Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have my DD look after DS

45 replies

EggOnToast3 · 05/03/2023 12:35

I have DD16 and DS9. DS9 sees his Dad 5 days a month. I see friends / plan things for those days. Occasionally something falls on an evening when I have DS so I will ask DD to look after him, although this doesn't happen often.

I don't have a good relationship with DS' Dad and communication is kept to a minimum.

This week it was my friends birthday and she had planned a meal. It was a week night so I had DS. I asked DD to sit. I left at 7, she put him to bed at the usual time and then I was home at 11. DS was asleep.

DS has just returned from his Dad's and has told me that his Dad is furious that I left DS in DD's care and he will be having serious words next time he sees me. DS had told his Dad that his sister had told him off once for having to be asked to brush his teeth repeatedly.

I've asked family and they all say that it was fine to leave DD babysitting but would be interested to hear what others think as DS's Dad seems to be incredibly angry about it!

OP posts:
Original poster
EggOnToast3 · 05/03/2023 12:37

Sorry, I should have added that DD isn't my ex's child.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 05/03/2023 12:38

Maybe if his dad was a decent dad you wouldn't have to let her babysit. Tell him to piss off.

Aprilx · 05/03/2023 12:39

It is fine to have a 16 year old babysit her brother.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 05/03/2023 12:40

Would your ex have preferred you employ a strange 16 year old to babysit?
He's being a knob and making a fuss for the sake of it.

MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco · 05/03/2023 12:40

Of course it was fine, she could be babysitting other people's children for money, so a couple of hours with her brother if she doesn't mind is fine. Your ex is just being a controlling knob, ignore him.

NuffSaidSam · 05/03/2023 12:40

It's fine. 16 is a perfectly reasonable age to be doing evening babysitting.

DevantMaJardin · 05/03/2023 12:40

Sounds fine to me. She sounds responsible and sensible making sure he brushed his teeth and not taking any crap from him about it.

minmooch · 05/03/2023 12:40

Absolutely fine for a 16 year old to babysit a 9 year old.

Your ex is being a dick.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 05/03/2023 12:40

16 year olds are generally fine to babysit.
Weird reaction that is likely about his feelings about you going out rather than whether your dd is a suitable babysitter.

Smartiepants79 · 05/03/2023 12:41

Leaving him with a reliable 16 year old who is happy to be there is, of course completely fine and a very sensible solution.
Your ex is weird and has no say in this at all. Whatever childcare you choose to use is none of his business. He can have all the words he likes.

TomatoSandwiches · 05/03/2023 12:41

16yrs old is fine, he has no recourse here at all, let him be furious and ignore him.

Pinkypurplecloud · 05/03/2023 12:41

She’s old enough and if the biggest drama was your DS had to be repeatedly told to brush his teeth then clearly it was all fine. His Dad is an idiot, and if he’s so concerned he could of course have his child for more than a miserly 5 days a month.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 05/03/2023 12:42

Of course it's fine.

It's also none of his business.

Classinglass · 05/03/2023 12:42

A 16 year old is perfectly fine to babysit a 9 year old. Dad needs to get a grip.

DowntonCrabby · 05/03/2023 12:42

It’s was 100% fine, ignore him, he’s a controlling prick.

Marchforward · 05/03/2023 12:42

Maybe your ex is furious that you have a social life?

TomatoSandwiches · 05/03/2023 12:43

Yes I suspect this is more about you having the audacity to go out and enjoy yourself than anything else.

Mabelface · 05/03/2023 12:43

He's just being a twat to try and score points. Ignore his twattery and let him crack on with his little, insignificant, twatty power games.

Original poster
EggOnToast3 · 05/03/2023 12:44

Ok, am relieved to hear you all don't think I'm a dreadful mother! He walked out when DS was 2 so I've done the bulk of the parenting which makes this kind of outburst from him even more infuriating!

OP posts:
Eas1lyd1stracted · 05/03/2023 12:45

I thought this was going to be a thread about DD not wanting to do it. Honestly your ex can jog one. She's a young adult and sounds like she's being responsible. He sounds controlling and bitter

AuntieSoap · 05/03/2023 12:46

You've done absolutely nothing wrong. He's a controlling, shit-stirring arsehole who is best ignored.

Dobbyismyabsolutefav · 05/03/2023 12:46

Tell your ex to mind his own business. It is totally fine for your DD to look after her brother.

itsgettingweird · 05/03/2023 12:49

Well it's clear why he's an ex!!!

He's being a twat!

She's 16! He's 9! Perfectly ok.

frozenyoghurtyurt · 05/03/2023 12:52

He's just pissed off that you have a life and don't require him. He's just pleased he's found something to argue about. A dickhead all round.

NoSquirrels · 05/03/2023 12:58

Of course it’s fine. A 16-year-old babysitting is so incredibly standard that I can’t even think why you’d question yourself. Your ex sounds like an arse.