To have my DD look after DS

[EggOnToast3]

I have DD16 and DS9. DS9 sees his Dad 5 days a month. I see friends / plan things for those days. Occasionally something falls on an evening when I have DS so I will ask DD to look after him, although this doesn't happen often.

I don't have a good relationship with DS' Dad and communication is kept to a minimum.

This week it was my friends birthday and she had planned a meal. It was a week night so I had DS. I asked DD to sit. I left at 7, she put him to bed at the usual time and then I was home at 11. DS was asleep.

DS has just returned from his Dad's and has told me that his Dad is furious that I left DS in DD's care and he will be having serious words next time he sees me. DS had told his Dad that his sister had told him off once for having to be asked to brush his teeth repeatedly.

I've asked family and they all say that it was fine to leave DD babysitting but would be interested to hear what others think as DS's Dad seems to be incredibly angry about it!

She’s 16! And it’s not like you’re leaving a newborn with her. I would expect a 9 year old not to need too much from a sitter anyway. Ex is being a twat!

Perfectly fine.

I was babysitting at 15, staying overnight with the children as their parents worked a night shift. No problems whatsoever,

your ex is just being a dick! Maybe if he was a better dad then he couldn’t have had him,.

Let him rant, ignore and don’t engage. When he has finished just shut the door on him and carry on

He’s being ridiculous and I would be having a word with your son who seems to be stirring the pot. Why would his dad need to know? And at 9 he shouldn't need reminding about brushing his teeth. Sounds like he is learning to play you off against each other and it needs nipping in the bud

My 16 step daughter looks after my son 5 a few times now and then for things it's absolutely fine if you think sue is trustworthy and responsible e ohhh it's your call not his dads on your time

It is fine but sometimes it can be a little tricky if the siblings are likely to argue. I once had to step in when a neighbour's two boys were home alone and fighting.

Your ex is putting a lot of stress on your DS's shoulders relaying shitty messages. Do you have a better way to communicate? I'm guessing your DS was annoyed about the teeth brushing and moaned to your ex.

Since when did teens not babysit? For family and for extra income.

A 9yo complaining at being told off by his sister for not brushing his teeth - surely the only sensible response to that is for his dad to say 'next time listen to your sister first time then!'. If your DD prioritised him brushing his teeth when he didn't want to, she sounds responsible enough to babysit!

This 👍🏼👍🏼 he should be ashamed.

@GoodChat He absolutely refuses to have him more than the 5 nights a month, including school holidays!

Because he's a massive twat! You're doing a fab job.

My 13yo sometimes looks after my 3yo for an hour while I pop out (although DH is in the house WFH). I'm sure she'll be extremely capable of babysitting for a few hours by 16.

At 16 I looked after a family friend’s 10 year old for 5 days whilst their younger child was in hospital having a big operation.

Great, looks like you've found yourself a babysitter now. There you go son, off to Dad's tonight coz Mum's going out!

My dd 17 has looked after ds 8 for about 2 years if I have had to work. She gets chance to earn extra cash and ds is always well looked after..
Your ex is a twat.

He's being an idiot. It's fine if your dd doesn't mind. She shouldn't feel put upon because you want to go out. If she's OK with it then crack on but I'd appreciate that she is getting older so will want to be going put herself soon and so shouldn't be your go to for childcare.

My DD doesn't mind looking after him at all, he's fairly self sufficient and doesn't require much 'baby sitting'. It's only very rarely I will ask her.

@Tinkerbyebye They very rarely argue. I think he told his Dad about the teeth as he was annoyed his sister had told him off. He's usually very good at doing his teeth, I think he was just distracted by the Xbox!

I’m sure op daughter can say no if she’s busy, my eldest 2 will help with their younger brothers for me and I don’t pay them they do it out of love (haha) and to help me out they just really heat up dinner and be in the house till I get home from work nothing too strenuous, if one can’t the other will he drives too so will pick youngest up from school. No one is forced to do anything

Nothing wrong or unsusual about anything you've shared. Presumably your daughter gets a say in this and isn't being 'forced'. I'd imagine she's 'rewarded' too in some way whether a bit of pocket money or you doing something nice for her.
Your ex can keep his nose out. No-one is in the least bit interested how he feels about this especially you. Let him have his 'stern words' then just nod and say Yes I've heard what you've said and shall be continuing.

Maybe say as a concession TO HIM ( not anything to do with safeguarding) you will consider letting him know when you need childcare so that he can arrange care for his son instead.

While it is fine there have been many posts about dead beat dads who do not look after the kid(s) when in their care but farm them off to Granny, etc. I know it is not quite the same though.