke · 05/03/2023 18:06

Pick up the phone. Tell her unless you have the money today at x time you are selling the ticket.

GoodChat · 05/03/2023 18:10

ZekeZeke · 05/03/2023 18:06

Pick up the phone. Tell her unless you have the money today at x time you are selling the ticket.

Yeah just give her an hour to send the money. If she can't afford it that's her lookout.

MamOfFive · 05/03/2023 18:11

Tell her she has till the end of today to pay it, otherwise you'll sell the ticket.

Original poster
Ramunea · 05/03/2023 18:13

@itsthefinalcountdown1 This is what I mean. I’m quite low key and savvy as I need to be. I do my own hair and nails and save where I can. Friend splash’s out monthly on new clothes, hair, nails and the works. It doesn’t bother me as that’s obviously what she likes and I respect that. But I’ve mentioned to her previously about not spending money she doesn’t have.

When we found out dates for this show; I told her I wanted us to go to to ensure we both saved money for the tickets. The dates came out, and on impulse and excitement I bought the tickets with the agreement that she would pay me back - even if she couldn’t that day; fine, but weeks and now over a month later, I feel very annoyed as realistically I feel if she couldn’t afford to go; she should have said no and I would have found someone else who wanted to go and could afford to buy the tickets. This show has happened annually for the past few years and I have never been able to attend simply as money was always so tight so I had to miss it. I’m annoyed that she was certain she would be there and attend if she knew she had no money for it and now is expecting me to feel sympathy to that.

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 05/03/2023 18:13

Sell the ticket - hopefully you can make a small profit
Don't bother telling her
If you sell at a loss, accept the next offer of part payment she makes & recoup the loss.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/03/2023 18:14

Sounds like she's in serious trouble financially and the only way forward is for you to sell.

Yes, I think the 'something' that keeps 'coming up' may just be her everyday bills and expenses: the basic ones and also the luxuries that she isn't willing to give up or reconsider.

If you want to keep her as a friend, there's no need to be confrontational about it, much as she deserves that; just put the ball back in her court. Tell her that you're struggling a lot, with still not having the money back that you'd expected, so you DO have to get it back now. Ask if she can give you the money by an absolute deadline of [date - maybe a week?] or, if not, say you will need to find somebody else who can pay for THE ticket (don't refer to it as HER ticket).

She can hardly call you the meanie for needing your money back to meet your bills, when she clearly needs (or wants) her own money to meet her expenses (whatever they may be).

It might be awkward with just you and the friend whom you don't know, but you don't need to pretend to be her best buddy. If she weren't sitting in the seat next to you, it would just be another stranger there. You never know: you might find you have a lot in common and strike up quite a friendship in case you now have a vacancy for a new friend; at least you know she pays her bills promptly!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/03/2023 18:17

It's sad that her gran is sick (assuming that's true), but the kindest thing she could have given her was to spend some time with her, maybe some housework or other help - all free. No need at all to give her additional material gifts that she simply can't afford.

Danikm151 · 05/03/2023 18:18

If you had accepted the amount in 2 parts you would have been paid back by now

GoodChat · 05/03/2023 18:19

Danikm151 · 05/03/2023 18:18

If you had accepted the amount in 2 parts you would have been paid back by now

If the friend had saved half last month and half this month she'd have paid what she owed.

Original poster
Ramunea · 05/03/2023 18:20

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll
From what I know of her grandmother, she had the common cold and was hospitalised for a few hours. But has since been released and when I’ve asked friend of how her grandmother is doing - she has said fine and is back to normal. So this is true; however is not the reason why I believe she doesn’t have the money. I just think it was the excuse for this month.

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/03/2023 18:21

If you had accepted the amount in 2 parts you would have been paid back by now

Not necessarily. She might have made a promise that she couldn't/wouldn't keep, to placate OP; or she might have been one of these people who figures that they only need to make a 'contribution', rather than paying in full what they owe, and so made one of the two payments and considered that all done and settled.

sonjadog · 05/03/2023 18:24

Her grandmother being sick is just an excuse. Being sick does not require giving someone a present.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 05/03/2023 18:27

Hmm, so the fact that her grandmother was ill was true, then, but was it also true that she gave her a (quite expensive-sounding) gift, using the money that she owes to you to pay for it?

It sounds a bit in her mind that she's linked 'ill gran' with 'excuse not to pay' and made that into an equation in her head, without even trying to justify why there should be any causal link between the two, as there would have been, say, if she'd had to cancel a meet-up with you because she needed to visit her gran.

SchoolTripDrama · 05/03/2023 18:45

Have you messaged her OP? I'd give her tonight to pay. If no payment by morning then you're selling it

soboredoflooking · 05/03/2023 18:46

Tell her Ul need to sell it then. Might prompt her to pay!

MissingMoominMamma · 05/03/2023 18:50

Tbf, you said you got excited and bought the tickets on impulse when they were released instead of re-checking.

Original poster
Ramunea · 05/03/2023 18:55

@MissingMoominMamma
No i definately checked. The dates came out and about a day or two before the release dates I checked with my friend the arrangements. She said we can all send the money to her friend she her friend will pay. I haven’t met that friend so I said I wanted everyone to send the money to me instead.

A few hours before release she then mentioned that she wanted her friend to buy the tickets as her friend was going to pay for hers also; however I said I wanted to buy the tickets and instead they can both pay me (as I assumed the friends friend who was originally going to pay had the money - otherwise how else would she have been buying two ticket), so I said instead of my friend paying her friend the money she can pay me.

then I paid for the tickets and sent details of my account details and amount and then friend’s friend asked if she could pay later on that week (which I found a little strange as originally she was going to buy 2 tickets with her own money until I changed the plan) however I was lenient and said ok. She paid a few days later and my friend still didn’t pay me.

OP posts: