To think you should be able to remove parental responsibility from someone

[Slavviey]

Legally in England this can only happen under very rare circumstances:

1. Abuse (high threshold)
2. Adoption
3. Withholding medical treatment

Say your average deadbeat dad (I’m going to use dad here because 99% of the time it’s the dad but yes will accept there are deadbeat mothers) - never sees his child, never pays any money towards their upbringing, no input into their lives at all, yet still had the legal right to have a say in their schooling/medical treatment etc etc.

I do not know where DDs father is. He does not pay anything towards her (nearly 6k in arrears with CMS). He hasn’t spoken to her in three years. Yet if I dropped down dead today, he would have every right to claim her.

AIBU to think that if the father is in agreement (I’m sure he would be as it would get CMS off his back) the mother should be able to apply for removal of parental responsibility?

Valid point OP. I'd prefer the courts to be able to take action that would force a deadbeat dad to take his responsibility. Take away a passport or better still a driving licence as a sanction, I think that would be effective.

Won't happen because until last year we had a deadbeat dad as Prime Minister.

I agree op. It is the most sinister set up.

Wouldn't that be a way for absent parents to get out of paying child maintenance (even more than they do at the moment)?

There’s a high threshold for a reason - it’s a serious thing to remove parental responsibility and potentially open to abuse. Why would you want parental responsibility removed when presumably he doesn’t exercise those rights, what difference would it make?

But how would he object or input in reality if he has no involvement?

its effectively void anyway

I don’t worry about my daughter’s father having PR because he’d have to go to court to do anything anyway which he won’t

Yet if I dropped down dead today, he would have every right to claim her.

He wouldn't necessarily get her if she had a proven stronger relationship with a step-parent, aunt or other relation around your age especially if she was over 11.

I know personally of cases like this but you can also dig them out yourself.

Exactly.

I totally agree. I know it’s a parenting site so obviously there are lots of posts about dead beat/violent/abusive dads, but I cannot fathom why the courts can’t just say ‘You’re not fit to be a parent’ when he’s beat up the mother of his child. I know only get the mother’s pov, but my word, some of the stories make your hair stand on end, yet the abusive aggressive parent still has access etc despite years of domestic violence etc.

Anyone can make such a claim at court PR or not
you should put your wishes down legally and that’s all you can do

Unless you’re a proven direct risk of harm to the child then the child’s right to a relationship with both parents is the cout’s priority

even my child’s stepfather has a chance at custody he’s applied for even though I’ve been to the police about him over his abuse towards me

but I cannot fathom why the courts can’t just say ‘You’re not fit to be a parent’ when he’s beat up the mother of his child.

Because it would be as equally easy for an abusive partner to say that his ex-partner has significant mental health issues or is an unfit parent in a multitude of other ways. The measures you’d want in place would be open to both parents, and courts don’t always have the best understanding of domestic abuse.

At least he would want her! My ex said if I die he wouldn’t have the kids so I better not die apparently 🙄 my
kids would go into care.
I do think after a certain amount of time absent their PR should not be valid anymore but for other situations like changing a child’s name or going on holiday

Chance CPS !! They should be taking payments straight out of his wage packet before he gets paid it

Fraught with difficulty.

I could never imagine (sarcasm) any of these low life's, for example, threatening or using violence in order to coerce their partners to sign off on them escaping maintainence payments etc....

Is there no one you know who would step up and have her?

you can then name them on a legal document expressing your wishes for the court to consider should you die

this is what I’m doing with my friend

*them

Chase not chance

How can he claim custody?! That’s mad! But even if the parent is a risk to the child, they still get awarded custody/contact, I hear about it all the time on here and via my DH’s job. It just amazes me.

No I have 4 children, there is no one that could/ would have them.

yes it’s been horrible
cafcass have identified him as a risk but the family courts wants proof what I’ve said is true

he’s trying to put me through hell and did for two months

police took video statement from me early January but nothing had happened

I think there should be an option to remove PR if a parent abandons their child e.g. refuses to have contact with their child for a certain length of time (not sure what the minimum should be but say a year) because it stops the parent that actually cares for the children being able to take them on holiday for instance because technically they need permission of the other parent but can't get it if the other parent has buggered off and refuses contact.

Took ages for me to get sole custody, all the shit my ex did to control and disturb our lives didn't mean much until he refused medical care for DD, that was the factor that pushed the court to grant it.

For sure, but when you see some cases, it’s pretty cut and dried that the abusive parent really ought not to have contact. I completely empathise that a child absolutely has the right to a relationship but at what point do we say enough is enough, this parent is extremely violent and shouldn’t have charge of a child? (Rhetorical question!)

But dads like this are unlikely to step up if the mother dies and even if they are forced to look after the child, the child might be picked up by SS.
Assuming the mother has a family and friends will keep an eye on the child and report any issues. There is also the possibility of a guardianship order or similar. Additionally, a deadbeat dad might be pleased for someone else to raise the child.
I think people should choose who they procreate with and be more selective about it than look for the state to sort out their bad decisions.
If he has custody he's either been proven by DNA (why?) or went to register the birth (Again why if he's a shit) or you've gone so far with him that you married him.
I think some people just shouldn't have children but they go off and keep having more and more children into miserable circumstances and utterly inept parents but most of you would be outraged if state sponsored forced sterilisation was to go ahead.

Pursue with the police, put in a complaint if necessary. Sometimes the workload is huge, but in your case, you need action. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. 😥

Yes, I have a letter of wishes to say who I would like DS to go to as I didn't want him shipped off to an abusive father he hardly remembers. He's legally old enough to live alone now so can decide for himself but it gave me some peace of mind when he was younger.