To think you should be able to remove parental responsibility from someone

[Slavviey]

Legally in England this can only happen under very rare circumstances:

1. Abuse (high threshold)
2. Adoption
3. Withholding medical treatment

Say your average deadbeat dad (I’m going to use dad here because 99% of the time it’s the dad but yes will accept there are deadbeat mothers) - never sees his child, never pays any money towards their upbringing, no input into their lives at all, yet still had the legal right to have a say in their schooling/medical treatment etc etc.

I do not know where DDs father is. He does not pay anything towards her (nearly 6k in arrears with CMS). He hasn’t spoken to her in three years. Yet if I dropped down dead today, he would have every right to claim her.

AIBU to think that if the father is in agreement (I’m sure he would be as it would get CMS off his back) the mother should be able to apply for removal of parental responsibility?

I completely empathise that a child absolutely has the right to a relationship but at what point do we say enough is enough, this parent is extremely violent and shouldn’t have charge of a child? (Rhetorical question!)

Thats the point at which social services step in - the threshold is very high indeed - but they can insist on supervised contact in some circumstances.

Thank you so much

I’ve made a few posts on here with different names

some got large responses

one day when this is over I’ll let engine know what happened

i reported coercive control and sexual abuse
no rape but coercion

next my daughter does a video interview to see what he May have done to her

he hired a super expensive solicitor and filed a c100

I’ve been through hell
I kept going

Everyone
not engine

Wow you have no idea do you!!

These dead beats aren’t nasty when women meet them… they often play the long game, being the best partner in the world for sometimes years… often the abuse only starts once you’re pregnant and in their view they then have a hold over you forever! Using the child as a way to control and manipulate long after the relationship is over

It's a slippery slope because then who becomes the arbiter as to who should or should not have parental rights?

It's unfortunate that some women had a child or children with unhelpful or unattached or uninterested men. Nature has decided that women disproportionately bear responsibility of bringing life into the world, consequently it's women's duty to apply a filter system in order to source a suitable partner and if a poor quality man gets through that filter deal with the consequences.

But no I don't think state should be able to freely remove parental rights. I do, however, think men and /or women should have the option of giving up their parental rights. Say they never wanted children in first place but have no choice or input into termination.

I do, however, think men and /or women should have the option of giving up their parental rights. Say they never wanted children in first place but have no choice or input into termination.

@CantStopWontStop0 parents don't have rights they have responsibilities to their child.

The state doesn't want to remove those responsibilities or allow parents to give them up easily because the state is a very poor parent. Also someone having PR means the child will hopefully have other relations who can step up if one or both parents can't (or won't) for any reason.

Semantics tbh.

But parents do have rights looking at word through the alternate definitions.

My eldests father has PR and hasn't seen her in 10 years. Realistically if anything happened to me, she's old enough to say what are you talking about, I don't know that man, I want to live with my Nan. No one would force her to go there.
Your mum or whoever else would just assume care of your child then just get legal advice and apply to court for an Order to keep your child in their care. Given that dad has been off the scene long term and has no relationship, v v v unlikely child would go there.

All mothers that post here are perfect mothers that moan about deadbeat fathers. I suspect there are a lot of lies and exaggerations.

This site is called MN so more women will post on it then men.

There is also a greater social stigma against women walking away or losing being the main carer of their children, than men. I've seen threads deleted on here because a mother is unhappy with posters telling her she is out of order when it is clear why the latter has happened.

Finally every poster who posts on a thread is self selecting. So you won't get mothers who are having issues with SS over their parenting, walked away from their children, etc posting on this thread.

YABU. Perhaps if people put more thought into who they procreate with this wouldn’t be such an issue.

YADNBU.

”D”H fucked off when I was pregnant. Automatically has PR as we were married when she was born. Has never met her. Has spent 8 years dodging CMS and owes in excess of £15,000. Descended into addiction after he left.

Decimated my MH for the last 3 months of my pregnancy and the first few months of DDs life.

Yet at any point, he can apply to court for contact and would get it - despite being entirely absent thus far and being a seriously chaotic addict for the last 6 years. Could stop me from moving to another part of the UK or abroad. Could stop me taking her on holiday abroad.

If I died, he would automatically get residency despite him being a stranger, despite what my will says, despite the fact I have three friends who would happily raise her in my absence, are financially and mentally stable, who I’ve known for 20+ years. She would lose all contact with her sisters. This keeps me up at night.

Ah here we go, another smug, naive dickhead preening over her excellent choices in men as she peers into her crystal ball.

Hope your DH is dicking his colleagues behind your back, you’d deserve it for this attitude.

@EmptyPlaces it isn't automatic he would have to fight for it.

Plus the older she gets, so starts being listened to, the harder it is for him if he just turns up.

My child’s father had his PR taken away in court (we were one of the extreme cases where this happens).

As far as I’m aware, this doesn’t mean they no longer have to pay maintenance. At the time the court hearings were happening, I was getting £5 a week (yay 🙄) through the CSA, and then I got a letter saying I needed to change over to CMA and I thought actually, I’d rather not bother, because I never want him to be able to contact my child in future and say he’d paid for her every week. I’d rather lose the 5 quid. Anyway, my point is, I don’t think having PR stripped away means the end of financial responsibility, that was certainly never mentioned to me and as far as I know, if I wanted to start a claim now I could.

It would make no sense from a cost perspective. Those types of trials would be hugely costly for the taxpayer and very fraught. It's open to all sorts of abusive and there would be so many grudge matches. Write a will and explain your wishes. If you appoint a guardian who has a good relationship with your child, the chances of the father getting custody are almost nil if he hasn't been involved for years.

I think that is extremely rare to be truly perfect and then change. Abuse does ramp up once you're pregnant but there would have always been signs before and red flags ignored. I think too many women have sex too soon, move in too soon, blend families and introduce children too soon and just overlook too many red flags through out.