Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and rude food comments - TW Eating disorders

34 replies

Orangesandlemons77 · 05/03/2023 11:41

Putting TW for eating disorders as discusses food and calories.

MIL is staying for the weekend. Having uncalled for comments on my breakfast.

It's peanut butter on toast, the nice one with no additives. "I'd look at the calories on that" picks it up "Oh I can't find the calories"

Helps herself to the tiniest bit of it.

"I think it's very fattening and very addictive"

Ok. That's me told then!

I get stuff like this all the time!

And yes I am probably needing to lose weight but that's not the point, this was not asked for. Also at the family breakfast time it's embarrassing and also don't really want DC hearing it either.

OP posts:
Beamur · 05/03/2023 11:43

I probably would have picked up the peanut butter and put some more on my toast..
Or say something like 'yes and delicious '
Let it slide off you.

Maray1967 · 05/03/2023 11:45

I’ve responded firmly to comments about food made in front of my DC. Not about calories but intolerances - eg you don’t want to give him too many strawberries - meaning more than 5.
Response: ‘strawberries are good for him, he can have a good bowlful. ‘ Comment not repeated.

If you know you’re going to get comments like that, prepare some responses and use them, politely but firmly.

Reinventinganna · 05/03/2023 11:46

Try saying firmly each time that ‘this is not an appropriate comment around the children’.

LaraXX · 05/03/2023 11:46

I'd have just replied with "don't eat it then"

Beamur · 05/03/2023 11:47

My MIL used to have a bee in her bonnet about peanut butter too. DD was eating some and she picked up the jar and exclaimed in horror 'do you know how much salt and sugar is in this?'
I replied 'yes'. She didn't mention it again.

Zooeyzo · 05/03/2023 11:47

Reply yes at your age I'd be concerned. She's very rude.

windywoo78 · 05/03/2023 11:47

I had this a while back from my MIL. I had a pudding with my Sunday roast out. In front of the whole table she said "look at her, she loves her food - she'll never be skinny!"
Yes I have 2 stone to lose - but really?! Argh.
She's no Jane Fonda let me tell you. So you have my sympathies FlowersFlowersFlowers

Original poster
Orangesandlemons77 · 05/03/2023 11:47

Beamur · 05/03/2023 11:43

I probably would have picked up the peanut butter and put some more on my toast..
Or say something like 'yes and delicious '
Let it slide off you.

Yes I did! I also said it was lovely dipping apples in.

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangesandlemons77 · 05/03/2023 11:51

Ironically I noticed her helping herself to brie and was tempted to tell her it was basically all fat, but didn't join in with it.

She's 80. I do feel sorry for her having such angst around food at that age.

OP posts:
AllOfThemWitches · 05/03/2023 11:53

I think if you've fallen into a trap of counting calories, you automatically think of food in terms of calories. I do it too but I would not comment on someone else's food.

Original poster
Orangesandlemons77 · 05/03/2023 11:58

Yes I think that is true. there are some funny comments also about calories and about fat as well-

for example jaffa cakes are 'very healthy' as they are low fat. Em yes but high sugar?

I just usually say nothing and ignore it but it was getting to me today. It seems to spoil mealtimes as can't just relax and enjoy the food without all the comments.

She even said once, "I'll have much less than X" on giving out some buffet food. This did cause a laugh

OP posts:
Zooeyzo · 05/03/2023 11:59

My goodness I expected her to be in her 60s. At 80 I would just ignore.

Original poster
Orangesandlemons77 · 05/03/2023 11:59

But why do they get a free pass with age? She's cognitively fine. Just rude

OP posts:
LexMitior · 05/03/2023 12:01

She's pathetic and probably spent her whole life like this. I'd be in realm of pity. If you can't enjoy food at 80, your life must have been rather sad.

Zooeyzo · 05/03/2023 12:04

@Orangesandlemons77 I guess I would feel sorry for her. Imagine spending most of your life worried about calories.

Iwanderedlonelyasagoat · 05/03/2023 12:06

God yeah this is annoying. I think I would have kept it factual on the peanut butter - it's extremely nutrient dense so it fills us up and is good for growing kids. I think older people were really taught up to worry about fat content. My mum does this a bit with my toddler (not too much cheese etc) and I just politely point out that on days he won't eat much I try to get as much peanut butter/full fat yoghurt etc into him as possible so he's had calories. But mostly he doesn't have a lot of sugar. She finds it a bit hard to process I think. In terms of your own weight, you are allowed to be overweight and eat peanut butter, it's none of her business.

Ponoka7 · 05/03/2023 12:07

Orangesandlemons77 · 05/03/2023 11:59

But why do they get a free pass with age? She's cognitively fine. Just rude

Has she always been rude? There's a change in cognitive functioning as we age, which is why some elderly people go into 'a script' and get repetitive. Elderly people can become obsessive about things that was once just an interest or way of life. That could be what's happening. Don't start game playing with a 80 year old who will be in decline.

custardbear · 05/03/2023 12:10

My MIL Pulls this shit around my kids. They're being diagnosed for ASD as had a terrible year, suicide attempts, eating issues, body dysmorphia and she thinks it's ok to tell my 14 year old she's getting fat by shaking her tummy saying what's this
We're no contact at present !

Original poster
Orangesandlemons77 · 05/03/2023 12:10

Interesting, yes I think there has been a slight worsening but it has always been there. I'm a bit sensitive perhaps.

OP posts:
Mabelface · 05/03/2023 12:11

She's the same generation as my mum who were bombarded with the low fat, low calorie message. Mum has type 2 diabetes and my sisters and I have had to massively intervene with her as she'd lost so much weight and her sugars so over the place.

Weirdly, now the doctor has told her to switch to high fat foods, she's accepted it. We're making sure she's continuing to check her bloods, as she'd stopped doing it.

After that waffle above, just tell her that attitudes about food have changed considerably, she does her thing and you do you, with the caveat that she absolutely NOT allowed to comment on your food and definitely not in front of the kids. Otherwise, she's not welcome at mealtimes.

Zooeyzo · 05/03/2023 12:12

@custardbear that's awful.

EyesOnThePies · 05/03/2023 12:12

Don’t engage in game playing or passive aggressive responses. Be polite but direct. Say something like ‘MIL, could we stop discussing the content and quantity of food during meal times please? Fine if you personally want to monitor what you eat but please keep your comments to yourself and don’t comment on anything the Dc or I eat.” . If she pushes back say “that’s the thinking these days, to promote healthy eating. And it is the approach your son and I have chosen “ and change the subject.

Original poster
Orangesandlemons77 · 05/03/2023 12:14

Interesting about the T2 Diabetes, yes MIL has high blood pressure and has been advised about diet I think but wonder if all this low fat high sugar stuff doesn't really help.

OP posts:
Mabelface · 05/03/2023 12:18

It really doesn't and it'll be really difficult for her to shift her mindset. If she's struggling with her BP, it might be worth mentioning her gp referring her to see a dietitian.

In the diet world we still see far too much emphasis on "good" and "bad" food rather than moderation in everything. Very difficult to unlearn that message.

Number1number2 · 05/03/2023 12:20

YANBU - My DM has always been like this. I've gotten used to just ignoring it as there's no point in arguing. But now I have a DD of my own I do pull her up on it if she says those things in front of DD.

Annoyingly her response is usually 'well I don't want her to get fat either'

Either way, your MIL is very rude - I'd think of some smart clapbacks