to ask to meet Ex's new partner before they move in together?

[McTwatface]

Name change for privacy reasons and will try not to drip feed

Amicable divorce and on good(ish) terms with ex and we have a DS 4 (50/50 custody) who's going through a difficult phase for a variety of reasons so their behaviour is quite challenging (currently being assessed for ASD)

So ex has been dating someone new (I'll call her Kerry for ease of reading) about a year now and has recently been introduced to DS,thankfully DS seems to like her, all good so far.

Yesterday, DS came back from spending day with them and excitedly tells me about his new bedroom at the new house daddy and kerry are moving into and this totally threw me!!

AIBU to have expected ex to tell me first and not hear about it from DS??

Furthermore, is it crazy that I'd like to meet the woman my child will be effectively living with 50% of the time?

Obviously can't stop ex (even though it feels like he's moving rather fast with kerry) but I worry what impact this will have on my DS never mind if she has the patience to deal with his behavioural problems

FWIW my DH and I have his DC 50% and I offered to meet his ex when we moved in together to make her feel more comfortable. It was completely fucking terrifying for both of us totally fine, and DH and her are not amicable. I just thought it was nice to offer as I imagine it has to feel a bit weird for the ex (I’m childfree by choice so have no frame of reference). It definitely broke down some barriers and allowed a little more humanity to enter the equation which made life easier and I think it was nice for the DSC too.

I’d definitely ask, but make sure you ask nicely, not like it’s a demand, y’know?

Tbh if I were Kerry I wouldn't meet you, the only reason to meet is so that you can assess her, bollocks to that.
I was in dss life for 14 years and had never met or spoken to his DM.
What happens if she doesn't come up to scratch / your standards?
Your ex has the ability to judge who he trusts to be in DC's life, nowt to do with you

You're right. I should end my 9 year relationship despite the fact that I have a great relationship with my step daughters because someone on a forum who isn't a step parent thinks I am doing it wrong ....

It's think it's fine to suggest meeting up sometime as it would be nice to meet her, but don't imply it's linked to moving in together. I've met dp's ex and vice versa, it's really not a big deal unless you make it so

I don't think he needed to tell you though I would have thought he would just as a fyi once he has moved, for emergency contact reasons. Also I would want her number in case of emergency and vice versa for her to be able to contact you